Did you ever practice acceptance?

[VivaldiBR]

"you have to work your acceptance. You must accept life as it presents itself to you now"

Therapeutic common sense says that we must accept things as they are at the present moment, because that is how life is. We can try to change a bad situation, but we must accept our current conditions even if they are uncomfortable.

What do you think of these thoughts? Do you practice acceptance?
Did it work for you?

 

[MichaelNomad123]

I think acceptance is an exceptionally powerful tool. I think we all practice it to an extent because we wouldn't be able to get past lifes very first hurdles if we did not. I think the mastery of acceptance is something that few engage with but could potentially be an extraordinary source of strength. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think it's one of the foundations of Buddhism?

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

I practice acceptance, have for several years now.

I'm not sure what you mean by did it work for me. Care to elaborate?

 

[Deleted member 23374]

To the extent of keeping myself from killing fools yes.

I think acceptance is an exceptionally powerful tool. I think we all practice it to an extent because we wouldn't be able to get past lifes very first hurdles if we did not. I think the mastery of acceptance is something that few engage with but could potentially be an extraordinary source of strength. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think it's one of the foundations of Buddhism?

This set a visual in my head that i understand, thank you.

 

[MichaelNomad123]

To the extent of keeping myself from killing fools yes.


This set a visual in my head that i understand, thank you.

Happy to help.

 

[woxihuanni]

I am not entirely sure I understand. So for instance, if some stranger is pushing his dick in my mouth should I accept it? Where do we precisely draw the line as to what things we are allowed not to accept?

It is worth checking if the therapist has a space in it, haha.

 

[Life_and_Death]

I've been practicing acceptance so much all its done is cause anxiety and more problems

 

[BitterlyAlive]

I think acceptance is an exceptionally powerful tool. I think we all practice it to an extent because we wouldn't be able to get past lifes very first hurdles if we did not. I think the mastery of acceptance is something that few engage with but could potentially be an extraordinary source of strength. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think it's one of the foundations of Buddhism?

I agree, acceptance is very powerful. I think there are a couple of barriers to acceptance, personally. First, acceptance can feel very painful. Plus, there may be the thought of "accepting my circumstances means saying that they're okay", even though that's not necessarily true. I think I read recently that acceptance and commitment therapy (or whatever) does have roots in Buddhism. It reminds me a bit of the Four Noble Truths.

 

[netrezven]

I'm simple. What's done is done. What matters is the what to do next. In my life i never got the luxury to accept or be sorry for someting. If i made a mistke - learn and try not to repeat it, till the next one :). I'm not that personatily type to blame others for my problems, but whoever is causing me trouble won't be accepted for sure.

 

[woxihuanni]

Yes, that kind of brainwashing does sound like b*ddhism. That ideology functions as a rape drug, subdues everybody quite well.

 

[MichaelNomad123]

Yes, that kind of brainwashing does sound like b*ddhism. That ideology functions as a rape drug, subdues everybody quite well.

Yikes.

 

[greebo6]

Its a very hard skill to master.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

I have no choice but to accept, at least as best I can. Other than suicide, I don't see what the alternative is. However, it doesn't stop me trying to change something for the better.

Indeed, before you can attempt positive change, you have to accept the validity of negative circumstances.

That's why I believe that mindless optimism can be dangerous, by avoiding admitting the validity of feeling bad about a bad situation. However, relentless pessimism is equally dangerous, because acceptance is worthless without the will to provoke the attempt to make a positive change.

 

[Deleted member 23374]

Okay, this is the petal on the river ?

 

[VivaldiBR]

I think acceptance is an exceptionally powerful tool. I think we all practice it to an extent because we wouldn't be able to get past lifes very first hurdles if we did not. I think the mastery of acceptance is something that few engage with but could potentially be an extraordinary source of strength. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think it's one of the foundations of Buddhism?

You are correct. But therapy commom sense uses that tool too. I've saw it on both spaces.

 

[sufferingalways]

I have no choice but to accept, at least as best I can. Other than suicide, I don't see what the alternative is. However, it doesn't stop me trying to change something for the better.

Indeed, before you can attempt positive change, you have to accept the validity of negative circumstances.

That's why I believe that mindless optimism can be dangerous, by avoiding admitting the validity of feeling bad about a bad situation. However, relentless pessimism is equally dangerous, because acceptance is worthless without the will to provoke the attempt to make a positive change.

Hi I really like this part of your message especially;
before you can attempt positive change, you have to "accept the validity of negative circumstances. "

Any guidance on how this might be tried? I would like to try it for my situations. :)

 

[VivaldiBR]

I practice acceptance, have for several years now.

