Venting Do you all ever just realize how little your parents taught you about basic life skills?

[Chili]

This is more of a vent and may be very specific to me, but, after living as an independent adult, I am surprised by the lack of life skills my parents taught me as a child. It's obviously up to me now, but it's very sad no one ever told me very basic living skills and there are some things that are obvious to others that aren't to me... I feel like I'm playing catch up, 24/7.

A (gross, frankly TMI) example is that I did not know most people changed their underwear every day. I also did not know most people owned upwards of 30-40 pairs of underwear. As a child, I owned maybe 3-4 and my family washed them once a week, if that. This was when I was pretty young, but I continued doing it when I was older (until teenage years). I share this one because I think it's the most surprising/gross (?) but I just feel like I'm lagging. Sometimes, I don't even know something is wrong and it takes ages to correct a behavior.

 

[vercabow]

i personally realised this quite recently. they never taught me any sort of social skills, hygiene etc. for instance i never learnt how to shave my face and i had to go online to learn how lol. idk if that's considered normal or not but yeah. instead they blurred the lines of sexual depravity by sexually abusing me. my mom used to play a "game" with me where i'd touch her tits and get called a pervert when i was 5 years old. furthermore they weee incredibly sexually open to my siblings and i when we were younger.

instead of teaching me social skills they muddled the lines of what was socially acceptable by sexually de-sensitising me, which is a reason why i have basically no social life.

 

[vitbar]

I also did not know most people owned upwards of 30-40 pairs of underwear. As a child, I owned maybe 3-4 and my family washed them once a week, if that.

30-40 seems crazy to me. Currently I only own 4 pairs, but wash them twice a week. Not that I'm a good counter example. I was also taught little about basic life skills. My parents are dysfunctional in different ways.

 

[EternalLight]

My parents taught me very little except distrust of others. I lived in fear for much of my childhood, and everything I learned about the world, I had to learn by doing something wrong and often embarrassing myself in the process. That I had learning difficulties only made it worse, as even things many others would consider basic or common sense were things that I often had to undergo humiliation to grasp. I can appear almost normal these days, but the struggle in getting to this point has thoroughly worn down what little spirit I had as a human being.

 

[Kalista]

A (gross, frankly TMI) example is that I did not know most people changed their underwear every day. I also did not know most people owned upwards of 30-40 pairs of underwear. As a child, I owned maybe 3-4 and my family washed them once a week, if that. This was when I was pretty young, but I continued doing it when I was older (until teenage years). I share this one because I think it's the most surprising/gross (?) but I just feel like I'm lagging. Sometimes, I don't even know something is wrong and it takes ages to correct a behavior.

a lot of people out there no matter which country they live in have very poor hygiene. whether it's because of toxic masculinity or just plain ignorance on how things should be kept clean. for as simple as washing your hands thoroughly with soap after peeing and/or shitting, washing all of the body thoroughly at least once a day to rid of sweat and dirt, and flossing, brushing teeth, and using mouthwash.
when i say toxic masculinity, i mean the mentality that 'they're a man so they don't need to care about cleanliness' or something alone that line. this is pure nonsense.

in high school, used to wear my favorite shirts over and over again for the week because i loved wearing them. wondered why i would get so itchy. my classmate asked, do you wash your shirt? said 'no.' stopped doing that and the itching stopped. if anyone does this, you're breeding bacteria/fungus on the shirt and planting it back on your skin. combined with sweat and oil causing irritation.
so don't reuse underwear for more than a day. if you do, you'll be sitting on your own shit until the next time you change to a clean one. should at least have enough clean underwear to last for a whole week or until the next laundry cycle.
for women, this is far more important since they have to deal with discharge, period blood and keeping pH balance at a good level to avoid infections.

seen many, many people who doesn't or barely washes their hands after using the restroom. barely as in just letting the water flow on their hands for less than 5 seconds, then proceeds to touch every commonly touched objects such as door handles.

it's also common and a normalized behavior for someone to only use dry toilet paper to wipe their ass. you're actually barely cleaning it and mainly smudging the shit stain in between those cheeks, then it'll transfer over the underwear. the superior way is to use soap and water, but no one really does that. only know some people from a specific country (not the US) that does this. alternative is using wet wipes.

there are a lot of things that people can do to actually keep themselves clean, but most of the time it's not practiced nor cared about.

was taught a little and made aware by an ex in my 20's about hygiene and other things such as psychological concepts, but learned most on my own by experience or by intentionally looking it up. it was a massive struggle. was judged and made fun of by friends, family and strangers for my lack of knowledge on things many times in my life instead of sincerely teaching me. it didn't help that I was still experiencing culture shock. it's what made me push to learn subjects on my own.

being curious and asking questions is the key -- what, why, how. think about the things people take for granted and challenge it.

try to stay clean, or don't. it's your body in the end.

