Discussion Do U Have a Defining Moment?

[hikikomorizombie]

is there a moment in ur life where it diverged into 2 possible paths, & u know if you'd gone down the other 1 things would've been completely different for u, & for the better??

for me it's when i was 12 & my mom divorced my 1st stepdad. he was the only father i'd ever known, so i wanted to go w him>go w her. she didn't allow it, & ofc claims i never even asked for that, lol. he's the only person i've ever met that's 100% actually like what i thought adults would be like as a kid.

 

[UsagiDrop]

I'm sure I've had many moments like that. A teacher in high school telling me that I am not dumb; maybe I wasn't great at math and I was only decent at science, but I was actually really good at writing essays. A professor in college telling me that there was "poetry in my prose" and urging me to write outside of my comfort zones while encouraging me to begin writing creatively again at all (I really miss her, I wish she was still alive). The moment I decided to send my best friend a goodbye note after attempting, lol, maybe I wouldn't be here if she didn't eventually build up enough bravery to intervene. In hindsight I can appreciate her for that. It's only given me more time to spend with her and more time to get to know her. She is truly a wonderful person.

Nowadays, I think my biggest defining moments have to do with my fiancé. What would have happened if I declined his invitation to meet? Where would I be if I said no to the proposal? I'm not happy right now, and the circumstances that I'm in are a big reason why I'm so suicidal. But where in the world would I be? Maybe I would be worse off, because I wouldn't have had certain experiences, I wouldn't have had a chance to discover more of myself and become who I am right now. But it's not like relationships are the end of the world, I would have probably found a different me otherwise. One that finished her degree and stayed in the same place that poisoned her, maybe. Or, maybe, I would have recovered and found a better life. But I'll never know, because I chose this path. I can only know whatever comes of the future in this specific route. And maybe it will be better, but if not, at least I know what to do.

I'm really sorry you had to see what life was like with your mom instead of your step-dad. Courts and life are fucked like that; children are property, so they go to who owns them the most instead of who can take care of them better. I'm sure you might have suffered a lot as a result of not being able to choose for yourself in that defining moment, especially since your mom is denying that you've ever voiced your own opinion. It's kind of comforting to think that maybe we would have had better lives if things were different, but sadly, they just are the way they are.

 

[Deadfrogwalking]

Yah, second one of my life......
Shoulda clawed my way right back up into the womb.
I surely wasn't crying because I was happy to be here, smacking the crap out of me till stuff came out wasn't a great first impression either !!!!

No disrespect meant, this is just what popped into my head first,
Many defining moments for me through life, some good, some bad.

 

[Eternal Pessimist]

As far as a single decision I actively made that set my life on this miserable path it's definitely dropping out of university and moving back to the country of my birth. I think my life would have been very different if I had stayed and toughed it out even for just one more year. I was just so miserable that I convinced myself that dropping out would somehow help, but in the back of my mind I knew it wouldn't fix anything and would probably make things worse, as it did. Of course I'll never know if things would have been better if I had stayed, but at least they would have been different and I think there's a good chance my life would have been much better.

Aside from that much of my misery can be attributed to passivity, not any decisions I actively made. Not trying new things, not talking to people, not taking care of myself, not getting help etc. Those things add up little by little, until you realize there is no escape aside from CTB.

 

[hikikomorizombie]

Those things add up little by little, until you realize there is no escape aside from CTB.

i heavily relate to this. i've been past the point of return for years now, yet even though ik kms is the only logical option, i still can't get myself to do it :// i even stopped taking care of myself in hopes it'd motivate me more to kms, but no.

it's crazy that a simple difference in 1 choice could completely alter the entire course of ur life, huh? it pains me when i think abt it too long

 

[Ashu]

Choosing to go to university instead of continuing my life of private reading and writing alongside of work.

 

[hikikomorizombie]

Choosing to go to university instead of continuing my life of private reading and writing alongside of work.

oooo you're a writer?? :o i used to write all the time, before i lost my passion for it like i did for everything elsewhat's ur fav genre to read & write?

 

[cgrtt.brns]

probably dropping out of public secondary school to go to a much smaller school that was supposed to be for emotionally vulnerable kids, but it wasnt much different from normal school apart from size. i was predicted all As until i left, ended up with mostly Cs. lost all my friends because i was convinced i was poisoning them so i cut myself off. became mute. lost years of learning how to socialise. i always wonder how different life would be if i didnt leave. maybe i wouldve buckled under the stress and killed myself, maybe i wouldve sucked it up and gone to university and became independent. either one would be better than this.

 

[Ashu]

oooo you're a writer?? :o i used to write all the time, before i lost my passion for it like i did for everything elsewhat's ur fav genre to read & write?

