Do you also feel smarter than your therapist because you are more pessimistic and negative? Maybe that's a stupid idea

[noname223]

Today was a better day. Since a very long time I am posting something in recovery. But I will meet my crush tomorrow again. And it is so hopeless. At least the woman I dated texted me back (even twice). I read a J.D. Salinger story.

I am still obsessed by this STEM professor who was by far the smartest person I ever met. He was pretty rich I assume and had high ranking positions. Despite that he went to the same clinic as me. Further, he went to a therapist who was still in training. This is nuts. He would have had access to the best clinics there are. I admire that guy. He was so down to earth. Coincidentally I know what he later did. He has now a very low level job at an average office. I don't know what you earn there. Maybe 3 k per month? I once met him and he sounded truely happy. And I am very glad for him.
I think thinking in extreme abstract notions was really bad for his mental health. I think he might not even liked to be always the smartest person in the room which he was. I think he wanted to be an averge Joe and Jane. I also tried such a job and it made me so fucking depressed.

I think he simply listened to the advices of the therapists without thinking more deeply about it. I think he avoided overthinking by that. He did not question the advices of the therapist. He trusted them and considered them experts and he is only a layman. He did not want to be smarter than them. I think the goal was ultimate self-acceptance. And for him this was giving zero fucks about reputation. And it worked for him.

Personally, I sometimes think I am smarter than my therapists. And maybe that's a mistake. Especially with my pessimissm. However, my starting conditions are way worse. Moreover, two therapists already have given up on me. The one therapist even recommended me to give up. I think if I am fully honest all would recommend me that. Or they would realize that I am going to commit suicide eventually.

But maybe the approach of knowing it better than your therapist is wrong. (That's easy to be said if you never had negative experiences like many of us.) I think many with self-hatred know that. They think the notions others have are distorted if they compliment you. It does not feel genuine or real. The self-hatred is way deeper than the superficial positivity.

I am not sure where this approach would actually be heading to. And how it would deal with platitudes or toxic positvity. Maybe there is even wisdom in certain platitudes?

But I think there is something some depressed people think. They had the only true knowledge about the world. That it is inherently evil and bad. And everything sucks no matter what and that there is no inch good etc. I think this thinking is distorted. It is just another side of the coin. It is black and white thinking. Maybe such a thinking is not good for one's mental health and we should simply stop to think that way. There comes the question what is more important truth or mental health? The guy decided for mental health (maybe I don't know it exactly) and he was happy with his decision.


The problem is: for someone with middle range problems such an approach can work very well. For people with barely resources, help etc. something like that might not work. Especially for someone like me who experienced so much abuse and bullying. It is way too deeply entrenched: Maybe I am too pessimistic I don't know.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

No, I feel (or felt) smarter than them because I simply was.

Not a huge accomplishment anyways.

 

[pollux]

I felt smarter because they did Psychology and I do Electrical Engineering. HA!

(in my defense: this is a joke; nothing against psych people)

 

[Linda]

Today was a better day. Since a very long time I am posting something in recovery. But I will meet my crush tomorrow again. And it is so hopeless. At least the woman I dated texted me back (even twice). I read a J.D. Salinger story.

I am still obsessed by this STEM professor who was by far the smartest person I ever met. He was pretty rich I assume and had high ranking positions. Despite that he went to the same clinic as me. Further, he went to a therapist who was still in training. This is nuts. He would have had access to the best clinics there are. I admire that guy. He was so down to earth. Coincidentally I know what he later did. He has now a very low level job at an average office. I don't know what you earn there. Maybe 3 k per month? I once met him and he sounded truely happy. And I am very glad for him.
I think thinking in extreme abstract notions was really bad for his mental health. I think he might not even liked to be always the smartest person in the room which he was. I think he wanted to be an averge Joe and Jane. I also tried such a job and it made me so fucking depressed.

I think he simply listened to the advices of the therapists without thinking more deeply about it. I think he avoided overthinking by that. He did not question the advices of the therapist. He trusted them and considered them experts and he is only a layman. He did not want to be smarter than them. I think the goal was ultimate self-acceptance. And for him this was giving zero fucks about reputation. And it worked for him.

Personally, I sometimes think I am smarter than my therapists. And maybe that's a mistake. Especially with my pessimissm. However, my starting conditions are way worse. Moreover, two therapists already have given up on me. The one therapist even recommended me to give up. I think if I am fully honest all would recommend me that. Or they would realize that I am going to commit suicide eventually.

But maybe the approach of knowing it better than your therapist is wrong. (That's easy to be said if you never had negative experiences like many of us.) I think many with self-hatred know that. They think the notions others have are distorted if they compliment you. It does not feel genuine or real. The self-hatred is way deeper than the superficial positivity.

I am not sure where this approach would actually be heading to. And how it would deal with platitudes or toxic positvity. Maybe there is even wisdom in certain platitudes?

But I think there is something some depressed people think. They had the only true knowledge about the world. That it is inherently evil and bad. And everything sucks no matter what and that there is no inch good etc. I think this thinking is distorted. It is just another side of the coin. It is black and white thinking. Maybe such a thinking is not good for one's mental health and we should simply stop to think that way. There comes the question what is more important truth or mental health? The guy decided for mental health (maybe I don't know it exactly) and he was happy with his decision.


The problem is: for someone with middle range problems such an approach can work very well. For people with barely resources, help etc. something like that might not work. Especially for someone like me who experienced so much abuse and bullying. It is way too deeply entrenched: Maybe I am too pessimistic I don't know.

It's complicated. In some ways you are smarter than your therapist - though maybe "smarter" isn't quite the right word here - because you know exactly how you are feeling and you know exactly what you have experienced in the past. Your therapist doesn't know those things. Where your therapist has the advantage is that they have talked to many people whose situation is similar to yours, so they will be able to take a broader view of it than you can. Neither of you alone can see the full picture. If you co-operate, you will do better than either of you could do alone. Its like the old saying: Two heads are better than one.

 

[Looking]

1. Your therapists should've never given up on you.
2. That therapist should've never told you to just "give up", it goes against everything they're trained to do and is horrendous that they said that to you.

In regards of the overall subject of your post, @Linda described it best. It's not their "job" (or what they're educated to do) to know your emotions or situation better than yourself, and it's not their "job" to tell you what to do or how to feel. They can only guide you based off of what you're willing to be guided with.

Therapy in of itself won't make you feel better or stop feeling depressed. Because it's not what therapy really is.
Therapy isn't meant to be an optimistic pursuit, and most of the time it's not.
You should never listen to someone else about how life is or meant to be. Listen to yourself.

The primary benefit of therapy is that you're meant to be bouncing your thoughts off of them. It's different to think to yourself in your head, it's another to try and describe your experience to someone else. They're creating a space that is hard to create yourself by yourself at home. You're allowed to utilize that space however you need, and if they're telling you that you can't, they weren't really good at their job to begin with.

I've personally never felt smarter than my therapist or therapists, but I knew them to be wrong many times. It's normal and human.