I'm not sure what you mean by did it work for me. Care to elaborate?

If you saw any changes in your conception of life. If your mind could be more stable.

I am not entirely sure I understand. So for instance, if some stranger is pushing his dick in my mouth should I accept it? Where do we precisely draw the line as to what things we are allowed not to accept?

It is worth checking if the therapist has a space in it, haha.

It is not a matter of self-defense, but accepting what we cannot change at the present life by external forces or even internal force.

I have no choice but to accept, at least as best I can. Other than suicide, I don't see what the alternative is. However, it doesn't stop me trying to change something for the better.

Indeed, before you can attempt positive change, you have to accept the validity of negative circumstances.

That's why I believe that mindless optimism can be dangerous, by avoiding admitting the validity of feeling bad about a bad situation. However, relentless pessimism is equally dangerous, because acceptance is worthless without the will to provoke the attempt to make a positive change.

"The middle way", to quote Buddhism again.

 

[sufferingalways]

I'm confused. What's the middle way?

 

[VivaldiBR]

I'm confused. What's the middle way?

Sorry. It was only a joke.

But "the middle way" is a buddhism concept. Google it. It will be easy to find.

 

[woxihuanni]

It is a good thing I will be dead rather than dictator. Because I'd forbid mind-obliterating drugs like b*ddhism and everybody would have to learn to deal with life like normal people.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

Any guidance on how this might be tried? I would like to try it for my situations. :)

That's kind of tough because it's all so personal. I can't offer guidance, I can only speak of my own story, not by any means to 'make it about me' but because my perspective is all I have to offer...

Before I was completely broken down, whilst I was still trying to seek help, I hadn't accepted my situation, I was still rebelling against it. I was following doctor's advice and listening to the psych. But they were essentially telling me it was wrong to be depressed and I shouldn't be feeling anxious, that my issues were in my mind and that had to be corrected.
I refused to listen to them because they were ignoring the very things that were affecting me so, namely my physical health problems.
After I was abandoned in this new house, after a period where my health was at such a low point I ended up in hospital, I very gradually started to accept that I had physical issues that weren't going to go away or be cured by doctors that wouldn't listen. I started to accept the chronic sleeplessness, the pain and the fear. I accepted that is was appropriate to feel miserable in these circumstances, even if not desirable. I accepted that I was horrifically anxious because fear had taken over my life.
Then I started to do whatever small things I could to improve my situation, all the while understanding that i wasn't trying to get back to the life I once had, but to move ahead as best I could with the one I now had. I felt bitterness, which again I accepted as reasonable. I felt anger, which I used as a weapon to focus myself and give me motivation.
I cleaned the new house, I made the garden into a lovely place, scavenging the neighbourhood for other people's discarded plants, pots and compost. I started to eat better, where previously I had been starving myself. Eventually, I even started to sleep. Previously I had been sleeping for less than an hour a night for months. I began a carefully researched supplementation regime, something i still experiment with.
I never had any intention of following any 'middle way.' I never had any intention of anything except survival. I made no choice to try and accept, I was forced into it by my circumstances and it would never have happened if i hadn't been beaten down and broken.
If I hadn't accepted reality and continued to labour under a false understanding of my situation, then I could never have made the attempt to improve it.
I'm still trying and I often fuck it up and I'm still frequently unhappy, depressed, anxious and afraid. I think those are perfectly reasonable things to feel in the situation I find myself in. I don't like those things, but I do try to accept them, precisely so that I can try and live with them and get beyond them. Those things aren't going away, so really there is no other choice for me.
I worry about the future and at some stage I really do need input from doctors. But now I have a more realistic attitude and understand the limitations they have to work within. Unfortunately, I can't see me getting help on that front due to the plague being in town.

 

[VivaldiBR]

everybody would have to learn to deal with life like normal people.

you just defined Buddhism: dealing with life like any normal person.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

If you saw any changes in your conception of life. If your mind could be more stable.

It definitely brought stability. I accept that things suck when they suck, I experience when they suck, I experience how it feels like shit, and the same process when things are good -- neither throws me far off from my self, my center, I stay aware through both. If something is awful and I don't have any agency to affect change, then I stay present through it; if it's amazing, I don't cling to it and let it carry me away from reality, I stay grounded, I don't get "high." I deal with the discomfort that there are things I have no way of knowing, rather than seeking the comfort of an unprovable belief to get me through. The truth may hurt, and not knowing may hurt, but what isn't true causes harm by separating me from reality, and then later once I learn and/or accept the truth, I see how separation from reality fucked me up, even if it was comforting at the time, and how there's all the more to recover from because I of that separation.

