Do people who were treated badly often treat other people also in a bad way?

[noname223]

LIke developing a hatred towards humankind. You can see that in many mainstream movies with evil characters. Or I think some people who were abused start to develop similar behavior towards other people. This is one reason why I don't want kids. I was abused as a child (violence). And I would be scared to do the same mistakes my parents did or even worse. Maybe I would even be a worse parent. I would probably try to find good and compassionate parents where my children could live. But I could not support them either financially nor emotionally. I think it would better not meeting me and my fucked up life. I think I would never hit my children. But I absolutely don't have energy to care for any other sentient beings. I also include animals. Or even plants.

I was bullied and abused severely in my life. When I was a teenager I did some stupid shit as a reaction to it. It was kind of becoming an asshole period. Insulting people other people online and offline. Being offending to other people. I feel ashamed about that. But it was my way to cope with domestic abuse and severe bullying. I regret that a lot. But I had no ways to cope in a healthy way. Noone knew about my suicidality and I felt so ashamed about it. My reaction was very counterproductive. And I have apologized to some people I have offended.

I think if other people treated me better I would not have been this toxic. But I can say for sure my own bullies were way worse than me. But stil I feel really bad about it.
Do you think there is like a cycle of abuse? Abuse of one person can turn the person into an abuser. The same goes for bullies and bullying.

I think this can be the case but must not happen. I think in general I am a good person. And even for minor things I can get a really bad conscience. I did not become an abuser. But probably my best friends had a huge positive impact on me. Showing me what true friendship means. I think without them I would probably be a worse person. So maybe the cylce might also can go the other way around.

What is your experience with that?

 

[leeloosnow]

interesting thought. i've always been 'weird', 'different', 'jack of all trades and master of none' kinda thing. i went thru a similar phase as you've described, spray paining things, doing lots of dope, just generally being a shit kid. but, how much of that is a reaction to environment, or finding identity, i don't know i do know that i'm a good person (for the most part, i can still summon my inner asshole where appropriate), i rescue animals, i help seniors, i forgive more than i should. i think that suicidality can often accompany compassion, as many times it's a difficulty dealing with the pain, sadness, unfairness of life for us and our loved ones.

 

[hamvil]

I think they do. I had a bad childhood. My mother beat me continuously until she finally killed herself. By father beat my mother and just showed me that they way to handle things in life is by screaming and insulting the other people. He was also very manipulative.

I turned out to be a mix of the two. I tend to escalate things very easily. I find myself insulting both strangers and loved ones for minor things. Most of the times I do not even realise I do that.

Recently I created several fake profiles on social media just to insult other people, no matter the topic. I think it was a way to have at least some interaction with other beings. I do not have friends or family and never.

I do not have kids, so it all stops with me and I am very grateful for that. I do not want to anybody on the same path. I fear that one day I will push it too far and end up either in jail or beaten up on the roadside.

The truth is that I do not think I am truly that bad, I just do not know how to function in this world. All is too strange for me, too complex and I just do not understand the other people.

 

[jodes2]

Borderline personality disorder is often caused by abuse, and often they become abusive themselves

 

[Celerity]

Yes and no. I think it has to do with family dynamics. Trump's family, whether you like
him or not, is a case in point. His brother who was consistently derided by his parents became an alcoholic. Trump, his parents' favorite, is a narcissist. Attachment Theory and the writings of Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families explains this very well. The Laundry List of negative traits and the family roles of Scapegoat and Golden Child show how two people raised by the same family can turn out with completely opposite ptahologies.

 

[hamvil]

Borderline personality disorder is often caused by abuse, and often they become abusive themselves

That is me pretty much :)

 

[jodes2]

That is me pretty much :)

I was diagnosed with it for a period, I think it's mild for me if I do have it, I don't envy anyone with full blown BPD