 

[EternalShore]

so don't reuse underwear for more than a day. if you do, you'll be sitting on your own shit until the next time you change to a clean one. should at least have enough clean underwear to last for a whole week or until the next laundry cycle.
for women, this is far more important since they have to deal with discharge, period blood and keeping pH balance at a good level to avoid infections.

thank you for the knowledge~ I appreciate it~ :)
And this definitely explains some things >_<
The shirt example was really kyute btw! :3 even if terrible~>_<

 

[Chili]

i personally realised this quite recently. they never taught me any sort of social skills, hygiene etc. for instance i never learnt how to shave my face and i had to go online to learn how lol. idk if that's considered normal or not but yeah. instead they blurred the lines of sexual depravity by sexually abusing me. my mom used to play a "game" with me where i'd touch her tits and get called a pervert when i was 5 years old. furthermore they weee incredibly sexually open to my siblings and i when we were younger.

instead of teaching me social skills they muddled the lines of what was socially acceptable by sexually de-sensitising me, which is a reason why i have basically no social life.

Dude, that's fucked up. No offense, but jail to your Mom for eternity. I've also had to look up tutorials recently, it's kind of shameful but I'm glad they're are ones on the Internet for basic things, such as hair grooming and washing. Hopefully you're getting along well and your Ma is enjoying prison time x

30-40 seems crazy to me. Currently I only own 4 pairs, but wash them twice a week. Not that I'm a good counter example. I was also taught little about basic life skills. My parents are dysfunctional in different ways.

I guess I'm basing it off of my well adjusted (?) roommates. They keep close to that, and wash them once a week. It's kind of strange to realize just how dysfunctional your parents are, and it's difficult to fix tbh

a lot of people out there no matter which country they live in have very poor hygiene. whether it's because of toxic masculinity or just plain ignorance on how things should be kept clean. for as simple as washing your hands thoroughly with soap after peeing and/or shitting, washing all of the body thoroughly at least once a day to rid of sweat and dirt, and flossing, brushing teeth, and using mouthwash.
when i say toxic masculinity, i mean the mentality that 'they're a man so they don't need to care about cleanliness' or something alone that line. this is pure nonsense.

in high school, used to wear my favorite shirts over and over again for the week because i loved wearing them. wondered why i would get so itchy. my classmate asked, do you wash your shirt? said 'no.' stopped doing that and the itching stopped. if anyone does this, you're breeding bacteria/fungus on the shirt and planting it back on your skin. combined with sweat and oil causing irritation.
so don't reuse underwear for more than a day. if you do, you'll be sitting on your own shit until the next time you change to a clean one. should at least have enough clean underwear to last for a whole week or until the next laundry cycle.
for women, this is far more important since they have to deal with discharge, period blood and keeping pH balance at a good level to avoid infections.

seen many, many people who doesn't or barely washes their hands after using the restroom. barely as in just letting the water flow on their hands for less than 5 seconds, then proceeds to touch every commonly touched objects such as door handles.

it's also common and a normalized behavior for someone to only use dry toilet paper to wipe their ass. you're actually barely cleaning it and mainly smudging the shit stain in between those cheeks, then it'll transfer over the underwear. the superior way is to use soap and water, but no one really does that. only know some people from a specific country (not the US) that does this. alternative is using wet wipes.

there are a lot of things that people can do to actually keep themselves clean, but most of the time it's not practiced nor cared about.

was taught a little and made aware by an ex in my 20's about hygiene and other things such as psychological concepts, but learned most on my own by experience or by intentionally looking it up. it was a massive struggle. was judged and made fun of by friends, family and strangers for my lack of knowledge on things many times in my life instead of sincerely teaching me. it didn't help that I was still experiencing culture shock. it's what made me push to learn subjects on my own.

being curious and asking questions is the key -- what, why, how. think about the things people take for granted and challenge it.

try to stay clean, or don't. it's your body in the end.

This is a good point, yeah. I'd like to be clean and appear well-groomed. It's taken some time, but I've gotten better. Things like showering, brushing your teeth (didn't go to the dentist my entire teenage years, got insurance, and wow who would have guessed I had SEVEN cavities. Never again), are habits I'm having to consciously work on. The shirt thing is something I can relate to. For the longest time I stank like ass and could not figure out why. Turns out you have to wash your bedsheets every 2 weeks and you should probably shower before you sleep (not in the morning). Awful lesson to learn.

I had no idea about the dry toilet paper thing, though. Genuinely. There is only dry toilet paper in public restrooms, so I never thought to question it. I have wet wipes and I can use them, but I don't know how I'd go about bringing them with me.

And, I hate that people make fun of you instead of helping. I have no idea about the nature of your relationship with your ex, but I appreciate her actually telling you how to improve. It's hard to do without someone pointing it out, and it's aggravating & pointless for someone to see you're struggling and just laugh at you. And cruel? Sorry to hear you went through that.

