Do I have gender dysphoria?

[ggetout33]

22M

If I may be honest, I do hate my body but I often can't tell if it's body dysmorphia or gender dysphoria, or both?

Sometimes I randomly think "I wish I'd been born a girl". I often can't help but mentally see myself as one. However I never went by she/her, never even crossdressed (ugh, I'd look horrible just from imagining). Most girly thing I did would be going by a girly moniker in video games.

The things I hate the most about being male is the social aspects. I feel very unwanted and worthless as a guy. In fact in a lot of places in the world, men are seen as nothing more than disposable lambs to the slaughter. A bunch of old politicians get into a whiny waa-waa feud and who suffers for it? The young men who get drafted to settle their bullshit.

And if we aren't seen as that, then we're malicious oppressors for all the vile shit bad dudes did. Now me personally, I'm not a saintly white knight. I've made bad choices I regret, including a big red pill phase, that started because of the aforementioned feelings of worthlessness and disposability. Back then, I'd have fallen right in line with all this andrew tate shit.

But social issues aside, I often envy women because they get to look beautiful and be seen as valuable. To most people anyways. I've felt this way for about 10 or so years.

 

[Anonymoususer1234]

To be honest, nobody can say whether you experience dysphoria or not. I know that's unhelpful but it's the truth.

That said, there are a few questions that helped me sort out my gender issues, those being:

1.What is it you dislike about your body and why? Do you not like your body/certain parts of your body because you worry about what other people might think or because you feel like your life would be easier if you had a different body or different parts? Because you think you're ugly? That's body dysmorphia. Or do you dislike your body because it doesn't feel like your body? That's gender dysphoria. I think it's also important to note that it's very much possible to have both. Dysmorphia and dysphoria can be co-morbid and for many people they feed into each other.

2. What makes you happy? Are there certain gendered words that you gravitate towards? For example do you like to be called sir? Ma'am? Neither? (Sidenote: there's a website called pronoun dressing room that exists, it allows people to "try on" different names and pronouns. Many folks find that helpful for their self discovery.)

Overall, my advice is to examine your feelings. When you find yourself wishing you were a girl ask 'why'?

Finally: it's important not to slip into the trap of thinking all men or women are a certain way or are all treated and viewed the same way. Many women are undervalued for being masculine or queer or "ugly" or not sexually available. We all encounter different types of sexism based on the way we're perceived. It sucks to be perceived as a man for the reasons you listed, but equally women deal with their own set of issues. It's important to keep that in mind, the grass isn't always greener ect. ect.

I hope you find this at least somewhat helpful. Figuring yourself out is something that is personal and that takes time. I wish you luck in reaching a better understanding of yourself!

 

[ggetout33]

1. I'm too fat, broad, hairy, and otherwise "big" and overtly masculine when attitude-wise I'm not. I don't feel like it's not "my" body most of the time but I still hate it nonetheless. I hate looking at it as much as I can't help it. I'd be happier if I was different. But that "different" can change for me. But those 4 characteristics have been pretty consistent.

2. I don't really gravitate towards either. I know I'm gonna be called "sir" and stuff irl since I know my appearance is a man's. But if someone for some reason really wanted to call me a girl, and they weren't being degrading or harassing me about it, I'd laugh and play along without really giving much of a shit.

 

[cgrtt.brns]

