Discussion Do friendships and relationships feel hollow to you?

[Ardesevent]

I recently reconnected with an old friend. We spent hours playing some crappy MMO, and talked about some trivial stuff, and repeated that for a few days afterward. I had fun, and we always had something to talk about, but it didn't feel right at all.
It felt like there was no substance there, and neither of us really wanted to be there. But I know that can't be right, he's the one who asked to hang out again the next day.
Is this how all friendships feel? It's been so long since I've done something like this I don't remember.

 

[dilapidatedMind]

Those are foreign concepts to me.

 

[Deleted member 17331]

Things last for a brief period, as do feelings, which are temporary. Everything that begins will end. But don't care for silly aunt here...

Let's celebrate the meaning of human relationships ... People know each other, love each other and in the end we pretend we never met. Nothing makes sense, cheers!

 

[Futile]

I never had any friend so I don't know

 

[GrumpyFrog]

s this how all friendships feel?

No, buddy, it's not how all friendships feel. However, I can absolutely relate to the thing you're describing - some friendships definitely do feel like that, lacking substance and some deeper mutual understanding. Good to know you at least had fun with your friend on a shallow level, for me spending time attempting to maintain frienships like that really became a chore, with things that are fun to them being decidedly unfun to me and struggling to find something to talk about, which is something you didn't have a problem with. Even if the frienship feels shallow, it is still nice to have a little bit of social fun.

I am hopelessly hung up on a former friend more than I ever was on an ex romantic partner, because friendship with him actually didn't feel like what you are describing, and there was a deeper connection, substance to the relationship, so to say. It is not impossible to find people you connect with like that, but it is hard

Wishing you luck.

 

[LastWhisper]

Yes for me. I don't have constant communication with my few "friends", but in the rare moments when we talk or do something together, it's all so... empty? I don't even know if I should or if I can to call someone as a "friend". It seems that I completely forgot what friendship is.

 

[DyingAlf]

You said they wanted to come back the next day so it's unlikely that they felt the same.
Is it possible that you were feeling detached? either specifically because of the situation or just in general?
You said that it's been so long since you did something like this. If I was to do that after not having done it for a while I'd be feeling at least some low level anxiety & fear of rejection etc which would cause me to be detached, plus I'm often generally detached or just plain numb these days & it feels similar to what you described.

 

[favourite]

People can flush you down the toilet in a matter of seconds. Best not to rely on anyone's presence in your life, one day they're here, the next they don't even remember you.

 

[TooConscious]

Watching westworld recently and it had a quote "any human relationship can be dissolved for the right price" or something. I just think anything in existence needs to be taken as in the now. Rather than future, or even past unless they've wronged you.

We also change, life situations shape us. You can evolve together or apart in most cases friends come and go. To me a friend is someone you'd go the extra mile for at least, I would take a bullet for my best friends, probably because I don't value my life, but still I think I'd be the same if I did.
People who brag "I have 5000 Facebook friends" usually don't have that true friend they can call on in a time of need.

For example I was destroyed by a woman and for a few weeks 4 friends would each spend an hour on the phone to me everyday, giving their valuable time to talk sense into me who wasn't /couldn't listen. That's friendship.
Unfortunately I have now drifted apart from them and lost one of them due to not wanting to be here.

 

[Trayus]

To be honest my close friends are what kept me going so far. I know they would have my back and i always had theirs - but at some point they cant help anymore and i dont want to be a burden. I hate it when my bad mood influences others. I also told them about my ctb-plans, that was a super big mistake, now they are sad and worried.

But without them i wouldnt have made it this far, i thank them from all my heart

 

[NeverGoodEnuff]

Do friendships and relationships feel hollow? Yes, absolutely.

I am and have always been a helping person. When "friends" realize that, they use me up, then spit me out. Now, when I meet someone, I know that will happen. It has made me quite a cynic.

 

[262653]

By hollow you mean that friendships and relationships that leave you feeling unfulfilled?

I have/had gaming partners, but I'd call them partners, we team up for a co-op play and that's where our similarities end. I don't want to befriend those who condemn suicide, and I think it makes sense that most people don't want a suicidal friend as there would be most likely a conflict of interest. (Unreliable, dangerous emotional investment, a reminder of the darker aspects of life.)

 

[NekoNomNom]

I feel a disconnect with just about everybody most of the time, even with my own kid. I feel like I've lost a lot of my humanity, and it's incredibly disconcerting. I actually just had a friend ask me if I even have anybody who simply asks me how my day was, to which I replied no.

Talk about depressing.

I don't know, I guess it's not so bad.

 

[Mixo]

I think I feel a disconnect with a lot of people I try to socialize with because I'm experiencing so much trauma, pain, distress all the time that it's just hard for me to have a "normal" conversation. I feel like I have to put on an act that I'm fine in order to be socially acceptable and that is very hard for me. I don't know if that's the same thing as hollow, but it's similar.

 

[Viro_Major]

Things last for a brief period, as do feelings, which are temporary. Everything that begins will end. But don't care for silly aunt here...

Let's celebrate the meaning of human relationships ... People know each other, love each other and in the end we pretend we never met. Nothing makes sense, cheers!

View attachment 46572

I'm afraid you're right. People dump people like Kleenex, after used and abused, without second thoughts. It's the me first mentality that prevails. Defending the integrity of anybody else is going to pass beyond.

Imho the question that stands out: are you different ? (then, how)
If you estimate you are, likely it's an indicator it could be worth to search for like-minded individuals who share some common values.
If, on the other hand, you attribute to yourself the same impermanence described, then likely you are working at perpetuating your own reality.

 

[k75]

I'm going to assume that since you're here, you're probably suffering from some level of depression. It's a common symptom to feel detached or disconnected from people. Even ones you're close to. And it's really easy to project this weird awkwardness onto other people. But the fact that your friend wanted to hang out again is a good sign they actually did have a good time with you.

From my own experience, it's also something that can happen when you're suicidal and isolating. Things start to feel very empty, hollow, artificial. With my best friend, who I'm closest to out of everyone ever, I often have trouble relaxing. It feels like he might as well be a stranger. It's awful and I don't know how to fix it. But the feelings aren't as strong when I'm feeling better.