Do we ‘choose’ to suffer

[Starryeyes]

I have started DBT. I'm on session 4. I'm really really bpd triggered by what's being covered here.

' pain is inevitable, suffering is a choice'

Anyone gone through this process that can help me understand this concept better? I mean, I just get pretty fucked off someone is saying I'm choosing to suffer.

 

[A_miStake_of_NATURE]

I think what they mean by that is when we refuse (from their point of view) to try everything that is possible to try to get/feel better. I must confess I find myself being puzzled by such words as well. But they want us keep trying and trying and trying. Even if nothing helps. And then we can't trying anymore, people will just say that. That we choose to suffer. And it's just bs. I think such words can only come from those who have never experienced suffering such as yours. That's my pov…. Sorry if I'm not being helpful

 

[OrcWitch]

I guess they mean life inevitably has ups and downs outside our control, but we have agency over how we react to that.

I would like to give them the benefit of the doubt and say that they are trying to develop some internal locus of control and make the patient feel like they have power over their environment, not victim blame. It really does read like victim blaming but I don't think that's their intention. I dislike this phrasing.

 

[D&D]

Maybe it is because English is not my first language, but I cannot for the life of me understand how can suffering be optional (choice), if pain is inevitable? Sorry but it makes no sense to me at all. If pain is inevitable, then, to my mind, the only optional could be how one reacts/handles one's suffering(s). Which is where learning helpful coping skills could be of use.

 

[Pluto]

And I think what they're saying only helps a subset of individuals

A lot of motivational talk is helpful to certain individuals but not actually true for all people and situations. Even to say, "You can do it!" is an example of this. It is important to get advice that is right for your specific situation.

' pain is inevitable, suffering is a choice'

'Choice' is a dreadful word. It would be better to say that suffering can be controllable with the right insight.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

If I'm really choosing to suffer then why shouldn't I be allowed to choose exactly when and how to end my suffering? I'm stubborn. I already know exactly what circumstances would lead to me to stop choosing to suffer. Either a magical miracle with lower odds to occur than getting struck by lightning while rolling the entire banner of 5-stars in one summoning session of Fire Emblem Heroes happens and I get a girlfriend OR I kill myself because I can't handle the loneliness. Those are the only two ways my suffering will ever end and only one of them is guaranteed. I've run the numbers and simulations. There is no other way for me so I should be allowed the right to choose that path.

 

[busternaught]

Of course suffering isn't a free choice, if it was then I think everyone would simply choose to never suffer again. And "pain" isn't "inevitable" either. Yes, everyone suffers from hardships in their lives, but the types of hardships vary wildily, and whether you feel any pain from the hardships is also different from person to person.

It makes me sick, and it's such a popular discourse as well. It's so unempathic

 

[Sherri]

Maybe not choose to suffer, but life or situations past or present contribute to that

 

[subj]

I think they mean bad stuff happens but its whedther you let it get to you tht you have choice over. In the physical realm it means dont lie in bed but keep going as best u can, in the mental realm it means you will feel bad but dont let the bad stuff stop you. If the mental pain comes from what others think of you, you will feel it but you dont have to believe it. if its from depression try and keep going. Sometimes being a bit angry at the pain and saying to the cause fuck you you are not going to wreck my life. Sorry for the long dialog.