Venting Discussing suicide with friends and relatives

[Abh]

It has been my experience that people do not actually care whether I am suicidal or not. Over the last few years, I reached out to several friends and talked about my depression and suicidal tendencies. There hasn't been any concern about my mental well being from anybody. A few of them stopped talking to me because they deem me to be "too negative". I pinged one of my old friends a few days ago and she asked me how it is that I haven't died yet. She was probably joking but the thing is no one takes it seriously when I seek help. When a celebrity dies of suicide, these are the same people who publish posts on social media about how depressed people should "seek help" or how "suicide is not an option" or that they are there to support anyone who needs help. I also told my sister on several occasions about how I am not planning to live more than a few years. She is a doctor, she listens to me, but never again discusses or enquires about my depression.

My intention behind talking about suicidal ideas with my friends is not to seek attention or sympathy but to exhaust all options before I make the final step.
I hope to minimize the suffering I might cause to other people when I catch the bus. Now that I have told them about it I guess nobody can complain that I did not reach out.

Although I am most definitely sad about the fact that my mother is not alive, I feel relieved that this is the case. She would have suffered the most if I were to die. All I have is a 16-year-old dog who is dependent on me. Once he is gone I am free to take the step whenever I want.

 

[strangeceleste]

Firstly, I am so sorry you're struggling and that you have lost your mother. I hope she rests peacefully. I've found the same, but I think for me it's because they don't know how to help or what to say, especially as their brain processes things differently and they always have their own issues. I know I am loved even if my brain tells me otherwise and I feel like they don't show they care. The few relatives and close friends who knew about my 'attempt' were trying to be more supportive in the aftermath, but it didn't last long or help much, but it's not fair of me to blame them for that. Talking to them makes me feel more suicidal, so I've just stopped sharing anything wrong, I am too tired and it's not worth upsetting them. I feel like an attention seeker, but I live for them so it really hurts. It actually makes me feel worse, but they don't know how to handle these things, they aren't experienced professionals (but sometimes they don't say the right things either). Having friends from here saved my life. Feel free to message if you ever need a person in your corner than can somewhat understand and I'll try my best to help in any way I can. Wishing you peace, support and comfort. Sending so much love

 

[GenesAndEnvironment]

No one is going to save us, we either get up on our own or stay down. Has been my experience, at least.

 

[Lostandlooking]

I'm sorry to hear your friends don't seem to care. That's shitty. I've told several friends and I think mine do care but they often don't understand and they seem to say the wrong things. I also have pets that I want to take care of because they are quite old and very attached to me. Your dog must be a sweetheart. Gotta love pets for all the unconditional love they give.

 

[Makko]

When a celebrity dies of suicide, these are the same people who publish posts on social media about how depressed people should "seek help" or how "suicide is not an option" or that they are there to support anyone who needs help

When someone says "seek help" they mean "seek help in a way that doesn't inconvenience me, because I like to be thought of as a caring person but I'd rather not actually have to do anything for anyone because I have plenty of my own problems that I need to prioritise but I make sure to virtue signal on social media so that people don't think of me that way".

 

[Everybody_yells]

No one is going to save us, we either get up on our own or stay down. Has been my experience, at least.

I could relate to this as well. Call me pessimistic but sadly that's the human nature. We already have a handful with our own life and giving attention to something beyond that concerns us, is well we don't have a strong desire for. Of course I am not saying that everybody is selfish. There may be some who do selfless deeds. But well, who am I to judge!

 

[DarkWolf]

In my experience people don't want to hear it. I try to talk about feeling down or anything they just slience me. After my attempt, talking to people made me feel worse they don't understand at all. People telling me to stop thinking/feeling/saying that. The message I hear is clear i'm on my own sink or swim.

 

[Apathy79]

I was on the other side of this conversation when my best friend revealed a previous suicide attempt to me. We talked about it for hours that night over too much alcohol and it felt like the experience was useful for both of us really. But ultimately I didn't really get it or know how to help. After that night we stayed in close contact regularly for many more years but neither of us ever brought it up again. Then one day he tried again, and succeeded.

In my experience, it wasn't because I didn't care that I never brought it up, but because I assumed he didn't want to talk about it, and if he did he knew I was open to it so he could initiate it. I also knew I couldn't help. And trust me that one has stuck with me since that night not just since his death. I ultimately decided the best way to help was to just be his friend like I always was.

Given how similar the responses have been to you, I'm going to hazard a guess they think about it the same way I did. And if you want them to approach it differently, you might have to tell them that.

 

[Mentalmick]

No one is going to save us, we either get up on our own or stay down. Has been my experience, at least.

Definitely. In the caveman days people like us would just be left behind to rot or get eaten by something. Life hasn't really changed much, for us anyway.

 

[nolifer]

When someone says "seek help" they mean "seek help in a way that doesn't inconvenience me, because I like to be thought of as a caring person but I'd rather not actually have to do anything for anyone because I have plenty of my own problems that I need to prioritise but I make sure to virtue signal on social media so that people don't think of me that way".

Humans are driven at their core by self interest. When they talk about how people should be altruistic and sharing etc, they mean everyone else should be like that, but not themselves. It's great if everyone else is sharing, but it's not good to share your own things with others. Humanity is about being selfish but giving away an appearance of being an angel. It's just like politics where you have to appear to be a role model, wife, kids, christian, etc, and make lots of promises about making everyone happy. But then when you cheated your way to being elected, you just take all the bribes and get rich, abuse your power.

When you are coming to someone and asking for help with your depression, they are thinking about why they should care to listen to this, and why they should care to help. If you're not paying them, and they don't depend on you for anything, then they don't have much of a reason.

 

[UseItOrLoseIt]

Yeah, like I need to hear another time that life is amazing and be treated as an unreliable witness to my own condition.