i agree with anons comment, your gender identity isnt something that others can tell you or assign to you, bc its only you that experiences your gender, which can be both a blessing and a curse. saying that, going by what you described in ur reply i personally think that might be mostly body dysmorphia (i may be wrong, im not an expert, this is just my guess). its not unheard of for cis people to be unhappy with the way they look for any reason, society's expectations really are not built for everyone. hating your body doesnt always necessarily mean you must be trans, there can be a lot of other causes or reasons behind it, but it is healthy to question these things to figure out what is actually causing these negative feelings.
i get what you mean about how physically you appear one way but attitude-wise you are another. it is possible that you could be just a more feminine-acting man without actually be trans, especially if youre not uncomfortable with being referred to as a man if that makes sense. there are infinite different ways of being and behaving as a "man", every man is different. i dont think ive ever met someone that 100% comfortably fits into society's stereotype of a "manly man", sure there may be some but gender identity is so much more complex than just "man and woman". there are a lot of people who feel they dont fit in anywhere on that spectrum, which makes sense considering we just made up those words bc theyre similar to the spectrum of sex, male and female (which even that is way too narrow a way to describe the spectrum of sex). gender is a lot more complex than sex as its more of a mental experience rather than physical, and as we've evolved and developed emotionally as a species its no wonder that the way we describe gender in western societies has become outdated and too narrow or specific. other cultures around the world have completely different ways of describing gender identity so its obvious that theres much more to it than we think. im not an expert and ive done no like professional research on gender identity, this is more of i guess a revelation ive had about my own experiences as a trans person and how i kind of view gender from what ive read and researched in my own time. sorry if this didnt make any sense im kinda just rambling lol.
ig the only way you can find out is by trying out different labels and seeing what clicks and doesnt click for you or what feels most comfortable. whether that be man, woman, non-binary, or anything else, its basically up to you to find what matches the way you feel inside. i hope this was at least a little bit helpful. i know from experience that gender can be fucking confusing lol, but it can also be kinda fun to experiment with. i also think it could be important to address any potential body dysmorphia, as someone who also experiences this i know it can be very distressing. i genuinely wish you all the best, and apologies for the wall of text ^^"

 

[ggetout33]

i agree with anons comment, your gender identity isnt something that others can tell you or assign to you, bc its only you that experiences your gender, which can be both a blessing and a curse. saying that, going by what you described in ur reply i personally think that might be mostly body dysmorphia (i may be wrong, im not an expert, this is just my guess). its not unheard of for cis people to be unhappy with the way they look for any reason, society's expectations really are not built for everyone. hating your body doesnt always necessarily mean you must be trans, there can be a lot of other causes or reasons behind it, but it is healthy to question these things to figure out what is actually causing these negative feelings.

i get what you mean about how physically you appear one way but attitude-wise you are another. it is possible that you could be just a more feminine-acting man without actually be trans, especially if youre not uncomfortable with being referred to as a man if that makes sense. there are infinite different ways of being and behaving as a "man", every man is different. i dont think ive ever met someone that 100% comfortably fits into society's stereotype of a "manly man", sure there may be some but gender identity is so much more complex than just "man and woman". there are a lot of people who feel they dont fit in anywhere on that spectrum, which makes sense considering we just made up those words bc theyre similar to the spectrum of sex, male and female (which even that is way too narrow a way to describe the spectrum of sex). gender is a lot more complex than sex as its more of a mental experience rather than physical, and as we've evolved and developed emotionally as a species its no wonder that the way we describe gender in western societies has become outdated and too narrow or specific. other cultures around the world have completely different ways of describing gender identity so its obvious that theres much more to it than we think. im not an expert and ive done no like professional research on gender identity, this is more of i guess a revelation ive had about my own experiences as a trans person and how i kind of view gender from what ive read and researched in my own time. sorry if this didnt make any sense im kinda just rambling lol.

ig the only way you can find out is by trying out different labels and seeing what clicks and doesnt click for you or what feels most comfortable. whether that be man, woman, non-binary, or anything else, its basically up to you to find what matches the way you feel inside. i hope this was at least a little bit helpful. i know from experience that gender can be fucking confusing lol, but it can also be kinda fun to experiment with. i also think it could be important to address any potential body dysmorphia, as someone who also experiences this i know it can be very distressing. i genuinely wish you all the best, and apologies for the wall of text ^^"

Yeah, I see what you mean. Cause from the outside looking in, I know that trans people being referred to by their birth names/nouns is very distressing for them. Even to the point of CTB'ing.

Personally, if you want my input I think I'm most likely some kind of nonbinary or gender-nonconforming. Although I don't use they/them since tbh it's really not a battle worth fighting (no offense) and I'm already used to going by he/him anyways.

Don't know if that answers my own question. Cause at the same time if I had a button that instantly turned me into a neurotypical (or at least less messed up) hot bangin' supermodel I would almost instantly press it. But what attracts me the most about that is getting a new body I'd look better in, and possibly feel better in as well. Man or Woman I wouldn't really care, but if we're talking video game logic I'd pick woman just cause they seem to have better advantages socially.

Although fucking a man doesn't seem very appealing lol. If I felt otherwise I'd have probably gone gay.