My main reading for twenty years has been the Sanskrit epic Mahabharata, but other than that I most love novels (mostly Italian, in recent years), and for ten years I've written novel after novel to keep myself company.

 

[Kit1]

No

 

[hikikomorizombie]

My main reading for twenty years has been the Sanskrit epic Mahabharata, but other than that I most love novels (mostly Italian, in recent years), and for ten years I've written novel after novel to keep myself company.

:o oh wow, i've never even heard of the 1st one. but i actually just finished an Italian novel!!! The Last Summer in the City by Gianfranco Calligarch, have u read/heard of it? what's ur fav book??

 

[Ashu]

:o oh wow, i've never even heard of the 1st one. but i actually just finished an Italian novel!!! The Last Summer in the City by Gianfranco Calligarch, have u read/heard of it? what's ur fav book??

I had not heard of it, but now I'll look for it, the title sounds promising. If I had to name my favorite book, it would have to be the Mahabharata, to which I have devoted most of my life as a reader, but I don't really do favorites. I love Elena Ferrante's famous Neapolitan Quartet of novels, which has become world famous in translation. I'm currently rereading it, I'm in the second, Storia del nuovo cognome. I love Giorgio Bassani's Il giardino dei Finzi-Contini, I viceré, by a guy whose name I can never remember, Il giocatore invisibile, again I can't remember the author's name. In English, William Styron's Sophie's Choice stands out. I love Gregory David Roberts' Shantaram, an India novel which is particularly dear to me because I read it the first time I came to India, where I ended up living. And you? What books do you love, and what kind of writing did you do?

 

[ijustwishtodie]

No, I don't really have any moments in my life which serve as a turning point were I to do it differently. Life has just been uneventful for me throughout all of it

 

[Forever Sleep]

When my Dad remarried (my Mum died when I was 3,) he actually did me the courtesy of seeing how I felt about it. I'm not entirely sure he was asking permission exactly- but- at least he talked to me about it. Except- I wasn't honest. I had already had a taste of what one person in this family could be like- basically, a vile bully. (A narcissist, I came to suspect.) Still, I think I sort of felt like it was a done deal anyway and I wanted him to be happy- so, I said more or less that I was fine with it. But yeah- not coming into contact with that person would likely have set me on a (better) path.

Still, who knows? That situation meant I discovered being creative was my coping mechanism and that has been a great love in my life. It's hard to really know if I would have been happier to live a more 'normal' life. I doubt I would have had ideation so early on though- I was 10. I sort of think- when you've become comfortable with those thoughts, they don't go away.

Other than that, sure, I've made not great decisions in life but I'm quite good at not regretting decisions. Even that first one to be fair. What could I really fairly have done? Said- 'I don't want you to remarry- that person you'll bring into our lives is an all around bully'. Or- 'Fine- remarry but I don't want to live with you all!' I firmly feel like the decissions we make in life are the best we could do at the time. We don't have the benefit of a crystal ball. All we can do is weigh up the odds, follow our heart or our gut and- hope for the best.

I guess most of all, I wonder who I'd be now if my Mum had survived. Different, I'm sure. I think I would have been happier. I imagine we would have been close. There we go. That wasn't my decision- that was fate or God- if there is one.

 

[hikikomorizombie]

And you? What books do you love, and what kind of writing did you do?

how did u discover the Mahabharata? it being an ancient writing & all, doesn't seem like something you'd easily find/stumble upon in a bookstore, hahaha.

i only read & write fic, & mainly things pertaining to mental illness. my fav books are Observatory Mansion by Edward Carey, Junky by Burroughs, The Last Summer in the City, & Perks of Being a Wallflower by Chbosky :) have u ever heard of/read any of them??

 

[Skathon]

No, (un?)fortunately. Only being aborted or never conceived would have prevented me from being suicidal.

 

[Callie Arcale]

There were many pivotal moments.
The road diverged so many times. Despite a pure heart and a longing for good and beauty, I always took the wrong path, and "that has made all the difference".

 

[Ashu]

how did u discover the Mahabharata? it being an ancient writing & all, doesn't seem like something you'd easily find/stumble upon in a bookstore, hahaha.

When I was sixteen and living on the streets of Toronto, I met another homeless guy, my father's age, who had years before become obsessed with Indian philosophy and taught himself Sanskrit. And from that moment I was doomed.

i only read & write fic, & mainly things pertaining to mental illness. my fav books are Observatory Mansion by Edward Carey, Junky by Burroughs, The Last Summer in the City, & Perks of Being a Wallflower by Chbosky :) have u ever heard of/read any of them??

Just Junkie. I love fiction, but I only came to take it seriously later in life, so that my list of read novels is eccentric, and I've missed most of the famous stuff.