Venting Do those around you take your mental health or suicidal thoughts serious?

[Cosmiq]

I had this thing happen recently where I have left out a huge reunion between my brother and our family. There was a photo sent by him of our entire family, excluding me, and message saying I was supposed to be there. My mom was supposed to tell me, but was pretty upset that my sister didn't think to tell me either.
I told my mom that seeing the picture gave me a good idea of what my family will look like when I'm gone.

I think only my best friend would take my mentions of ctb seriously, and worries about how depressed and anxious I am. Him, and my therapist who legally has to.

I feel like, I don't just want to drop small joking hints anymore. There's a bigger family event for our extended family, and I feel hard-pressed to be fully honest. So when it happens they don't get to pretend they had no idea what I was going through. I can be very disconnected, and I plan to go there and be on benzos and completely honest because I'm sure none of them would have me committed, and think anything I say is just me blowing things out of proportion or that I just need to look on the bright side. I remember being hospitalized, and my psychiatrist who knew how traumatizing it was could think of very few things to say. She admitted that the system was imperfect, that some parts were pretty fucked, and the only thing she could think that was positive was that now my family knew I was in a dark place and would want to support me better. But that never happened. They still treat me like my moods are because I'm acting out on teenage hormones despite being fucking 30.

 

[lostangel]

I had this thing happen recently where I have left out a huge reunion between my brother and our family. There was a photo sent by him of our entire family, excluding me, and message saying I was supposed to be there. My mom was supposed to tell me, but was pretty upset that my sister didn't think to tell me either.
I told my mom that seeing the picture gave me a good idea of what my family will look like when I'm gone.

I think only my best friend would take my mentions of ctb seriously, and worries about how depressed and anxious I am. Him, and my therapist who legally has to.

I feel like, I don't just want to drop small joking hints anymore. There's a bigger family event for our extended family, and I feel hard-pressed to be fully honest. So when it happens they don't get to pretend they had no idea what I was going through. I can be very disconnected, and I plan to go there and be on benzos and completely honest because I'm sure none of them would have me committed, and think anything I say is just me blowing things out of proportion or that I just need to look on the bright side. I remember being hospitalized, and my psychiatrist who knew how traumatizing it was could think of very few things to say. She admitted that the system was imperfect, that some parts were pretty fucked, and the only thing she could think that was positive was that now my family knew I was in a dark place and would want to support me better. But that never happened. They still treat me like my moods are because I'm acting out on teenage hormones despite being fucking 30.

Sorry to hear that they don't treat you well. To answer your question in the title. I have not and will not express my suicidal thoughts with friends and family because they will not understand it. They just won't get it. I don't want them thinking I'm unstable or anything like that.

 

[Green Destiny]

I'm sorry your family doesn't take your situation more seriously, maybe they don't wish to acknowledge what you're going through because they themselves are afraid but that's pure speculation. The only person i've told that i'm suicidal is my mom twice and both times she completely brushed me off only saying that I shouldn't be thinking like that, offering nothing else. I have talked to her about maybe getting myself on psych meds but she told me about the side effects and withdrawal which I will give some leeway about. The bottom line is that she's more interested in protecting herself and her selfish feelings than considering my own, and that's fine. If she doesn't give a damn about what i'm going through than she certainly won't care if I die by my own hand. My other family might be rather devastated though but i'm getting past the point of living for others sake.

 

[Darksektori]

I think Its safe to say that if that was true then several of us probably wouldn't be here.

 

[Cosmiq]

I'm sorry your family doesn't take your situation more seriously, maybe they don't wish to acknowledge what you're going through because they themselves are afraid but that's pure speculation. The only person i've told that i'm suicidal is my mom twice and both times she completely brushed me off only saying that I shouldn't be thinking like that, offering nothing else. I have talked to her about maybe getting myself on psych meds but she told me about the side effects and withdrawal which I will give some leeway about. The bottom line is that she's more interested in protecting herself and her selfish feelings than considering my own, and that's fine. If she doesn't give a damn about what i'm going through than she certainly won't care if I die by my own hand. My other family might be rather devastated though but i'm getting past the point of living for others sake.

Yeah, I think if I had never been hospitalized they would be even less than willing to hear it out. Even afterwards I still, hear "Oh those medications are bad, you should try more natural methods."
She'll probably be sad once you're gone, and even still won't recognize her own hand in how everything played out, or her lack of actively listening to you without trying t dodge stuff that makes her uncomfortable.

 

[Shinbu]

They can't think about something, that they don't know about me. I don't let out any hints, because if I do, they will try to do something, which I don't want.

 

[Cosmiq]

I think Its safe to say that if that was true then several of us probably wouldn't be here.

I guess see what you mean, I'm here because no one else is willing to really listen. I'm sure I'd get some "Don't talk like that" "You don't really mean that" "Be grateful for the life you have" and a whole lot of other shit. But I guess I'm just growing more and more restless and don't want to pretend as much for their comfort.

