Discussion Do u think its wrong?

[tommyy]

I want to do ctb I live in an apartment with my brother I haven't wanted to do it inside the apartment because I don't want him to be the first to see me I wanted to do it far away in a place far away at night but I'm a little cowardly about driving and in the apartment I feel very brave to do it and could do it at any time
Do you think it's wrong to shoot me in the apartment? I plan to do it in the bathroom so as not to make a mess.

 

[Downdraft]

No, it isn't. I think most suicidal people have too much in their shoulders already.

But if possible, many people try to be far away to minimize the impact on others. It's not really always an option tho.

 

[itsalittlecold]

I wouldn't say it's morally wrong at all.
I think it's wrong life's brought you to want to ctb, just some things we have no control over I guess.
Personally I could never do it, I have to much empathy & imagining my brother having to see it… I just couldn't.
Does your brother know how you feel? Does he have a stoic mindset or do you think it's something he'll question himself over for the rest of his life? Is there a chance you could do it when he's out and somehow find a way to make sure someone else gets to you first?

Some people can feel a lot of trauma seeing things like that, some traumas scar us that much there's no coming back. For me, I could get over a sight like that, what I wouldn't be able to get over is- not having true closure & if there was a thing I could of done to help or not.

That's just my thought process and how I'd think about it, I can see how hard it is to even think about that!

 

[tommyy]

No, no lo es. Creo que la mayoría de las personas suicidas ya tienen demasiado peso sobre sus hombros.

Pero, si es posible, muchas personas optan por irse en coche para minimizar el impacto en los demás. Sin embargo, no siempre es una opción.

It is correct and in my apartment I feel safer because inside the car I am always nervous in case someone sees me

 

[Dr. Finklestein]

It is correct and in my apartment I feel safer because inside the car I am always nervous in case someone sees me

is there somewhere remote you can travel to in your car?

 

[tommyy]

Yo no diría que es moralmente incorrecto en absoluto.
Creo que está mal que la vida te haya llevado a querer cambiar de vida, supongo que hay cosas sobre las que no tenemos control.
Personalmente yo nunca podría hacerlo, tengo mucha empatía e imaginarme a mi hermano viéndolo… simplemente no podría.
¿Tu hermano sabe cómo te sientes? ¿Tiene una mentalidad estoica o crees que es algo que se cuestionará durante el resto de su vida? ¿Existe la posibilidad de que puedas hacerlo cuando él esté fuera y de alguna manera encontrar una manera de asegurarte de que alguien más te llegue primero?

Algunas personas pueden sentirse muy traumatizadas al ver cosas así, algunos traumas nos dejan cicatrices tan grandes que no hay vuelta atrás. En mi caso, podría superar una visión así, pero lo que no podría superar es no haber cerrado el ciclo y si podría haber hecho algo para ayudar o no.

Ese es solo mi proceso de pensamiento y cómo lo pienso, ¡puedo ver lo difícil que es incluso pensar en eso!

I wouldn't say it's morally wrong at all.
I think it's wrong life's brought you to want to ctb, just some things we have no control over I guess.
Personally I could never do it, I have to much empathy & imagining my brother having to see it… I just couldn't.
Does your brother know how you feel? Does he have a stoic mindset or do you think it's something he'll question himself over for the rest of his life? Is there a chance you could do it when he's out and somehow find a way to make sure someone else gets to you first?

Some people can feel a lot of trauma seeing things like that, some traumas scar us that much there's no coming back. For me, I could get over a sight like that, what I wouldn't be able to get over is- not having true closure & if there was a thing I could of done to help or not.

That's just my thought process and how I'd think about it, I can see how hard it is to even think about that!

My brother is a good brother but he can't help with anything, there are things that are inevitable.
I don't want to traumatize him but I want to end it, I can't take it anymore, I fulfilled my commitments to everyone, I left them money saved
and no, there is no other way for someone to see me first it will be him

is there somewhere remote you can travel to in your car?

The problem is that when I travel in the car to do it, I get very nervous and I am not able to do it.

 

[itsalittlecold]

My brother is a good brother but he can't help with anything, there are things that are inevitable.
I don't want to traumatize him but I want to end it, I can't take it anymore, I fulfilled my commitments to everyone, I left them money saved
and no, there is no other way for someone to see me first it will be him

I agree that there's some things that are inevitable. It's unfortunate, I understand your situation & I hope you find a way to make some peace with it.
You sound like you've been very considerate this far, I think that's all that matters.

As someone else pointed out, sometimes for people who commit suicide, we already have too much on our shoulders. I wish you the best

 

[sos]

i wouldn't do it in his appartement

not only bc of the fact that he'd find you

also bc of the fact that his bathroom will always be a reminder of the place where you did it

or well, that's how my brain would work, i'd connect a place to a memory every single time that i'd go there

also the way it kinda works with a traumatizing situation

 

[dolemitedrums]

You've got a lot on your shoulders but if you can find a way to not do that to your brother you should.

