mittymittens
let's make it quick, ok?
- Jun 11, 2023
- 60
i was in this "trio" with consisted of my now two ex best friends. (let's call them stick and fire)
these two ex best friends didn't really like each other it seemed and stick always found fire annoying which fire would feel hurt about always.
fire would often stress me out and over vent about her life where to the fact i would begin to feel depressed hearing depressing things all the time, and she didn't really respect this boundary.
i ended up leaving the friendgroup because of the dynamics were weird because of this and just how trios usually turn out anyway.
i originally felt the need to cut them both off but i felt guilty cutting off stick due the fact he said he felt like he was loosing everything if i left.
me and stick both end up cutting off fire because of how much fire stressed us both out and how he never got along with fire.
after this i stayed friends with stick and as more time passed, i began to feel depressed and more aware of what really happened because at the end of the day fire was my best friend and felt like a sister to me.
stick never really asks if i was okay or checked up on me knowing i was in deep depression, i eventually start distancing and he started to a as response, when we would hang out during lunch breaks at school, i would have less things to say due to me constantly thinking if i made the right choice with fire and just thinking about fire in general.
one day we decided to have some space as we were both really affected by the fallout so we didn't hang during lunch.
this is where my fault comes in i believe where i felt betrayed and felt like he abandoned me all alone with no one to hang in lunch, i had this one friend but i wasn't close with her and felt left out and my social anxiety wasn't helping either.
i would begin to feel a mini hatred towards stick and ghosted him while he texted me.
eventually i voiced how i truly felt and how i felt sad but he seemed to still want space and my bpd triggered and i just cut him off which i regret now.
in between this, i had learned in the past from many people telling me a past experience with fire was SA since fire was deeply infatuated with me despite me rejecting her.
a few months pass by and i wanna reconnect and apologize to him, this was when i was in a much better state and opened up to my now friends i have to this day and they helped me talk to stick.
the conversation went kinda rocky because i had fear of talking to him from avoiding him for so long, i eventually just forced myself to just talk and i explained myself which he was understanding to.
then i warned him about fire as i saw that they were kinda talking which left me confused and kinda hurt in a way. i warned she SA'ed me during a time in the summer which he knew about and was suspicious if it was consensual and i originally lied it was to not stir up any more drama the trio already had.
i think he was surprised and he ends up confirming to me it was SA and then told me "fire confuses me sometimes" which i felt weird ab
the lunch break ended so we decided to continue our conversation the week after.
then during the weekend i get a text from him saying he didn't rly wanna talk to me anymore. i ended up saying i agreed but i was upset and ended up blocking his number.
then a few weeks later i see him laughing with fire and other friends and they were in the same friendgroup again.
i don't think stick told fire what i told them because i was best friends with fires potential partner? and he never told me anything ab me telling someone that she SA'ed me.
but idk it leaves me wondering if it's even right for me to feel angry at stick a little for still interacting with fire despite everything she's done and hearing this, i know he's not my friend anymore it just hurts when it's about SA or i dunno.
these two ex best friends didn't really like each other it seemed and stick always found fire annoying which fire would feel hurt about always.
fire would often stress me out and over vent about her life where to the fact i would begin to feel depressed hearing depressing things all the time, and she didn't really respect this boundary.
i ended up leaving the friendgroup because of the dynamics were weird because of this and just how trios usually turn out anyway.
i originally felt the need to cut them both off but i felt guilty cutting off stick due the fact he said he felt like he was loosing everything if i left.
me and stick both end up cutting off fire because of how much fire stressed us both out and how he never got along with fire.
after this i stayed friends with stick and as more time passed, i began to feel depressed and more aware of what really happened because at the end of the day fire was my best friend and felt like a sister to me.
stick never really asks if i was okay or checked up on me knowing i was in deep depression, i eventually start distancing and he started to a as response, when we would hang out during lunch breaks at school, i would have less things to say due to me constantly thinking if i made the right choice with fire and just thinking about fire in general.
one day we decided to have some space as we were both really affected by the fallout so we didn't hang during lunch.
this is where my fault comes in i believe where i felt betrayed and felt like he abandoned me all alone with no one to hang in lunch, i had this one friend but i wasn't close with her and felt left out and my social anxiety wasn't helping either.
i would begin to feel a mini hatred towards stick and ghosted him while he texted me.
eventually i voiced how i truly felt and how i felt sad but he seemed to still want space and my bpd triggered and i just cut him off which i regret now.
in between this, i had learned in the past from many people telling me a past experience with fire was SA since fire was deeply infatuated with me despite me rejecting her.
a few months pass by and i wanna reconnect and apologize to him, this was when i was in a much better state and opened up to my now friends i have to this day and they helped me talk to stick.
the conversation went kinda rocky because i had fear of talking to him from avoiding him for so long, i eventually just forced myself to just talk and i explained myself which he was understanding to.
then i warned him about fire as i saw that they were kinda talking which left me confused and kinda hurt in a way. i warned she SA'ed me during a time in the summer which he knew about and was suspicious if it was consensual and i originally lied it was to not stir up any more drama the trio already had.
i think he was surprised and he ends up confirming to me it was SA and then told me "fire confuses me sometimes" which i felt weird ab
the lunch break ended so we decided to continue our conversation the week after.
then during the weekend i get a text from him saying he didn't rly wanna talk to me anymore. i ended up saying i agreed but i was upset and ended up blocking his number.
then a few weeks later i see him laughing with fire and other friends and they were in the same friendgroup again.
i don't think stick told fire what i told them because i was best friends with fires potential partner? and he never told me anything ab me telling someone that she SA'ed me.
but idk it leaves me wondering if it's even right for me to feel angry at stick a little for still interacting with fire despite everything she's done and hearing this, i know he's not my friend anymore it just hurts when it's about SA or i dunno.
