Venting do i deserve to be able to die?

[underscore_nine]

i ask this because i have money, employment opportunities, scholarships and a good life in-front of me. Idk if there's something wrong with me for wanting to die, there are people who have a lot less than me and they're still alive and tell me im weak because i have it so good with privilege. I wish i didn't have this chemical imbalance in my brain but it the thought of dying just makes me so happy, when i find a usable method i get so happy like nothing else because i feel like there's a way out of this prison

 

[Sleeper System]

You kind of answered your own question. It's not that you don't deserve to be able to die... it's more that you have less reason to die than most. In terms of comparrison between me and you and the available statistics at least.
(No one can judge another persons desire to ctb or down play their struggle like it's a minor thing.)

If I were you I would test the water with medication because everything else is going your way.
It's just the brain thing that all of us suffer from. Add poverty and despair to that and it's amplified greatly.

 

[underscore_nine]

You kind of answered your own question. It's not that you don't deserve to be able to die... it's more that you have less reason to die than most. In terms of comparrison between me and you and the available statistics at least.
(No one can judge another persons desire to ctb or down play their struggle like it's a minor thing.)

If I were you I would test the water with medication because everything else is going your way.
It's just the brain thing that all of us suffer from. Add poverty and despair to that and it's amplified greatly.

i tried prozac and i hated it, it made me want to kill myself so badly by messing with hormones, the feeling of despair is one that eats you up with each day

 

[ADeadBunny]

That is depression my friend. Even when everhthing else is going right, you're still finding a way to suffer. Welcome to the club, I wish it were one worth joining.

Medication might help you, I'm actually going to get prescriptions tomorrow. I don't think they'll help me as much as they will you. Regardless of effectiveness I'm still going to ctb. I think there is hope for you though.

I hope you're able to find light at the end of the tunnel whatever you choose.

 

[breezeboy]

Money doesn't mean anything. Rich people who have access to everything possible to make them happy still end up killing themselves.
Mental illnesses can be debilitating and everyone's circumstance is different.
You don't have to justify your reasons for wanting to die to anyone. Wanting to die because you just don't want to be alive anymore is a valid reason.

 

[Sleeper System]

Money doesn't mean anything. Rich people who have access to everything possible to make them happy still end up killing themselves.
Mental illnesses can be debilitating and everyone's circumstance is different.
You don't have to justify your reasons for wanting to die to anyone. Wanting to die because you just don't want to be alive anymore is a valid reason.

I would not agree with this 100%. The amount of rich people who CTB are few and incredibly far between.
You may hear a story about a rich celeb like robin williams or chester bennington but those are people who have had depression before they even touched money. The list is so small that you can literally google it and scroll down that list in a few seconds. The financially troubled portion of the population that CTB are in the tens of thoasands per year. MOST rich people get great treatment and put into facilities and that's enough to sustain them.

 

[breezeboy]

I would not agree with this 100%. The amount of rich people who CTB are few and incredibly far between.
You may hear a story about a rich celeb like robin williams or chester bennington but those are people who have had depression before they even touched money. The list is so small that you can literally google it and scroll down that list in a few seconds. The financially troubled portion of the population that CTB are in the tens of thoasands per year. MOST rich people get great treatment and put into facilities and that's enough to sustain them.

Well I wasn't meaning celebrities just wealthy people in general. Suicide is still prevalent among them.
Mental illness doesn't discriminate and yes things can be easier with money but if you can't overcome your mental battles it means nothing.
And those treatment centers they get put into aren't there to help them it's just a huge money making system. Rehab in general is all about money not actually rehabilitating someone but yes you still have people who benefit from it.

 

[Sleeper System]

Well I wasn't meaning celebrities just wealthy people in general. Suicide is still prevalent among them.
Mental illness doesn't discriminate and yes things can be easier with money but if you can't overcome your mental battles it means nothing.
And those treatment centers they get put into aren't there to help them it's just a huge money making system. Rehab in general is all about money not actually rehabilitating someone but yes you still have people who benefit from it.

I used celebs as an example because it's an easier mental image but the stats are the same. Rich people don't kill themselves at a frequency that can even be registered compared to poor folks. Think of the last time you heard a rich person killed themselves that wasn't in the public eye. Most of the ones that do are mainly rich but in high stress jobs like lawyers, doctors, business managers, etc. Usually, financial stability is enough to keep people in the race that would otherwise cause them to ctb.

Rehabs, I agree, can be predatory, because it's all through insurance mostly. There is an entire scam industry built around them. But some people do have success stories. I personally agree with you on that. I know a few folks who have gone and didnt really get cured or better. Just learned to manage or fell right back in the hole after leaving.

 

[underscore_nine]

I used celebs as an example because it's an easier mental image but the stats are the same. Rich people don't kill themselves at a frequency that can even be registered compared to poor folks. Think of the last time you heard a rich person killed themselves that wasn't in the public eye. Most of the ones that do are mainly rich but in high stress jobs like lawyers, doctors, business managers, etc. Usually, financial stability is enough to keep people in the race that would otherwise cause them to ctb.

Rehabs, I agree, can be predatory, because it's all through insurance mostly. There is an entire scam industry built around them. But some people do have success stories. I personally agree with you on that. I know a few folks who have gone and didnt really get cured or better. Just learned to manage or fell right back in the hole after leaving.

rehab sounds like the last thing i'd want, i don't have any desire to get better

edit: im trying to make things worse to make sure i dont back out

 

[Sleeper System]

rehab sounds like the last thing i'd want, i don't have any desire to get better

edit: im trying to make things worse to make sure i dont back out

lol I don't think I could even afford to go to one let alone take the time off of working to do it.