 

[tommyy]

i wouldn't do it in his appartement

not only bc of the fact that he'd find you

also bc of the fact that his bathroom will always be a reminder of the place where you did it

or well, that's how my brain would work, i'd connect a place to a memory every single time that i'd go there

also the way it kinda works with a traumatizing situation

I don't feel safe doing it in the car and having to drive 20 minutes and it honestly scares me. I don't want to kill myself full of fear. I want it to be calm and I'm only getting that calm and courage in the apartment.

but I have an idea, leave him a note with nice words so he doesn't feel guilty
What do u think?

You've got a lot on your shoulders but if you can find a way to not do that to your brother you should.

I tried really hard to do it somewhere else, the only way is to drive 20 minutes at night to a forest and it honestly scares me.

 

[sos]

I don't feel safe doing it in the car and having to drive 20 minutes and it honestly scares me. I don't want to kill myself full of fear. I want it to be calm and I'm only getting that calm and courage in the apartment.

but I have an idea, leave him a note with nice words so he doesn't feel guilty
What do u think?

a note wouldn't be helpful

he can feel some kind of guilt either way bc a) he wasn't there when u did it, he could've prevented u from doing it & b) he could've helped you in different kind of ways so u wouldn't have gotten to the point of ctb'ing

sorry to be a party pooper but death by suicide will make most of the people feel guilty anyway bc yea, theyll wonder if they couldve done anything differently

don't think there's a way to make it easier to ctb in the apartement

 

[tommyy]

a note wouldn't be helpful

he can feel some kind of guilt either way bc a) he wasn't there when u did it, he could've prevented u from doing it & b) he could've helped you in different kind of ways so u wouldn't have gotten to the point of ctb'ing

sorry to be a party pooper but death by suicide will make most of the people feel guilty anyway bc yea, theyll wonder if they couldve done anything differently

don't think there's a way to make it easier to ctb in the apartement

I understand your point of view but I don't see any other options. I can't go with the car during the day, there is no safe place to do it.
Maybe a note just for him will help him a little and maybe he will understand.

 

[sos]

I understand your point of view but I don't see any other options. I can't go with the car during the day, there is no safe place to do it.
Maybe a note just for him will help him a little and maybe he will understand.

idk your brother but i'm assuming he's living a stable healthy life??

anyway

what if you'd get back home, find a note, followed by your brother's body

the note would say "it's not your fault, i'm better off this way"

idk if you're in the kind of state to think properly rn but i bet that'd confuse the hell out of you

your mind and feelings would go thru so many different stages

it wouldn't be the matter of "ow hey ok he's better off now, time to sleep bc ive got work tomorrow"

you might not be able to think of a different place to do it but i would seriously reconsider doing it at the apartment

you're not only hurting your brother by catching the bus, but also by letting him he the one to find you, along with the entire thing going down in his apartment

his apartment is just as much of a 'safe place' as it is to you

i personally wouldn't even consider the apartment for one second, just bc of him

i can't take control of u, you do you, but instead of finding reasons to make it easier on your brother to ctb at home; you've got to realize that there aren't ways to make it easy

sure, you can't think of a different place rn, but you've got to realize that the apartment ain't it

this is my opinion tho, other people might think otherwise but i'd be strongly against doing it in the apartment, as hard as that might be on u bc u don't know anywhere else to do it

 

[Hotsackage]

Ordinary people finding someone ctb, not good. But well wishes

 

[Downdraft]

So much guilt-tripping here, lol.

If there's a place, perfect, but you have no power over that.

And if he could and wanted to get help, and could avoid this dilemma, even better for him, that'd be ideal!!! But sadly, life can be pretty rough.

Where do you expect him to go? What secluded area in a city? Drop your idealism, please. You can't expect someone in this situation to do every detail of finding it. At that point, you'll think enough the fear will return. You don't get to choose your exact time because feelings are always in the way. The alternative may be not doing it! Oh yes, I'd like to rent this room for 15th time, hoping maybe now it'd be different, and I don't fear death this time! Like they were free. None of it works like that. Maybe he can overcome everything, maybe not.

Bizarre how no one owes anything to anyone, but the suicidal owe everything to the rest. They're always expected to do an effort they clearly aren't in a state for. It's always their problem whatever circumstances drove them there.

Dude, there will always be people who will suffer. Every single shoice you make has an outcome for someone else. The question is why it has to be you? Do you think OP isn't dealing with great guilt? Whatever pain will cause it on his brother, and he will, and it will be big, won't as strong as whatever OP is feeling to wanting to end his life. And unlike some of that, grief is always possible to overcome. Unlike it, OP is guaranteed to be already suicidal. You can move on, as hard as it is.

Last thing OP needs it's even more guilt.

 

[tommyy]

I'm doing my best not to have it in the apartment but it's simply difficult to do it outside somewhere else, I would have to drive and at night I'm a human being and that makes me a little afraid to go to a place like that so I can't just get in the car. and shoot me anywhere I live in a very populated place all the time
I know that this is going to hurt him whether it's in the apartment or somewhere else, but he will learn to get over it, that's life.
Now I'm more confused and I want to rest, I can't even sleep.
The only thing that occurred to me was to leave him a little note for him.
Btw sorry I am using a translator

 

[sos]

So much guilt-tripping here, lol.

If there's a place, perfect, but you have no power over that.