 

[Darksektori]

I guess see what you mean, I'm here because no one else is willing to really listen. I'm sure I'd get some "Don't talk like that" "You don't really mean that" "Be grateful for the life you have" and a whole lot of other shit. But I guess I'm just growing more and more restless and don't want to pretend as much for their comfort.

Whatever you decide to do is your choice alone and nobody else's. This site simply provides you with support regardless of what your final decision is. You're not alone.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

Observations, opinions, and support. Please don't take on anything here that doesn't serve you or that you don't want.


You haven't written much about your mom unless I missed it, but I think it says a lot about her that she evaded responsibility and dumped it on your sister. You sister not telling you fits with her agenda. Your brother sending you the photo could have been provocation, and if so, dick move. This all speaks to me of long-standing family dynamics of scapegoats vs. golden children and setting up factions that feed into dysfunctional abusive family dynamics that were in play beginning with previous generations. Of all of the roles, it's often best to be the scapegoat as they're more likely to see bullshit and have the inner fortitude to stand up to it; they take hits, but they are also the most empowered.

When you speak out, you'll be rejecting and speaking against the false narrative that is the glue that keeps the unhealthy structure together. You'll take hits, maybe even be shunned, but you will also weaken, disrupt, and partially dismantle the structure. It will lose so much power over you, and perhaps over others as well.

It reminds me of something a friend experienced, an act of calling out at a reunion. I'll put it in a spoiler for those who may be triggered by childhood sexual abuse.

Spoiler

In her forties or fifties, my friend went to a family reunion. In front of everyone, she called out her father for having sexually abused her. She turned to her mother and said, "And you knew it, too!" Her dad denied and got defensively dramatic. Her mother got dramatic. And then it came out soon after that he had and was still actively abusing other family members such as grandchildren. My friend was the first to speak up, and it gave permission for others to do the same.

I think your fortitude is great. People don't want to listen to the scapegoat because those with bad agendas set it up so that the scapegoat will be negated as the crazy one and other labels. After all, that's their excuse and their cover, even for themselves because they don't want to face that they do bad shit (I know not only from research, but because I was one). When you speak your truth in front of everyone, they can no longer hide. It's not just the nuclear family, now it's the greater family, and abusers don't like that coming out from behind closed doors. They're going to lose other-control and power -- illegitimate control and power. Some witnesses will want to stay with the illusions because their foundations will crumble without them. Others, however, will at last see what they had previously only sensed. I predict you'll at last have validation and vindication, even if only it comes from yourself (but perhaps also later from others after they work some shit out). It's an empowering move. I say, Right. the fuck. ON. Shine the motherfuckin' light on that shit!

Watch the reactions of those you call out for negating you. I recommend you see the Off Topic thread titled Manipulation Tactics so you'll be prepared and can better interpret what you observe as it's happening, because you're claiming your boundaries and autonomy, and there will be opposition to that. And in your autonomy, you will be acting freely and become free, well on the way to no longer being enmeshed and controlled. You can do this, and stay powerful throughout, even if a little shaky. That's just adrenaline. Breathe. Stay present. Observe. (If you're interested, here's a story about how I experienced doing just that when someone attacked me.)

When you do this awesome thing, and after you take the time you need to come down and process all the things that happen as a result, I think you're going to be so much stronger and more capable in so many ways. I'm already excited for you. That's not rah-rah bullshit, it's informed and sincere.

 

[Merith]

I feel that one of them knows that I'm serious, but is aware that he can't do anything about it. I'm thankful for him not trying to """"""""help"""""" by getting authorities involved and me taken to a clinic, making the situation infinitely worse.

 

[hate_myself]

in my culture is more of a joke, even psycology is listed as a "social study", not an actual science.
makes me skeptical of every psycologist I encounter.

 

[FriendofDeath]

My mother knows - so does my therapist, and I'm always vague with my psychiatrist. I don't think my brother or sister get it, and when my depression took a nosedive, most of my friends drifted off. They didn't like me talking like I was a short timer. On the one hand, I'm glad they don't have to experience the same kind of pain, but a little understandings or empathy could help everyone.

 

[x51391225x]

Nope, most if not all think it's a manipulation tactic.

 

[heraclitus]

They can't think about something, that they don't know about me. I don't let out any hints, because if I do, they will try to do something, which I don't want.

My situation, exactly - don't you feel like a pressure-cooler sometimes?

 

[SSlostallhope]

I think they do take the fact I feel this way seriously, but what can they actually do for me, really?

 

[selfhater]

literally no one at all take it seriously

 

[AnxietyAttack44]

No. They think it will go away. They forgot that resurrection doesnt exist so..

 

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

I'm not sure tbh. There is so much ignorance that, if I did die, they would blame other people other than themselves