dazed.daydreamer
Member
- Jun 26, 2024
- 27
Has anyone else dealt with wanting to CTB in a logical sense, but being too depressed (lethargic, apathetic) and spaced out/dissociated to muster the energy and will to do so in the moment?
I've had severe depression for about a decade now, and often find myself (I think) dissociating because of it—heavy brain fog, detached from my emotions and experience, can't concentrate, and now at the worst it's been, I cannot work and can barely think half the time.
I've experienced suicidal ideation for many years now as well, on and off. TLDR so that this doesn't get super long: I've done all I reasonably can to try and combat my depression and remained optimistic through many low points that this could eventually be fixed/managed. But, after exhausting my options while my mental state has only worsened to the point that I am dysfunctional and am incapable of doing the work to build a worthwhile life, I have solidified my decision to commit suicide, beyond any transient urges to do so.
With that, it would be much more convenient for me to CTB ASAP (current depressive episode led me to not completing a major project due now, and I'd rather not have to deal with the fall out if I'm just gonna off myself regardless), but I'm so spacey and lethargic that I haven't been able to bring myself to do it over the past few days. I'm probably being impatient and could just wait until the depressive episode passes, which should be pretty soon, and I regain some energy. But is this relatable to anyone? Any advice on how to get out of this useless state so I can finally CTB?
I've had severe depression for about a decade now, and often find myself (I think) dissociating because of it—heavy brain fog, detached from my emotions and experience, can't concentrate, and now at the worst it's been, I cannot work and can barely think half the time.
I've experienced suicidal ideation for many years now as well, on and off. TLDR so that this doesn't get super long: I've done all I reasonably can to try and combat my depression and remained optimistic through many low points that this could eventually be fixed/managed. But, after exhausting my options while my mental state has only worsened to the point that I am dysfunctional and am incapable of doing the work to build a worthwhile life, I have solidified my decision to commit suicide, beyond any transient urges to do so.
With that, it would be much more convenient for me to CTB ASAP (current depressive episode led me to not completing a major project due now, and I'd rather not have to deal with the fall out if I'm just gonna off myself regardless), but I'm so spacey and lethargic that I haven't been able to bring myself to do it over the past few days. I'm probably being impatient and could just wait until the depressive episode passes, which should be pretty soon, and I regain some energy. But is this relatable to anyone? Any advice on how to get out of this useless state so I can finally CTB?
