Do people lie to you about caring?

[PoisonedJuliet]

My friends say they all care and they know I'm suicidal but they don't even bother to start a conversation with me or check in with me. Or I tell someone who doesn't know already and they act so different around me. They nervously laugh and just don't talk to me. The worst is when they act as if I'm a baby or I'm going to hurt them or something. This would all be better if I were dead. One moment here. The next gone.

Does anyone else feel similar or is anyone else in a similar situation with friends/family/etc?

 

[Mr2005]

Let's be honest though people in your own life are going to care more than strangers on a forum who are all wrapped up in their own problems

 

[colcol]

My friends say they all care and they know I'm suicidal but they don't even bother to start a conversation with me or check in with me. Or I tell someone who doesn't know already and they act so different around me. They nervously laugh and just don't talk to me. The worst is when they act as if I'm a baby or I'm going to hurt them or something. This would all be better if I were dead. One moment here. The next gone.

Does anyone else feel similar or is anyone else in a similar situation with friends/family/etc?

what few family i have left have been amazing but friends dont want to "get involved" .
none know about my intentions to ctb which is how i want it atm because the last thing i need right now is for people to try to pursuade me not to

 

[Mr2005]

You'll soon find out who your true friends are anyway. Many are just acquaintances and don't want to know once you've nothing to offer them. It's fucking brutal it really is. You can only really count on yourself and I've learned that too late. The damage is done and there's nothing I can do now

 

[colcol]

You'll soon find out who your true friends are anyway. Many are just acquaintances and don't want to know once you've nothing to offer them. It's fucking brutal it really is. You can only really count on yourself and I've learned that too late. The damage is done and there's nothing I can do now

i agree whole hearted.
the time you really need friends seems the time they turn their backs

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

The damage is done and there's nothing I can do now

Same. Sad but true.

 

[waterbottleman]

I'm so guarded that I don't tell anyone how I feel in real life.

This forum is my one and only sanctuary where I express my feelings.

I don't talk about my feelings anywhere else online or in real life.

I think a life time of people pretending they can read my mind when they can't, accusing me of feeling/believing certain things that I don't, accusing me of all sorts of things that aren't true, gaslighting me, etc has fucked me up royally when it comes to trusting people. I just automatically assume anyone I talk to in real life will dismiss my feelings and tell me am an entitled piece of shit for having feelings. So I never say anything to anyone.

It's unfathomable to me when people tell me that they care on here. I often feel like an asshole and spoiled brat who doesn't deserve it because I'm so unused to people caring about me. I don't know how to react when people tell me that they care. It's not that I don't trust the people who say it, I do trust that they're genuine. I just legitimately am speechless and don't even know how to react. Like the entire notion that a person cares about me blows my mind and is so alien to me.

 

[Lorntroubles]

It is painful. We all want an ounce of acceptance and validation in our lives. It makes me mad and makes me think "an eye for an eye". You don't care? Me neither.

Best thing to do is be your own best friend and enjoy the darkness and loneliness and come to peace with everything before we leave.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

My friends say they all care and they know I'm suicidal but they don't even bother to start a conversation with me or check in with me. Or I tell someone who doesn't know already and they act so different around me. They nervously laugh and just don't talk to me. The worst is when they act as if I'm a baby or I'm going to hurt them or something. This would all be better if I were dead. One moment here. The next gone.

Does anyone else feel similar or is anyone else in a similar situation with friends/family/etc?

Yes. I'm not allowed to talk about it because it makes them uncomfortable so I pretend it's fine. It makes us feel very isolated.
However, try to put yourself in their shoes. If you were okay and a friend told you they were seriously suicidal, how would you feel?
I like to think I'd try and understand, but I can only say that because I've been feeling this way for so long. Before I felt like this, if I'm honest, I'd have been really uncomfortable and wanted the conversation to stop.
It's not good or right but I can understand. A really good friend though would push past the discomfort out of concern and listen and try and understand.

 

[RottenDeer]

I know tons of people who pretend they're caring but in the end, they couldn't care less. Time will tell who really cares about you.

 

[itsmeagain]

My friends say they all care and they know I'm suicidal but they don't even bother to start a conversation with me or check in with me. Or I tell someone who doesn't know already and they act so different around me. They nervously laugh and just don't talk to me. The worst is when they act as if I'm a baby or I'm going to hurt them or something. This would all be better if I were dead. One moment here. The next gone.

Does anyone else feel similar or is anyone else in a similar situation with friends/family/etc?

... I have a friend who said I'm his one constant. I figured out today that a few weekends ago, he brought his new gf to dinner, paid for her and her friend and himself to have dinner, along with buying them starbucks. Easily almost fifity dollars. When I wanted to head up, he was too busy going out with his other friends skiing, and when he said I could come up for a single day (i have classes during the week) I said it wasn't worth the gas money.

No offer to pay for me...

No offer to move other plans around...

We've been friends for ten years. When I try to talk to him about it, he justgoes "Dude, you're acting like I don't care about you."

....

That shit hurts. It all hurts so bad. I'm going to PM you, you don't have to respond, but I'll be your friend, sweetie. I've seen you post around here a lot <3

 

[Largeletters]

I know how you feel... really, I do. No one texts me first, especially not my friends, even though it's a known fact I'm going through what I am. Two of my friends, actually, let me get basically harassed right in front of them, and neither of them stood up for me. It sucks when the people you're fond of show they don't care.

I know tons of people who pretend they're caring but in the end, they couldn't care less. Time will tell who really cares about you.

I agree with you 100%, RottenDeer.

