MeltingHeart
Visionary
- Sep 9, 2019
- 2,151
Is it possible that a man could simply have wanted to have / preferred having sons - coming from a sad, somewhat bitter, angry, but mostly broken grown women (never ever wanted to be this way & in no way feel bad to my step- brothers per se) - as I was left from a very young age & then pretty much ignored for most of my life- it wasnt even as if I had no physical or emotional contact but then got given 'guilt' money or anything- like as in- 'I cant be there for you' - but 'here have some cash'- I didnt even get that! & he knew my mother was mentally abusive and that id had to escape from her- so was all alone very young- yet my half brothers-who also had a mum to care for them too-got looked after, cared for, loads & loads of financial support, whilst I was a young, fragile, emotionally damaged, homeless, vunerable female and got none! - is it because I was part of a past mistake- a marridge that went very wrong-that he wanted to extricate himself from as far as possible? do I remind him of her; who he must have loved at one point but that it all went wrong? or do some men simply find it hard to love & care for daughters in the same way as they do sons- as they cant 'relate' or something strange? also I went to have a v. rare hug (actually maybe first ever) from him as I was desperate and needed someone to hold me- i'd never really had one from him before (fyi-im in my 30s!) it felt really weird-like he held me too tight, for too long -in an odd way-but not saying anything- ergh it just felt so cold & yet creepy at the same time- maybe i am just imagining it because I feel so hurt and broken-but it felt strange!