 

[cgrtt.brns]

yeah gender-nonconforming can be a good term to describe feeling not entirely cis or trans, thats a good shout! i understand why you dont feel the need to use different pronouns, it can be quite a major life change for some and takes a lot of time and effort so it makes sense if you dont want to go through that. and it doesnt invalidate your experience either way.
i get what you mean about women seeming to have better advantages socially, but i cant help but feel thats an unhealthy mindset, and also not necessarily true (not to downplay the way you feel, that wasnt my intention, just kind of trying to offer a different perspective). yeah there are some things that are easier for women, but theres also things that are easier for men, and the same goes for disadvantages too. either way, however you identify there will be social struggles unfortunately, thats just kind of how humans are. it sucks but it is important to recognise and appreciate that no gender/sex has it "perfect" or better than the other, despite it seeming like it from the other side of the glass if that makes sense. the internet and media can definitely paint others experiences with rose coloured glasses, so i can understand how that kind of conclusion could be reached. i think its important to remember that in reality life can be hard for anyone. i know for a long time i wished i was different so i wouldnt have to deal with my struggles, i still do a lot of the time, but realising that even if i did magically change overnight to someone completely different, id still have problems, theyd just be different to my old problems if that makes sense, because perfection is impossible. i know it can be shitty to hear, but actually realising it has been quite powerful for me, its like that meme of the two guys on the bus and ones really depressed and the others really happy and both of them are thinking "nothing matters" lol. hope that made sense, apologies again for the rambling. you dont have to listen to anything ive said if you dont want to, i just thought id share my thoughts with you, hope thats ok.

 

[timf]

There is an entire industry that has come into existence that profits from this confusing subject. This video describes some who have not been helped by this industry. It is not religious or political, but it is long 1 1/2 hours.

 

[m4rius]

I think you're not suffering from gender dysphoria at all.

I myself often fantasize about what it's like to be a girl, there's horrific drawbacks to it but that in the end your problems are also different with a different lens as well. For me, my life with a girl's brain and body would be entirely easier. Looking pretty and skinny is only best for a girl, not a man, so I wouldn't even be on this forum.

I think if you were to love who you are and had zero serious problems, you wouldn't have think so much about this topic.

 

[ggetout33]

Looking pretty and skinny is only best for a girl, not a man,

I mean... if they went total kawaii uwu femboy I'd probably smash. Just sayin.

 

[EternalShore]

Having actual gender dysphoria, no, it's not dysphoria. It's far from it! lol. You're merely just jealous of women being treated far better by society than men are. Which is understandable considering its current state. It's an unfortunate fact yet it's true. :(

 

[ggetout33]

Having actual gender dysphoria, no, it's not dysphoria. It's far from it! lol. You're merely just jealous of women being treated far better by society than men are. Which is understandable considering its current state. It's an unfortunate fact yet it's true. :(

If I may ask, what is gender dysphoria like for you?

 

[EternalShore]

If I may ask, what is gender dysphoria like for you?

Feeling like I should have been born as the opposite gender due to my personality, interests (like taking care of children and liking girl clothes more), desire to be cute and give affection, desire to be innocent and naive rather than just talk about sexual things and be forced to expose myself to those types of stuff, and lack of masculine characteristics~ It basically ends up in me constantly pretending to be someone else that I'm not, basically becoming a soulless husk who can never do anything they'd actually like to do or act like whatever they want to act like because society wouldn't dare allow it. :/ Also, it makes dating absolutely insufferable as you have to play a misery-inducing game of pretend there too but with even higher stakes~ :(((
Also, I hardly have a non-feminine/childish personality, so that and my paranoia makes socializing and all that type of stuff with grown-ups an absolute nightmare for me and boring as heck for them! >_<
Anyways, 0 out of 10, would not recommend! xDDD

 

[Remeer]

I don't know much about those topics, and it's better not to say too much of what I think so that they don't censor me again in this forum
from what I read it is only the current frustration of being a man in this type of society in which we are living, because it is getting worse and worse
I have also gone through periods of frustration, what can I recommend? Stay off social media, don't read the news or watch TV, stay off dating apps, rethink "friendships" and focus on you, you first, you second, and you third
be careful because propaganda is increasingly invasive, and unfortunately we are all affected by it
greetings, be well