 

[PoisonedJuliet]

I know how you feel... really, I do. No one texts me first, especially not my friends, even though it's a known fact I'm going through what I am. Two of my friends, actually, let me get basically harassed right in front of them, and neither of them stood up for me. It sucks when the people you're fond of show they don't care.

My friends watch me get harassed and teased all day long and they either don't do anything about it or they join in. There is a guy in one of my college classes who gets a little too friendly. The other day he came up behind me and took my hair in his hands and put his hands on my neck. He makes me so uncomfortable and my friends just sit there and watch. I'm like WTF people!

 

[itsmeagain]

My friends watch me get harassed and teased all day long and they either don't do anything about it or they join in. There is a guy in one of my college classes who gets a little too friendly. The other day he came up behind me and took my hair in his hands and put his hands on my neck. He makes me so uncomfortable and my friends just sit there and watch. I'm like WTF people!

Those people are the worst. I always stand up for my friends and to not have them do the same makes a hole in my heart.Whats left of it goes out to you guys both...

 

[Largeletters]

My friends watch me get harassed and teased all day long and they either don't do anything about it or they join in. There is a guy in one of my college classes who gets a little too friendly. The other day he came up behind me and took my hair in his hands and put his hands on my neck. He makes me so uncomfortable and my friends just sit there and watch. I'm like WTF people!

Wow, I am so sorry you have to go through that, especially the guy that gets "a little too friendly" (that could be constituted as sexual harassment). I'm also sorry that your supposed friends don't speak up for you.

 

[PoisonedJuliet]

Wow, I am so sorry you have to go through that, especially the guy that gets "a little too friendly" (that could be constituted as sexual harassment). I'm also sorry that your supposed friends don't speak up for you.

Thank you. The thing I hate the most is when my best friend (he's a dude) calls the dude who gets a little too friendly a "cool guy". Thought you were supposed to be on my side but whatever

 

[OpheliasFlowers]

I've never had a lot of friends in my life, but have had a couple 'best friends' who I was very close to at different points in time.

One of those 'best friends" essentially told me she wanted nothing to do with me anymore a few years ago and she never actually explained why, but I strongly suspect it's because I've been dealing with so many physical and mental health issues and I was just a drain to her.

The other best friend and I drifted apart and reconnected about 5 years ago via Facebook. We have never become as close as we were long ago but I understand that and didn't expect it, but we did become close enough and also based on how very, very close we were years ago that I opened up a bit and told him about my mental health issues and struggling with suicidal thoughts. He didnt say much at that time though did act sympathetic...and then he's never mentioned it again. I have never brought it up again and never will.

The only other person I've confided in about being suicidal is MY OWN SISTER who has never brought it up again either but then, she and I have never had a great relationship and I only told her what I did one night when I was feeling especially emotional and she and I were going through a (very short) period of time where I (mistakenly) thought she and I were getting closer. I regret telling her what I did now just because it hurts to realize how little it, and I, mean/t to her.

I agree with Mr2005 in that most people only 'care' about you to the point where you can offer THEM something -- attention, a good time, material things, whatever it may be -- but once they can't get that from you anymore, or you're unable to provide it or they don't need whatever it is anymore...they stop 'caring'. Of course there are some truly sincere people and genuine friendships out there but it seems like to me that that's the exception, and those people are incredibly fortunate. I've never been that fortunate to have a genuine, long-lasting friend that TRULY CARES, though, so maybe I'm just bitter and looking at the world through a skewed lens.

 

[Largeletters]

Thank you. The thing I hate the most is when my best friend (he's a dude) calls the dude who gets a little too friendly a "cool guy". Thought you were supposed to be on my side but whatever

Wow, that makes me pissed for you, and I'm a guy myself. I just don't see how this shit is so accepted and common. If I saw a coworker doing that to a female coworker, one of my friends no less, I'd waste no time and punch him in the face. I know it doesn't mean much, but genuinely, I'm so sorry that you have to go through this. Would it help to report the guy that gets too touchy? I know campuses sometimes don't do shit, but other times they can be helpful.

 

[PoisonedJuliet]

Wow, that makes me pissed for you, and I'm a guy myself. I just don't see how this shit is so accepted and common. If I saw a coworker doing that to a female coworker, one of my friends no less, I'd waste no time and punch him in the face. I know it doesn't mean much, but genuinely, I'm so sorry that you have to go through this. Would it help to report the guy that gets too touchy? I know campuses sometimes don't do shit, but other times they can be helpful.

Thank you. It does mean a lot. You're one of the only people who has actually been generally concerned about it. I would like to report him but I'm scared I'll be judged or people will say it's "my fault." He's a really popular guy and I'm worried if I got him in trouble what his friends would do to me. They could just screw up my life even more than it is already

 

[TAW122]

Most people I come in contact with IRL do that (except for family and maybe one or two acquaintances). More oftenly than not, those people who claim to care don't really care that much (if any) and are just trying to boost their ego or do what is socially acceptable to them.

 

[Sabriel]

Yes, time and time again people have told me they cared when they just really, really, didn't give a shit. Or had some ulterior motives, or lied to themselves about what a good person they were by reaching out to me. Here's a surprise; I have no more friends :)

 

[Swedish Equality]

Humans are hypocritical. No matter whats going on around them they'll "feel sorry". But no one wants to die as that Bible character if their lives is comfortable enough and a problem is not in their house

 

[Otter]

two and a half years ago I opened up to my sister telling her I was swirling the drain. barely surviving on a thread. She said she was sorry and had no idea and that we definitely needed to be in touch with one another more. haven't heard from her once yet

 

[Marktheghost]

I was accused of emotional blackmail just because I mentioned the fact that I'm suicidal! Then when I tell her that I know she doesn't care about me very much, she acts like she doesn't understand why I could possibly think she doesn't!