I don't know if it impacted my conception of life, that's kind of broad, we may mean different things. I'm more realistic now, less optimistic blindly trusting, and happy. I have to work to maintain my balance because I have a tendency to lean toward nihilism now. I suppose that's where I find serenity in acceptance, in connecting with my center and striving for emotional balance and being fully present, even during the worst, even during the best, though I don't know that I would call it serenity, perhaps genuinely comforting at times. I've come to accept I've never had any evidence of "God" in my life, and anything I perceived as some kind of magic was either a manipulation or a cognitive distortion, because I didn't have a way to explain it, and either someone explained it with intent to manipulate, or I didn't know how to maintain my self in uncertainty or even skepticism. The world is scarier with acceptance because of what is revealed, like that some people and situations will likely never improve, and at the same time safer because I am more aware, less caught off guard by awfulness.

 

[woxihuanni]

you just defined Buddhism: dealing with life like any normal person.

Obviously, observed from outside, you give a very different impression. Maybe peactice acceptance for the fact?

 

[VivaldiBR]

That's kind of tough because it's all so personal. I can't offer guidance, I can only speak of my own story, not by any means to 'make it about me' but because my perspective is all I have to offer...

Before I was completely broken down, whilst I was still trying to seek help, I hadn't accepted my situation, I was still rebelling against it. I was following doctor's advice and listening to the psych. But they were essentially telling me it was wrong to be depressed and I shouldn't be feeling anxious, that my issues were in my mind and that had to be corrected.
I refused to listen to them because they were ignoring the very things that were affecting me so, namely my physical health problems.
After I was abandoned in this new house, after a period where my health was at such a low point I ended up in hospital, I very gradually started to accept that I had physical issues that weren't going to go away or be cured by doctors that wouldn't listen. I started to accept the chronic sleeplessness, the pain and the fear. I accepted that is was appropriate to feel miserable in these circumstances, even if not desirable. I accepted that I was horrifically anxious because fear had taken over my life.
Then I started to do whatever small things I could to improve my situation, all the while understanding that i wasn't trying to get back to the life I once had, but to move ahead as best I could with the one I now had. I felt bitterness, which again I accepted as reasonable. I felt anger, which I used as a weapon to focus myself and give me motivation.
I cleaned the new house, I made the garden into a lovely place, scavenging the neighbourhood for other people's discarded plants, pots and compost. I started to eat better, where previously I had been starving myself. Eventually, I even started to sleep. Previously I had been sleeping for less than an hour a night for months. I began a carefully researched supplementation regime, something i still experiment with.
I never had any intention of following any 'middle way.' I never had any intention of anything except survival. I made no choice to try and accept, I was forced into it by my circumstances and it would never have happened if i hadn't been beaten down and broken.
If I hadn't accepted reality and continued to labour under a false understanding of my situation, then I could never have made the attempt to improve it.
I'm still trying and I often fuck it up and I'm still frequently unhappy, depressed, anxious and afraid. I think those are perfectly reasonable things to feel in the situation I find myself in. I don't like those things, but I do try to accept them, precisely so that I can try and live with them and get beyond them. Those things aren't going away, so really there is no other choice for me.
I worry about the future and at some stage I really do need input from doctors. But now I have a more realistic attitude and understand the limitations they have to work within. Unfortunately, I can't see me getting help on that front due to the plague being in town.

Thank you for sharing your story. I hope your situation gets better and better.

It definitely brought stability. I accept that things suck when they suck, I experience when they suck, I experience how it feels like shit, and the same process when things are good -- neither throws me far off from my self, my center, I stay aware through both. If something is awful and I don't have any agency to affect change, then I stay present through it; if it's amazing, I don't cling to it and let it carry me away from reality, I stay grounded, I don't get "high." I deal with the discomfort that there are things I have no way of knowing, rather than seeking the comfort of an unprovable belief to get me through. The truth may hurt, and not knowing may hurt, but what isn't true causes harm by separating me from reality, and then later once I learn and/or accept the truth, I see how separation from reality fucked me up, even if it was comforting at the time, and how there's all the more to recover from because I of that separation.

