Discussion Dissociating emotionally in order to ctb. possible?

[unoriginal]

Has anyone been able to completely turn off your emotions? Do you think it's possible?

I used to plan to go through the stages of normal, healthy process of grieving the life I'll never get, reach a state of serene tranquility and then exit, while being at peace with my decision. Being under any kind of influence or even just emotionally frozen felt unauthentic to me. Now I realize I don't have what it takes to suicide "naturally" - I get completely bogged down in sentimentality and become re-addicted to life

Unfortunately, I'm going to have to go out while being under the influence of drugs/alcohol, in extreme emotional upheaval/duress (imagine poor people jumping from burning buildings on 9/11) or completely numb.

Drugs/alcohol are out of the question beause of my method. The second one is unlikely to happen. So I'm left with freezing my feelings.

Sometimes, after a stressful event I become very calm and disconnected from my emotions - they sort of happen in the background and I just observe without experiencing them. And it's kind of a nice state. Peaceful and empowering. Alas, it doesn't last beyound a couple of days.

Do you think it's possible to train yourself to be like this all the time?

 

[throwaway123]

Do you think it's possible to train yourself to be like this all the time?

No, I've tried that a lot. I've been stuck here for years.

A lot of people CTB when they're the most desperate. Attempts are often very impulsive and methods extreme like trains or jumping.

Few people actually feel at peace. It depends a lot on your method. The more painless and peaceful your method is the more rational you will be about it. You'll naturally be at peace due to the nature of the method. Something like N would be calming.

You are right about drugs and alcohol. I'm in a similar position. If I could be calm and disconnected from my emotions for days I wouldn't be here anymore.

I know that I'll never be at peace with myself because my reasons to CTB are not just sadness and depression but a lot of other very powerful negative emotions. I've chosen to change the location of my method.

For people like you and me the method matters the most. We're overthinking it and that's the problem. Unfortunately there's no easy fix for that. I'd say a change of method would help.

For me personally I'm trapped and my choice of methods is very limited. So I either wait for another better method or I impulsively do it when my life hits rock bottom.

 

[unoriginal]

For me personally I'm trapped and my choice of methods is very limited

I'm sorry. I know it's a horrible situation. Initially, I felt so immensly relieved when I acquired my method (which is okay-ish in terms of peacefullness and effectiveness). But the feeling faded with time and my method started to depress me, like no matter how much I tinker with it, it never feels good enough. And the worst thing is that I know this doubt isn't rational - just my lizards brain coming up with excuses.

 

[Jon86]

The right emotions will make suicide more likely. Ie. anger, shame, fear of upcoming events, sudden sadness (heartbreak, etc.).

Going into suicide without emotion isn't that difficult, it's the last seconds where the emotion kicks in (survival instincts). For example, the emotion comes in when your strangling yourself in partial suspension and near passing out, the fear, guilt, hope, etc. whatever it may be kicks in even if you don't feel any of that normally. If I had the emotions in my first paragraph on my side strongly they would drown out the hope, fear, guilt, etc.

 

[unoriginal]

The right emotions will make suicide more likely. Ie. anger, shame, fear of upcoming events, sudden sadness (heartbreak, etc.).

Do you think aspiring to go out feeling happy and at peace is a pipe dream? I remember that a lot of mainstream lists of "signs that someone is suicidal" have "an unusually upbeat and calm mood" as one of the alarming signals. Do you think it's a stereotype? Or that the people who are capable of feeling like this are just "invisible" to us - they make a deision and commit to it and don't hang around and ruminate on forums like us?

 

[Jon86]

Do you think aspiring to go out feeling happy and at peace is a pipe dream? I remember that a lot of mainstream lists of "signs that someone is suicidal" have "an unusually upbeat and calm mood" as one of the alarming signals. Do you think it's a stereotype? Or that the people who are capable of feeling like this are just "invisible" to us - they make a deision and commit to it and don't hang around and ruminate on forums like us?

I think the ones who go out quick are not going out happy, that's for sure. If anyone's going out happy, it's folks like us who've thought about it long and hard. I think those who go out happy have somewhat 'deluded' themselves, I do think it's possible though. Happy, might be the wrong word at peace may be better but it's hard to take action in that state of mind.