Do I have the right to feel this way?

[BitterlyAlive]

Same shit, different day.

Things are getting worse and worse. A big part of it is likely because I'm putting no more effort in to fix things myself. I know what I need to be doing. I just don't care, because even if this situation gets better I still have to live and manage my depression and shit. I don't want any of it. Nothing seems worth it to me.

I don't care enough to even take care of myself. I know I keep going on about showering but I just can't do it. I've worn the same clothes all week. I used to care enough to use bath wipes to clean myself but I last did that in May or so.

My brain feels sick. And I feel like a bad person because I don't care enough to, or feel like I can, fix it. I've been headed this way for a long time and it didn't matter that I worked so hard to try and get better. I continue to fall into these double depressions and it hurts. I wish people irl could understand that I'm really not trying to be lazy or childish.

 

[esse_est_percipi]

I'm sorry to read that.

Your emotions and moods don't define your moral character, you're not responsible for them and you didn't choose to feel how you do.
I mean, if someone has type 1 diabetes, that doesn't make them a bad person.

Badness or goodness are irrelevant when it comes to diabetes, so they should also be irrelevant when it comes to depression or any other mental difficulty.

A lot of the time, bad/good, evil/virtuous are just made-up labels people use to feel better about themselves or to put other people down, or which societal institutions use to exert some kind of control on populations.

Do you take any kind of medication at the moment?

.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

It's not like you chose to feel this way, so having a right to is irrelevant.

 

[BitterlyAlive]

I'm sorry to read that.

Your emotions and moods don't define your moral character, you're not responsible for them and you didn't choose to feel how you do.
I mean, if someone has type 1 diabetes, that doesn't make them a bad person.

Badness or goodness are irrelevant when it comes to diabetes, so they should also be irrelevant when it comes to depression or any other mental difficulty.

A lot of the time, bad/good, evil/virtuous are just made-up labels people use to feel better about themselves or to put other people down, or which societal institutions use to exert some kind of control on populations.

Do you take any kind of medication at the moment?

.

Thanks. It's hard to tell myself I'm not choosing this because I'm really not trying to get better, and I don't see it getting better. I feel like everything "in my favor" is a lie or exaggeration. Like I lied to my doc for years about having depression when in reality I'm just weak

My parents talk a lot about how things were hard when they were my age and how they didn't have anything and took what they could get, and I'm just wasting my days laying around. My mom just came to my room at around noon and got on me for calling in again, and was getting on me to get out of bed. It really seems like I'm choosing to feel this way.

@worried_to_death sorry I forgot to answer, I'm not on meds atm. I've tried quite a few this year though

It's not like you chose to feel this way, so having a right to is irrelevant.

Hey mate. If you're interested I talked about that in my response to another comment. :/ it's hard to tell what's "me" and what's "my brain", or if they're even separate
Just realized I may seem argumentative in my post or responses. I'm sorry, again. :/

 

[checkouttime]

well i can relate to pretty much everything you said/do. apart from bath wipes!!

but seriousley, you can't be weak. I'm not weak yet i ,do/feel plenty of them things that you do aswell.

 

[esse_est_percipi]

it's hard to tell what's "me" and what's "my brain", or if they're even separate

You've touched on a difficult/interesting philosophical puzzle here.
Don't worry, I'm not going to try to write an essay about it here.
I will just say: maybe 'you' are just the 'external' manifestation of what's going on in your brain in terms of subconscious neurochemical and electrical transmission. Kind of like when light exits a droplet after having entered it (and refracted because of the density of water), to split off into its component wavelengths, which forms a rainbow. The rainbow is just the superficial appearance behind which lies a complex atomic and molecular process.

Consciousness/awareness is the rainbow created by the brain's internal processes, as a necessary correlate or something. Although consciousness and perception still happen 'in' the brain, maybe they happen at a much more superficial level than the activity of the deeper primitive centers like the amygdala, or neurochemistry and synaptic transmissions.
Something like psychophysical parallelism, or maybe just epiphenomenalism.
Just thoughts, I may be wrong.

 

[sadbunny]

That's apathy and totally relatable.

 

[BitterlyAlive]

Something like psychophysical parallelism, or maybe just epiphenomenalism.

I'll have to look into that when I can. Thanks.

That's apathy and totally relatable.

Is it apathy? I care enough to complain...

 

[Worthless_nobody]

I relate so much to this. It's hard to take care if yourself and things in life when your feeling worse and are depressed. It's nothing to be ashamed of. I'll admit I didn't shower for literally a month at my lowest point and don't ask about my hair lol... probably 2-3 months. I have really been struggling this week myself because I have some deadlines and important decisions coming up and I just don't care...it's just so hard to care when every step forward seems like 10 back. Don't feel like your a bad person, it's not lazy or childish... people who haven't gone thru these feelings won't understand (I know some of my family doesn't) Hugs

 

[BitterlyAlive]

I have some deadlines and important decisions coming up and I just don't care...

Me too. I have so much to do this week and I'm not sure how much of it will actually get done. I just struggle so much to get out of bed. I feel so guilty