I don't know if it impacted my conception of life, that's kind of broad, we may mean different things. I'm more realistic now, less optimistic blindly trusting, and happy. I have to work to maintain my balance because I have a tendency to lean toward nihilism now. I suppose that's where I find serenity in acceptance, in connecting with my center and striving for emotional balance and being fully present, even during the worst, even during the best, though I don't know that I would call it serenity, perhaps genuinely comforting at times. I've come to accept I've never had any evidence of "God" in my life, and anything I perceived as some kind of magic was either a manipulation or a cognitive distortion, because I didn't have a way to explain it, and either someone explained it with intent to manipulate, or I didn't know how to maintain my self in uncertainty or even skepticism. The world is scarier with acceptance because of what is revealed, like that some people and situations will likely never improve, and at the same time safer because I am more aware, less caught off guard by awfulness.

What a wonderful testimony! Thank you for sharing. I felt a very good feeling reading your comment.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

I accept that things suck when they suck, I experience when they suck, I experience how it feels like shit, and the same process when things are good -- neither throws me far off from my self, my center, I stay aware through both. If something is awful and I don't have any agency to affect change, then I stay present through it; if it's amazing, I don't cling to it and let it carry me away from reality, I stay grounded, I don't get "high."

'The middle way', to quote Buddhism again?

Thank you for sharing your story. I hope your situation gets better and better.

Thank-you.

Also: https://www.poemhunter.com/poem/if/

 

[VivaldiBR]

Obviously, observed from outside, you give a very different impression. Maybe peactice acceptance for the fact?

Sorry, I did not get it.

 

[sufferingalways]

That's kind of tough because it's all so personal. I can't offer guidance, I can only speak of my own story, not by any means to 'make it about me' but because my perspective is all I have to offer...

Before I was completely broken down, whilst I was still trying to seek help, I hadn't accepted my situation, I was still rebelling against it. I was following doctor's advice and listening to the psych. But they were essentially telling me it was wrong to be depressed and I shouldn't be feeling anxious, that my issues were in my mind and that had to be corrected.
I refused to listen to them because they were ignoring the very things that were affecting me so, namely my physical health problems.
After I was abandoned in this new house, after a period where my health was at such a low point I ended up in hospital, I very gradually started to accept that I had physical issues that weren't going to go away or be cured by doctors that wouldn't listen. I started to accept the chronic sleeplessness, the pain and the fear. I accepted that is was appropriate to feel miserable in these circumstances, even if not desirable. I accepted that I was horrifically anxious because fear had taken over my life.
Then I started to do whatever small things I could to improve my situation, all the while understanding that i wasn't trying to get back to the life I once had, but to move ahead as best I could with the one I now had. I felt bitterness, which again I accepted as reasonable. I felt anger, which I used as a weapon to focus myself and give me motivation.
I cleaned the new house, I made the garden into a lovely place, scavenging the neighbourhood for other people's discarded plants, pots and compost. I started to eat better, where previously I had been starving myself. Eventually, I even started to sleep. Previously I had been sleeping for less than an hour a night for months. I began a carefully researched supplementation regime, something i still experiment with.
I never had any intention of following any 'middle way.' I never had any intention of anything except survival. I made no choice to try and accept, I was forced into it by my circumstances and it would never have happened if i hadn't been beaten down and broken.
If I hadn't accepted reality and continued to labour under a false understanding of my situation, then I could never have made the attempt to improve it.
I'm still trying and I often fuck it up and I'm still frequently unhappy, depressed, anxious and afraid. I think those are perfectly reasonable things to feel in the situation I find myself in. I don't like those things, but I do try to accept them, precisely so that I can try and live with them and get beyond them. Those things aren't going away, so really there is no other choice for me.
I worry about the future and at some stage I really do need input from doctors. But now I have a more realistic attitude and understand the limitations they have to work within. Unfortunately, I can't see me getting help on that front due to the plague being in town.

I hear you and thank you for putting your situation in the frame. That helps me to navigate my own way round what I may need to do. Sorry to hear that you're struggling with your health too. It's a bastard the plague brings lockdown again.
Hugs xx.

 

[Ghost2211]

I realized I did this unintentionally. A week ago I was scared of everything, but then I thought about the three main paths ahead for a while. I couldn't sleep for two days, but in the end I made peace with the paths ahead. I'm not afraid anymore. I accept whichever direction life takes me, and it's ok.

 

[Fedrea]

"you have to work your acceptance. You must accept life as it presents itself to you now"

Therapeutic common sense says that we must accept things as they are at the present moment, because that is how life is. We can try to change a bad situation, but we must accept our current conditions even if they are uncomfortable.

What do you think of these thoughts? Do you practice acceptance?
Did it work for you?

Yes, very much so. I just had many repeated new onset worsenings in quality of life and eventually it gets harder to do