And if he could and wanted to get help, and could avoid this dilemma, even better for him, that'd be ideal!!! But sadly, life can be pretty rough.

Where do you expect him to go? What secluded area in a city? Drop your idealism, please. You can't expect someone in this situation to do every detail of finding it. At that point, you'll think enough the fear will return. You don't get to choose your exact time because feelings are always in the way. The alternative may be not doing it! Oh yes, I'd like to rent this room for 15th time, hoping maybe now it'd be different, and I don't fear death this time! Like they were free. None of it works like that. Maybe he can overcome everything, maybe not.

Bizarre how no one owes anything to anyone, but the suicidal owe everything to the rest. They're always expected to do an effort they clearly aren't in a state for. It's always their problem whatever circumstances drove them there.

Dude, there will always be people who will suffer. Every single shoice you make has an outcome for someone else. The question is why it has to be you? Do you think OP isn't dealing with great guilt? Whatever pain will cause it on his brother, and he will, and it will be big, won't as strong as whatever OP is feeling to wanting to end his life. And unlike some of that, grief is always possible to overcome. Unlike it, OP is guaranteed to be already suicidal. You can move on, as hard as it is.

Last thing OP needs it's even more guilt.

giving him my honest opinion bc he asked a specific question = guilt tripping ? ? ? ok boss man

the guy straight up asked if it is ok for him to ctb in an apartment he's sharing w his brother bc he doesn't want his brother to find him

him asking this question makes it obvious that he's in doubt to ctb in the apartment

"grief is always possible to overcome" yes, but what if it isn't? you'll just drag other ppl in the drain w you

if you're so pro-'ctb in your brother's apartment bc yuh there's no other place' you should perhaps set your focus on answering the questions he's got as to making it easier for his brother if OP were to ctb in the apartment

 

[rozeske]

I understand not everyone has a choice but if you can help it, try your best not to involve others in your suicide plans. If it helps try to look at it this way, you might be in for a few moments of discomfort and anxiety but he might be left with probably a lifetime truma and the memory of your splattered insides in that apartment. If there is any other option try to make that work.

 

[tommyy]

Today I went early for the CTB I went to the first place where there is supposed to be no one and suddenly people come out I went to another place too and there were people it is also very difficult to get a place where there are no people I am doing everything possible to make sure it is not in the apartment but it is being very difficult
I feel bad about that
I'm thinking about having the courage and going at night, maybe there won't be people.

 

[sandysummertoin@]

I don't feel safe doing it in the car and having to drive 20 minutes and it honestly scares me. I don't want to kill myself full of fear. I want it to be calm and I'm only getting that calm and courage in the apartment.

but I have an idea, leave him a note with nice words so he doesn't feel guilty
What do u think?

I tried really hard to do it somewhere else, the only way is to drive 20 minutes at night to a forest and it honestly scares me.

I think you'll first have to find a secluded place and try and make it comfortable for you. And as for your family as said. Truthful They will be affected negatively more so if you do it in a shared place like a home. The is no telling how grief will affect them. I know its hard I'm sorry but like all things in being human the is honestly so much you can do.

 

[Downdraft]

giving him my honest opinion bc he asked a specific question = guilt tripping ? ? ? ok boss man

the guy straight up asked if it is ok for him to ctb in an apartment he's sharing w his brother bc he doesn't want his brother to find him

him asking this question makes it obvious that he's in doubt to ctb in the apartment

"grief is always possible to overcome" yes, but what if it isn't? you'll just drag other ppl in the drain w you

if you're so pro-'ctb in your brother's apartment bc yuh there's no other place' you should perhaps set your focus on answering the questions he's got as to making it easier for his brother if OP were to ctb in the apartment

Relax, please.

Yes, he feels guilt. Yes, he's also struggles a lot to find other spots. The question goes in both ways. He has the same problems with other places, or being found. Isn't he distressed by that too?

I get you want to help, but by forbidding OP from doing this, you are stressing him more.

 

[tommyy]

Oh my god I'm crying like a child I feel very bad I just want to finish

In a while I'll write what I'm going to do. Now I don't feel capable of doing it. I feel very weak. Forgive me if I'm taking up your time.

 

[tommyy]

Relax, please.

Yes, he feels guilt. Yes, he's also struggles a lot to find other spots. The question goes in both ways. He has the same problems with other places, or being found. Isn't he distressed by that too?

I get you want to help, but by forbidding OP from doing this, you are stressing him more.

Today I went to 4 different places and at some point there were people in all of them, even in the last one. The police came by and I had to leave, it was so difficult to find a place to do it. When I said the apartment as an option it is because it has been impossible to find a place. I have been searching for 2 months and I have been responsible with my obligations and work but I can't take it anymore, it's a decision made and I want to do it, I don't want any more time to pass. What I could do is tell an acquaintance to come to the apartment at a specific time when he comes, if I don't answer I'm sure he'll call my brother and he'll come and so on. brother will not be alone and leave him a small note and tell him nice things that he deserves
I have lost a lot of weight I have a lot of dark circles in my eyes I only sleep 2 or 3 hours a day at night I get panic attacks and I start crying in the middle of the night