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Sleipnir95

Sleipnir95

Member
Oct 13, 2025
6
This is my first post nice to meet everyone.

When I was 16 I remember like it was yesterday I first wanted to die. I had a few attempts even then. I truly believed in my mind I wouldn't live to be 21. Now 14 years later it's still an everyday thought. Even when life started to get better.

I suffer from social anxiety and depression since 16. My dreams torment me I get sleep paralysis at one point severally times a week for years. I just want out of this flesh honestly. Too scared of heights I'll probably go out with partially hanging because when I tried it before I didn't know you had to stop blood flow immediately so it doesn't feel like your eyes are literally going to explode. If not that I have a 30-30 lever action Winchester just need ammo.
 
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MyShadow

MyShadow

Torn between fixing and ending my life
Aug 27, 2025
443
This is my first post nice to meet everyone.

When I was 16 I remember like it was yesterday I first wanted to die. I had a few attempts even then. I truly believed in my mind I wouldn't live to be 21. Now 14 years later it's still an everyday thought. Even when life started to get better.

I suffer from social anxiety and depression since 16. My dreams torment me I get sleep paralysis at one point severally times a week for years. I just want out of this flesh honestly. Too scared of heights I'll probably go out with partially hanging because when I tried it before I didn't know you had to stop blood flow immediately so it doesn't feel like your eyes are literally going to explode. If not that I have a 30-30 lever action Winchester just need ammo.
Welcome to the forum. While I am sad that life has brought you here, this is a good place to express how you feel because you're not alone. In many ways we feel the same way.

I hope that you can find peace and kindness. We all need a little of that now.
 
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Sleipnir95

Sleipnir95

Member
Oct 13, 2025
6
Welcome to the forum. While I am sad that life has brought you here, this is a good place to express how you feel because you're not alone. In many ways we feel the same way.

I hope that you can find peace and kindness. We all need a little of that now.

Thank you for the welcome! It's nice to be around people who can relate idk it just makes things a little more bearable I guess at times because anyone in real life are probably burnt out hearing about it.
 
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MyShadow

MyShadow

Torn between fixing and ending my life
Aug 27, 2025
443
Thank you for the welcome! It's nice to be around people who can relate idk it just makes things a little more bearable I guess at times because anyone in real life are probably burnt out hearing about it.
I've only been here for about 6 weeks but have learned a lot. When you're struggling, it's important to feel heard and I've found that people can't handle an open discussion about suicide, so this forum is extremely helpful. I've found that just posting what I am feeling is extremely cathartic, even if nobody response.

It's also good to know that this forum provides helpful information on effective methods because so many people choose methods that don't and end up suffering needlessly and ending up in a worst place then they started off.

This forum is also important for finding resources to get help. While I am pro-choice, it's important to know that we can find help if we choose to.

I hope you find the peace and kindness that you deserve.
 
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Sleipnir95

Sleipnir95

Member
Oct 13, 2025
6
I've only been here for about 6 weeks but have learned a lot. When you're struggling, it's important to feel heard and I've found that people can't handle an open discussion about suicide, so this forum is extremely helpful. I've found that just posting what I am feeling is extremely cathartic, even if nobody response.

It's also good to know that this forum provides helpful information on effective methods because so many people choose methods that don't and end up suffering needlessly and ending up in a worst place then they started off.

This forum is also important for finding resources to get help. While I am pro-choice, it's important to know that we can find help if we choose to.

I hope you find the peace and kindness that you deserve.

I am also pro choice in terms of life and I have been browsing these forums for about two weeks now it's honestly a breath of fresh air. I have definitely checked out the methods that one should not attempt non methods I agree that it's important after all I doubt none of us wanna suffer anymore then we already have. Well, I couldn't find ammo but I did find an old family 12 gauge hidden away in the attic crawl space a few minutes ago and I do have ammo for that. What an absolute brutal way that would be to go out. I couldn't imagine really someone finding me looking like a burst melon however It's comforting knowing I now have a definite way out if I choose to.

I hope you find peace where you look as well!
 
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MyShadow

MyShadow

Torn between fixing and ending my life
Aug 27, 2025
443
I am also pro choice in terms of life and I have been browsing these forums for about two weeks now it's honestly a breath of fresh air. I have definitely checked out the methods that one should not attempt non methods I agree that it's important after all I doubt none of us wanna suffer anymore then we already have. Well, I couldn't find ammo but I did find an old family 12 gauge hidden away in the attic crawl space a few minutes ago and I do have ammo for that. What an absolute brutal way that would be to go out. I couldn't imagine really someone finding me looking like a burst melon however It's comforting knowing I now have a definite way out if I choose to.

I hope you find peace where you look as well!
While I respect your exit method, keep in mind that whoever discovers you will certainly be traumatized for the rest of their lives.
 
Sleipnir95

Sleipnir95

Member
Oct 13, 2025
6
While I respect your exit method, keep in mind that whoever discovers you will certainly be traumatized for the rest of their lives.
Oh most definitely this was a spare of the moment discovery. If I ever choose to go out so brutally I'll try my best not to be found for an extended period of time to increase the chances of nature and animals picking me apart and skeletonization but regardless I'm sure someone will inevitably discover me eventually, maybe a large body of water or dense woods. I definitely don't wanna traumatize anyone if I don't have to.
 
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unluckysadness

unluckysadness

Warlock
Jul 9, 2025
709
This is my first post nice to meet everyone.

When I was 16 I remember like it was yesterday I first wanted to die. I had a few attempts even then. I truly believed in my mind I wouldn't live to be 21. Now 14 years later it's still an everyday thought. Even when life started to get better.

I suffer from social anxiety and depression since 16. My dreams torment me I get sleep paralysis at one point severally times a week for years. I just want out of this flesh honestly. Too scared of heights I'll probably go out with partially hanging because when I tried it before I didn't know you had to stop blood flow immediately so it doesn't feel like your eyes are literally going to explode. If not that I have a 30-30 lever action Winchester just need ammo.
My agoraphobia began when I was 16 too. School bullying since I was 10 and a miserable life until today. Too much traumas, too much pain, too much anxiety. Just surviving all these decades.
 
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L

Ligottian

Enlightened
Dec 19, 2021
1,126
I am also pro choice in terms of life and I have been browsing these forums for about two weeks now it's honestly a breath of fresh air. I have definitely checked out the methods that one should not attempt non methods I agree that it's important after all I doubt none of us wanna suffer anymore then we already have. Well, I couldn't find ammo but I did find an old family 12 gauge hidden away in the attic crawl space a few minutes ago and I do have ammo for that. What an absolute brutal way that would be to go out. I couldn't imagine really someone finding me looking like a burst melon however It's comforting knowing I now have a definite way out if I choose to.

I hope you find peace where you look as well!
Do you plan on a head, chest, or stomach method?
 
Sleipnir95

Sleipnir95

Member
Oct 13, 2025
6
My agoraphobia began when I was 16 too. School bullying since I was 10 and a miserable life until today. Too much traumas, too much pain, too much anxiety. Just surviving all these decades.
I feel that bullying in highschool brought on my social anxiety and losing a loved one that same year brought on the depression and wanting to self harm it's been all downhill since. I'm sorry you've been going through this for years it's just an endless cycle of survival mode it seems like.
 

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