Help Difficulty believing it's that bad

[Life_and_Death]

I'm apparently in an abusive relationship, but I'm having trouble believing it. I don't want to believe it.
Some of his actions are inexcusable, but I let it go. It was just a thing that happened.
Other actions, what would I know. People have only ever treated me poorly. I wouldn't know a healthy relationship if I was in it and if I was I'd probably destroy it.
And some times I don't feel 'bad' but that doesn't mean his actions were right.

I don't want to be that girl. I don't want this to be my story.
I somehow need to accept that I am and it is, but idk how.

 

[Forever Dead]

It maybe possible that you are in an abusive relationship because your partner is a narcissist. My Mother was extremely abusive and controlling, and I grew up thinking that her behaviour was normal, but of course it wasnt. After I left home I ended up in a relationship that was also abusive. My partner derived great pleasure from putting me down, dictating what I should and shouldnt do, and being very nasty in general. Both my mother and partner were both narcissists. Maybe yours is too. Google narcissistic abuse and look on youtube. This will give you clues as to whether you are undergoing narcissistic abuse. Hugs.

 

[Life_and_Death]

It maybe possible that you are in an abusive relationship because your partner is a narcissist. My Mother was extremely abusive and controlling, and I grew up thinking that her behaviour was normal, but of course it wasnt. After I left home I ended up in a relationship that was also abusive. My partner derived great pleasure from putting me down, dictating what I should and shouldnt do, and being very nasty in general. Both my mother and partner were both narcissists. Maybe yours is too. Google narcissistic abuse and look on youtube. This will give you clues as to whether you are undergoing narcissistic abuse. Hugs.

Sadly I don't need to look into it. I've read and watched more websites, quotes and videos then I can count (too many to remember). I mostly relate to it. Some just about bringing me to tears, but I still struggle with it.

 

[timf]

It is a judgement call as to how bad is too bad. It can be complicated because things can change as well. For example, you might become more resentful and less tolerant. He might worsen.

You might consider giving some thought to escape plans should you decide that change is needed.

Someone once said that living alone is better than living with a mistake.

Only you can gauge what is tolerable.

 

[Life_and_Death]

It is a judgement call as to how bad is too bad. It can be complicated because things can change as well. For example, you might become more resentful and less tolerant. He might worsen.

You might consider giving some thought to escape plans should you decide that change is needed.

Someone once said that living alone is better than living with a mistake.

Only you can gauge what is tolerable.

To a degree you're right.
However physically pulling you out of the vehicle when they know you have social anxiety causing you to have a massive panic attack and humiliate yourself trying to hide from it, is straight up wrong.
Doing something after repeatedly saying "I said no" "please dont" is straight up wrong no matter what it is.
Some things he does is straight up wrong, makes me feel uncomfortable, unable to speak..... And I still question if it's that bad. If I'm over exaggerating it.

 

[Forever Dead]

Sadly I don't need to look into it. I've read and watched more websites, quotes and videos then I can count (too many to remember). I mostly relate to it. Some just about bringing me to tears, but I still struggle with it.

So sorry you are going through this. Hugs.

 

[Someone123]

To a degree you're right.
However physically pulling you out of the vehicle when they know you have social anxiety causing you to have a massive panic attack and humiliate yourself trying to hide from it, is straight up wrong.
Doing something after repeatedly saying "I said no" "please dont" is straight up wrong no matter what it is.
Some things he does is straight up wrong, makes me feel uncomfortable, unable to speak..... And I still question if it's that bad. If I'm over exaggerating it.

Truthfully, these are clear signs of an abusive relationship. It is clear that finding a way out would be the right path for you, but how to do this depends on your whole situation. WHen someone tries to pull away from an abuser they sometimes escalate things to try to keep control, but people do escape abisive relatiomnships- you probably need more expert advice for how to do this, but it is clear that this is abusive and finding a way out seems like the right thing to do.

 

[Life_and_Death]

Truthfully, these are clear signs of an abusive relationship. It is clear that finding a way out would be the right path for you, but how to do this depends on your whole situation. WHen someone tries to pull away from an abuser they sometimes escalate things to try to keep control, but people do escape abisive relatiomnships- you probably need more expert advice for how to do this, but it is clear that this is abusive and finding a way out seems like the right thing to do.

That's the problem. Expert advice how? I have a therapist but I'm not seeing her because of the pandemic. (stupidly) they're going to be removing restrictions here soon but for personal reason still cant/wont go (I can't wear a mask or get vaccinated). She's doing video calls but in general I find that a horrible idea unless you live alone. Therapy (except group therapy) is suppose to be a private thing, the whole house doesn't need to know. And talking about someone in the house makes it that much more of a no go.

I'm trying to find a way out but that's difficult. Honestly it's where my reference

if I was in it and if I was I'd probably destroy it.

Came from. There's this other guy I hope to be moving in with. It's heartbreaking but revealing to think "he wouldn't have done this". Of course I have bpd and addictions so things aren't perfect rn and I'm worried how that's going to go. In other words I'm destroying a healthy relationship before it even has a chance.

Truthfully, these are clear signs of an abusive relationship

Thanks, validation is always nice :)

 

[Someone123]

That's the problem. Expert advice how?

Maybe you could call someone from a women's shelter for advice, a shelter for women trying to escape abusive relationships. If there isn't one in your area you could call someone from another area. You could also search on youtube and on google by "how to escape an abusive relationship". I just did and there was a lot on info on youtibe- the first thing was a phone number of 1-800-799-SAFE(7233) for the National Domestic Violence Hotline- physically pulling you from a car is a form of violence so I think they could offer good advice, especially after asking about some details of your situation to try to assess how dangerous it may be and what steps to take, though of course this is not always predictable. There are many videos on youtube about this subject that look helpful. Best of luck. :)

 

[Life_and_Death]

Maybe you could call someone from a women's shelter for advice, a shelter for women trying to escape abusive relationships. If there isn't one in your area you could call someone from another area. You could also search on youtube and on google by "how to escape an abusive relationship". I just did and there was a lot on info on youtibe- the first thing was a phone number of 1-800-799-SAFE(7233) for the National Domestic Violence Hotline- physically pulling you from a car is a form of violence so I think they could offer good advice, especially after asking about some details of your situation to try to assess how dangerous it may be and what steps to take, though of course this is not always predictable. There are many videos on youtube about this subject that look helpful. Best of luck. :)

I'm with him 24/7 and have crippling social anxiety, I can't call anyone.

The biggest problem is him. I can see it being a fight until I can't hear him anymore. He does it every time and he doesn't stop until I don't have an answer and have to agree or just can't emotionally deal with it.

 

[Someone123]

I'm with him 24/7 and have crippling social anxiety, I can't call anyone.

The biggest problem is him. I can see it being a fight until I can't hear him anymore. He does it every time and he doesn't stop until I don't have an answer and have to agree or just can't emotionally deal with it.

Thanks for clarifying- this is clearly severe abuse where your life seems potentially at risk. Truthfully I think you need the police for this somehow. I just think you would need to find a way somehow to push past the social anxiety at some time. Is there ever a time when you could escape to the police somehow? You are somehow able to be on this site so maybe you could do something on the internet to be able to reach out for help, not sure how. Is there any time when he is away and you could sneak out and then call police? For a person to be this controlling and verbally abusive is a very dangerous situation- I really hope you can find a way to escape to police. Sometime one or both of you must need to go out for food or other supplies, maybe you could get a chance then.