Hi all! I have a question for all of you who tried to ctb and, for one reason or another, failed in their attempt? Did you feel relieved you didn't die? Did you feel bad because you didn't die? I am just scared of going, but I know it will be for the best...
GoodPersonEffed
Brevity is my middle name, but my name was TL
- Jan 11, 2020
- 6,727
Probably good to post this in recovery as well. I think most people who survived and are happy about it hang out in recovery or stop hanging out on the site at all. @rikamonie was happy she survived.
Weightoftheworld
Let me burn.
- Apr 19, 2020
- 258
Absolutely not, I felt even more like a failure that I couldn't even just die correctly.
Shades of Grey
Student
- Jun 17, 2020
- 183
I've never attempted, but once intentionally ran my car off the highway to avoid causing an accident that likely would have seriously injured others.
Although it wasn't my intent, I fully expected that I was going to die on impact. (Final thought was that nobody would ever have to know that was what I wanted.) When I came to afterwards, I was devastated.
Half a lifetime ago, and every time I pass that spot, I still can't shake the feeling that was when/where I was supposed to have gone.
Although it wasn't my intent, I fully expected that I was going to die on impact. (Final thought was that nobody would ever have to know that was what I wanted.) When I came to afterwards, I was devastated.
Half a lifetime ago, and every time I pass that spot, I still can't shake the feeling that was when/where I was supposed to have gone.
dropdeadfred
Boarding the bus to Everlasting Dreamland ♡
- Oct 19, 2020
- 256
I wish I succeeded in the summer. Now my mental health has healed a bit now that the worst has passed and I'm on the fence but that's no better. Now it's like being slowly tortured over time. Continue kind of healing but always have an open emotional wound, or just end the torment even though I'm kind of better
Time to fly
TTFN - time to fly now
- Nov 3, 2020
- 255
In total I have 10 failed attempts...yes I feel a failure...but I have to keep trying as I will get it right one day...failing really does suck as you realise you have to face people again that will never trust you fully again
It feels like a weird limbo. You legitimately don't expect the clock to go on for you past that point, and once it has, it's just "What now?"
illbeinthegarage
funs fun but who needs it
- Jun 14, 2020
- 316
no. it sucks knowing im such a failure i cant even kill myself right
shay23
Student
- Nov 2, 2020
- 174
I almost died in November 2019 after my attempt but I called for help in a panic and got admitted to hospital in an ambulance with blue flashing lights.
I can't believe I survived just to have 2020 happen...
Still suicidal.
I can't believe I survived just to have 2020 happen...
Still suicidal.
Indifferent. Shit happens and I accept whatever consequences of my failure. Will try again soon though.
Caspers
Lost
- Jun 23, 2020
- 403
Not one slight bit. Regret it every day. Saying goodbye to my friends online when doing it was the biggest mistake I made. Or maybe I'm in hell with all the repercussions of a bloody hypoxic brain injury. I'm permanently disabled psychologically for the rest of this miserable life.
Time to fly
TTFN - time to fly now
- Nov 3, 2020
- 255
Sorry to hear that...I said goodbye to everyone on my first attempt and regret everyday of that...32 years ago and people still don't let me forget what heartache I caused them...
darksideofthebright
Check in on your happy friend
- Nov 10, 2020
- 251
It's a mixed feeling really.
I feel so much regret that it didn't happen. But then, I realised that there were some stuff I hadn't been able to do feel completely at peace with everything, so in a way, failing at my prior attempts has allowed me to get all affairs in order.
But I know it's a completely different feeling for everyone though. My thoughts go out to everyone who has failed and is now regretting it as well as the ones who have failed and are now recovering.
I feel so much regret that it didn't happen. But then, I realised that there were some stuff I hadn't been able to do feel completely at peace with everything, so in a way, failing at my prior attempts has allowed me to get all affairs in order.
But I know it's a completely different feeling for everyone though. My thoughts go out to everyone who has failed and is now regretting it as well as the ones who have failed and are now recovering.
Caspers
Lost
- Jun 23, 2020
- 403
Wow, that must be tough. Thankfully everyone pretends it didn't happen, probably because I lost all my memory and had no clue it was an attempt until much later
Time to fly
TTFN - time to fly now
- Nov 3, 2020
- 255
They like to make me feel guilty all the time...had 9 other failures since but no-one knows about them...the next time I will make sure it's 100%
MiseryLovesMyCompany
Arcanist
- Oct 8, 2020
- 482
On the contrary, I just hated myself even more after that. I regret not being successful. I will plan everything as much as I can in order to avoid failing next time.
With my luck, something will go wrong again. Like everything else does in my life.
With my luck, something will go wrong again. Like everything else does in my life.
CO method is more complicated than you'd think, especially if you don't knock yourself out with drugs which is what I should have done. I only had alcohol, thought I would just fall asleep as the CO built up... was in a tent. Even though you wait until most of the smoke has gone, shit still gets smokey as fuck when you bring the coals inside and it's like a sauna. So yeah.. I ended up abandoning ship as I never went unconscious, was just inhaling fumes lol. I am not happy about it. My life is a dead end I don't really know what to do now.. burnt a hole in the tent so that's fucked. Still got coal left, don't know if I'll try that method again though
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