Venting Distancing myself from everyone.

[H0110W]

In what feels like my final months, I am being a bit more distant to everyone. I don't answer the phone and if my family interacts with me I am dismissive and give short answers. I am talking much less than usual and spend all my time in my room. At work I am being a slave, I do everything that I'm told without giving any opinion. Colleagues are starting to just say "hi" to me, and are no longer interested in small talk with me. But I don't care about them, I only care about my family.

As for my friends, I have none, so it doesn't really matter. I had a long distance friend, a girl I met online 7 years ago who stuck with me through everything good and bad (mostly bad) that happened to me during that time. I sent her a message claiming I was recovering from the depression and that not being able to be with her and not being able to have a real friendship with her made me feel worse. It took some convincing but eventually we said goodbye and she accepted it. Of course the recovery part was a lie, I was tired of her "seeing" me getting worse and worse every time we talked, and we already talked very rarely due to her studies and busy life.

Hopefully by behaving this way (I'm not even doing it on purpose anyway, it's coming natural to me to be this way now) they'll be used to me being a ghost by the time I kms, and realize it was my choice and what I truly wanted.

 

[Shadowplay]

Often being around other people is a chore; just one other thing I never wanted and never asked for.
I'm no comedian, but I'm funny enough so I find faking it pretty easy. Think Dexter or Patrick Bateman, but er... without the psychopathic tendencies.

 

[FuneralCry]

I have been doing this for years. Being around people is tiring and takes up energy that I do not have. I feel like I have to pretend and put on an act around others. I am very introverted anyway. It is natural to me as well. I hope you find the peace you are looking for.

 

[arie]

Yep I've been doing the same thing. Sick of putting on an act and make it seem I'm okay so I just, don't talk to them anymore. Still hang out with friends from time to time, just for distraction. Maybe this way I'll make it so nobody cares enough to 'save' me when the time comes

 

[forgotten15]

Kinda doing the same. Keeping conversations to a minimum lately. It's not very hard though since I don't have any friends and the only people i get to interract besides family are coleagues from work. Just emptiness every second of every day. I am thinking i will get to a point of such desperation that will get enough courage to ctb.