Help Dilemma!

[puppy9]

Have you ever experienced that one moment you wanna live and on another you just wanna ctb?
I'm in a constant dilemma with living and ctb. I'm afraid of living and dying. I'm stuck. There's nothing good for me to live for and ctb would probably be a better choice, and if there's nothing good for me to live for; why I wanna to live? I couldn't fathom this feeling. Are there any steps to make a rational decision?

 

[Final Escape]

I'm in the same boat. Suicide can never truly be fully rational even if you have rational reasons for it. Being as young as you are what is putting you in this limbo? Are u in a bad living situation? I'm in limbo in part because of my age, having mental health issues, being in a job that makes me feel bad about myself that I see no way out of. I struggle to keep or create a support network and feel safer hiding out and isolating lol!

 

[puppy9]

I'm in the same boat. Suicide can never truly be fully rational even if you have rational reasons for it. Being as young as you are what is putting you in this limbo? Are u in a bad living situation? I'm in limbo in part because of my age, having mental health issues, being in a job that makes me feel bad about myself that I see no way out of. I struggle to keep or create a support network and feel safer hiding out and isolating lol!

Mental health issues mainly. Isolation is where I find solace. The world ways of living doesn't align with my constitutions, ergo, I'm not fit to live. Yeah rationality and emotions doesn't goes hand in hand.

 

[andy69]

As I get older hope becomes more irregular and fleeting. It is also like I am being taunted to end it all.

 

[not_a_robot]

Yes. Nothing to live for, and many hideous, humiliating reasons to die.
Yet I find I am a pitiful glutton for creature-comforts too, especially after being deprived of them. I finally have the perfect cheap, cozy things to make my home comfortable, and I want to enjoy it as much as possible, as long as possible.
My thought patterns will go like:
"No person can possibly endure more humiliation than this. You need to end it, end it *now*, it's only going to get worse...
That guy smiled at me again, I knew he liked me.
*End. it. now.*
What are you gonna do, go make an ass of yourself, again, because a guy keeps smiling at you? He's smiling because you remind him of his mom.

*End. It. Now.*
I love shopping for apartments, I can be happy in any tiny space.
*End this.*
You can only afford tiny shitty apartments in Tweakerville with pervy landlords, this is your life.
*End it now.*
Damn this bed is so cozy, and weed is legal now, and I just found the perfect laundry detergent. When do I have to end this all?
*Now*, dummy. Now.
You have to end it now.
*End. It. Now.*
So sleepy.
zzzzzz..."

Starts all over when I wake up. It's stupid, but I'm used to it.

Tell it to my shrink, she just calls me "exhausting." Sesame Street must be "exhausting" for her too, the lazy twat.

 

[not_a_robot]

Behold; the perfect laundry detergent. I know you're all so curious.
It doesn't do a very good job on bloodstains but damn, it smells so good.

Purex Natural Elements Laundry Detergent - Linen & Lilies Reviews – Viewpoints.com

www.viewpoints.com

 

[LifeIsNotFun]

Just make a list of all the pros and cons in your life. If the cons are bigger than pros, then CTB. But whatever choice you make is up to you, and I respect your decision. I on the other hand can't wait to CTB, and have made up my mind. No one can change it.

 

[Morphinekiss]

I go through phases. In my logical mind I know my ctb date is far far off. But when shit starts happening and I get overwhelmed like I am now, I want to toss myself in front of a taco truck and just spare everyone from having to deal with me and wracking up more medical bills.

 

[riverstyx]

When it comes right down to it, I want to live.

Because I'm seriously ill though, suicide seems like the better option when the time comes.

It's not strange that people are conflicted about this. After all, death is eternal sleep. A dark void. Living, although living can be difficult at times, is maybe better than not existing at all.

We all die eventually. We should make sure to play the cards life has dealt us to the best of our ability.

 

[dreamsofdestruction]

I'm in a constant dilemma with living and ctb. I'm afraid of living and dying. I'm stuck. There's nothing good for me to live for and ctb would probably be a better
choice, and if there's nothing good for me to live for; why I wanna to live? I couldn't fathom this feeling.

Can you imagine anything that would make life worthwhile? I know I can but it's just unreachable.

 

[Kjo]

My only will to live is for the people I'm trying to take care of, but I realize the burden I am or curse I was born of outweighs the financial means I can give. (Plus, they all spend money like crazy so as much as I want to help family and friends, I honestly can't keep them all afloat forever anyway.)

Unfortunately, some family members have made it clear how I would taint the family image if I go through, so guilt has me trudging on a little longer too....




Not a part of me wants to be alive anymore and it's been this way for over ten years - regardless of income, the countless careers I've had or degrees I've obtained, or "achievements" I've won, or even travels I've adventured. Personally, if even a part of me was hesitant to do it for whatever reason, even as surprisingly unexpected as Cheetos or laundry detergent, I'd hold out. Only do it, if it's 100% what you want, because you can't change your mind after you ctb.

Can you imagine anything that would make life worthwhile? I know I can but it's just unreachable.

What is? This unreachable thing (s)?

 

[Pistolero114]

I understand dilemma. Unfortunately when discussing ctb I'm afraid that emotions often times overrule our logic and we succumb to them no matter how fiercely we try to hang on to the logic of why be here at all. Sorry I was rambling; emotions over logic. Being emotional creatures human beings are prone to fall back on that as it is part of our "firmware" if you will. I'm in the same boat as you my friend. Good luck with what ever path you choose and may there be peace for you at the end.

 

[puppy9]

even as surprisingly unexpected as Cheetos or laundry detergent, I'd hold out.

This is me.
Is that a real sloth?
It's my first time quoting by deleting text.

Behold; the perfect laundry detergent. I know you're all so curious.
It doesn't do a very good job on bloodstains but damn, it smells so good.

Purex Natural Elements Laundry Detergent - Linen & Lilies Reviews – Viewpoints.com

www.viewpoints.com

This makes me wanna live for a whiff of it.

 

[Kjo]

This is me.
Is that a real sloth?
It's my first time quoting by deleting text.

This makes me wanna live for a whiff of it. S

Hello. It's a stuffed sloth animal, not real.
Kudos to quoting and deleting text accurately.

 

[not_a_robot]

This is me.
Is that a real sloth?
It's my first time quoting by deleting text.

This makes me wanna live for a whiff of it.

That was my sneaky pro-life plan all along...
GOTCHA!

 

[262653]

Are there any steps to make a rational decision?

I think that emotions give us direction, and rationality devices a plan to get there in the best conceivable way. But emotions can be triggered with mental images...
and building the planned image requires direction. It's tricky... Habits are too play in favor of living.

I gave up trying to reason with other parts of me and will resort to the cheap tricks because it's the best way I see.

 

[Dreamcolleger]

I think you have to find your own rational way to get there. If you can take a big break away from everything so you just have you and your thoughts, that should help.

I am 100% fucked, it is fact that I have absolutely nothing good to look forward to and my life is only going to get worse. I've also got to prove to myself I lost everything to horrible circumstances. If I'm not able to execute myself even despite the situation I'm in, then I really didn't lose anything and am just a weak guy living a life that's not worth it.

Not sure if any of that helps but I hope it can give you a perspective.