Please don't sabotage your future if you have one. Just let things play out. If it turns out to go bad on it's own then that's different. but that's just my personal opinion.

 

[underscore_nine]

lol I don't think I could even afford to go to one let alone take the time off of working to do it.

Please don't sabotage your future if you have one. Just let things play out. If it turns out to go bad on it's own then that's different. but that's just my personal opinion.

im mentally ill and alone, i hate being alive, i like being depressed because at least i feel something. i know that sounds fucking stupid but at the end of the day im weak and can't handle life i guess

 

[dccxy]

Everyone deserves to be in control of their own death.

 

[breezeboy]

I used celebs as an example because it's an easier mental image but the stats are the same. Rich people don't kill themselves at a frequency that can even be registered compared to poor folks. Think of the last time you heard a rich person killed themselves that wasn't in the public eye. Most of the ones that do are mainly rich but in high stress jobs like lawyers, doctors, business managers, etc. Usually, financial stability is enough to keep people in the race that would otherwise cause them to ctb.

Rehabs, I agree, can be predatory, because it's all through insurance mostly. There is an entire scam industry built around them. But some people do have success stories. I personally agree with you on that. I know a few folks who have gone and didnt really get cured or better. Just learned to manage or fell right back in the hole after leaving.

I don't know if that'd be entirely true though. You have to remember most of the world is considered poor or lower class.
That means the number of wealthy people is significantly smaller than that.
The suicide rate for both groups isnt going to be drastically different just being poor means you are more likely to ctb. I don't think money would solve my issues but I'll never know.
And yeah I would never want to end up in a rehab facility personally. I just don't think a persons reasons for wanting to ctb matter all that much. Obviously there's exceptions but just being tired of life is an okay reason I think.

 

[Sleeper System]

im mentally ill and alone, i hate being alive, i like being depressed because at least i feel something. i know that sounds fucking stupid but at the end of the day im weak and can't handle life i guess

You're not alone.

I come here every day after work. I literally take off my clothes, have a hot shower, lay down in bed, and interact on here until I have to be in bed for work the next day. I spend 20 to 30 minutes a day inside my car sobbing and trying to purge these emotions. It's an every day battle. I get it.

Everyone deserves to be in control of their own death.

We're not in control of our own lives so why should we be in control of when we die?
None of us chose to be born. We just were. I agree with you. At the very least we should have that option.

 

[Hollowman]

What makes you think you have a "chemical imbalance"? That's just a theory some dipshits came up with, never been proven.

 

[breezeboy]

im mentally ill and alone, i hate being alive, i like being depressed because at least i feel something. i know that sounds fucking stupid but at the end of the day im weak and can't handle life i guess

Yeah I hate being alive too. Im planning on ctb early next year and even though im scared of not knowing what will happen I find myself longing for the day to come closer.

 

[underscore_nine]

You're not alone.

I come here every day after work. I literally take off my clothes, have a hot shower, lay down in bed, and interact on here until I have to be in bed for work the next day. I spend 20 to 30 minutes a day inside my car sobbing and trying to purge these emotions. It's an every day battle. I get it.

We're not in control of our own lives so why should we be in control of when we die?
None of us chose to be born. We just were. I agree with you. At the very least we should have that option.

I typically have 5-6 hours of homework and spend the rest of the time on 4chan or here. I know im not entirely alone, my dad would certainly be sad if i died but he abused me pretty badly as a kid and even now. i don't know if my mom will care, she hates me for being a tranny so oh well :). My sisters will definitely not care, they tell me how much they hate me every day. I don't have any close friends, the most someone might feel is slight shock over my death. I definitely have a below average impact level.

 

[Sleeper System]

I typically have 5-6 hours of homework and spend the rest of the time on 4chan or here. I know im not entirely alone, my dad would certainly be sad if i died but he abused me pretty badly as a kid and even now. i don't know if my mom will care, she hates me for being a tranny so oh well :). My sisters will definitely not care, they tell me how much they hate me every day. I don't have any close friends, the most someone might feel is slight shock over my death. I definitely have a below average impact level.

I want to believe that I would have a low impact. but I was always nice to people. I think everyone who has ever met me before would be shooked and a little sad (even if slighly fake). Everyone in my family would be effected. Suicide is a thing in my family with some successful ones and a few attempted.

 

[FuneralCry]

I think it'd be cruel to insist that someone must delay their inevitable fate in this existence when they don't want to, nobody is obligated to continue existing here after all, it isn't like we could have consented to being in this existence in the first place. I see wanting to die as always being a valid way to feel.

 

[kettlevinbarq]

What makes you think you have a "chemical imbalance"? That's just a theory some dipshits came up with, never been proven.

I would like to let you know it is very real. I also have a good life on paper - just bought a house, a great husband, a loving family, money, and have never been abused, but I still can't get through the day without crying or having an anxiety attack. I've been through over a dozen therapists and tried every med under the sun but they never worked. telling an already suicidal person that their issue is bs and a dipshit is vile. don't talk about something you don't know

i ask this because i have money, employment opportunities, scholarships and a good life in-front of me. Idk if there's something wrong with me for wanting to die, there are people who have a lot less than me and they're still alive and tell me im weak because i have it so good with privilege. I wish i didn't have this chemical imbalance in my brain but it the thought of dying just makes me so happy, when i find a usable method i get so happy like nothing else because i feel like there's a way out of this prison

I think your feelings are completely valid. Don't gaslight yourself. Chemical imbalance is very real and don't let anyone invalidate you. And it's not a contest, if you're suffering that much you have every right to stop the pain. There will always be someone doing worse than you but their choice in staying alive is their choice. They're not you and only you should be the one that decides whether to live or die. It's not fair for them to guilt trip you so don't let that make you feel bad. If this is your last resort, that's your choice.