 

[unwilling_lich]

parents had me as teenagers so they lacked the maturity to teach me anything (and i dont hold it against them, id be the same way if not worse had i been in their situation) but i never learned how to cook and so ive eaten p horribly my whole adult life and im about to be 30 so this shits gonna catch up to me eventually

idk ppl shame eachother for this kinda shit but like theres plenty embarrassing things they didnt learn too, its like almost universal nowadays

also kinda funny: i learned how to like bathe much better by seeing like posts making fun of white ppl for not bathing well lmao, now i use this like scrub brush thing and my skin feels much better lol

 

[Forveleth]

I actually have had the opposite experience of most here for hygiene. My parents taught me I needed to shower and shampoo my hair every single day and it lead to me having terrible skin and hair for the first 30 years of my life until I learned that was all a lie.

They actually taught me a lot of basic life skills (although I wish cooking had been one of them) but the problem was it was always taught under threat of punishment if I did not do it. I learned to do the skills not because they were helpful or healthy, but because I would get yelled at otherwise. So when I moved out and my parents were no longer there to yell at me, I had no actual self-discipline to follow through on things. Even now, I struggle with motivation to do basic hygiene and chores because there is no threat if I do not do them.

One thing they did was socially isolate me. I am an only child and grew up in a neighborhood with no children to play with. My parents were very strict about when I could visit friends and for how long. The result is that I frequently miss social cues, especially sarcasm. All of the awkward, inter-personal navigation that most people figure out in high school, I went through in college because I was so under-socialized. It was very embarrassing and absolutely destroyed my self confidence.

 

[Electra]

The emotional well-being part. Identifying your emotions, learning to cope with them. Understanding yourself. All that.

 

[Forveleth]

The emotional well-being part. Identifying your emotions, learning to cope with them. Understanding yourself. All that.

Oh god this! I used to cry as a teen and I could never articulate why when asked. Because I did not have a reason I was yelled at to stop crying. I learned 20 years later I had depression at the time. Could have figured that out a lot sooner (and started therapy so much earlier) had they not turned me into a bottler.

 

[hail]

yup, I try not to think about it too much because of how daunting it is to process

like, damn y'all really didnt teach me shit lol. made me into an autodidact when I wasn't even in double digits yet, crazy

 

[Electra]

Oh god this! I used to cry as a teen and I could never articulate why when asked. Because I did not have a reason I was yelled at to stop crying. I learned 20 years later I had depression at the time. Could have figured that out a lot sooner (and started therapy so much earlier) had they not turned me into a bottler.

Sending you hugs How is your journey now? Are you identifying emotions better? Maybe you have any type of advice? You can dm me if that's more comfortabe for you <3

 

[33-vertebrae]

Yeah.

Mother died when I was 8; father was an apartment ornament when he wasn't pushing me around or cussing me out.

My sister had to teach me about feminine hygiene.

Pretty much no one taught me about finances or taxes or any wisdom on life.

You'd also think a father would want to teach his daughter how to be independent to not have to rely on a man, but considering he's a sick fuck and a narcissist, the only man he ever wanted me to rely on was him, all the while resenting me for it.

Anyway, all the significant shit I needed to know I learned on my own, but learned it all too late for it to matter.

 

[Forveleth]

How is your journey now? Are you identifying emotions better?

I grew up thinking I was just one of those "unhappy people", like the kind that are always grumpy. At 35 I watched a youtube video on persistent depressive disorder and diagnosed myself. With a diagnosis (finally) I did a deep dive. I read posts about depression, got workbooks on CBT (the therapy), and started to be much more introspective. I am still incredibly depressed (hence why I am here) but at least I now know where all of this shit is coming from.

Maybe you have any type of advice?

As far as advice for identifying emotions it really is just stop and think. Ask yourself "why" a lot. Why am I acting this way? Why do I feel that? Ok, but why do I really feel that? Is that really why or are you just saying that? You basically become your own shrink in a way. I found it works best after the moment too, when you are more calm. It allows you to objectively think through the situation. Also, this sounds stupid, but having an imaginary friend or a plushie or something to talk to is genuinely helpful. Do not be afraid to talk out loud either.

 

[The_Hunter]

I had no idea about the dry toilet paper thing, though. Genuinely. There is only dry toilet paper in public restrooms, so I never thought to question it. I have wet wipes and I can use them, but I don't know how I'd go about bringing them with me.

Take some of those dry papers, put some water on them, and boom; you have wet (well, wet enough) wipes for yourself.

You could just put a few wet-wipes in your pocket before going to the bathroom as well, and use that instead.

 

[Always Last]

My parents taught me nothing at all, didn't talk until I was 7 couldn't even tie my own fucking shoes or spread butter until I was a teen.
Some people just shouldn't have kids.