I had a good cry a couple of days ago. Not really from sadness but more of a relief that I have something (fentanyl) that can give me a nice pain-free exit and I am ready to go.
I was up all night thinking about what my exit date and all the details and thought "dude you don't even know how strong the pills are. It might not be enough to kill you!"
Then I decided to try a bit of the fentanyl just like how I tried a bit of the SN that I got earlier this month. I know it's fentanyl because I tested it, but I do not its purity. I can't seem to find a test you can buy from a drug store for that. I took half a pill and it definately took the wind out of me. I felt myself falling asleep and took notice that I wasn't breathing. I had to consciously breathe. I've never had fentanyl so either it's very strong and/or my tolerance is low even thought I use hydrocodone recreationally on the weekends.
If that's how you go out, then I am at peace with it. It's just like how other people described their fentanyl overdose experiences. You just go into a deep sleep. No pain, no discomfort, etc.
To be honest, I really don't want to wrap up loose ends in my life anymore. I just want to go. The only loose ends are some work stuff and bringing in some extra income. I don't know if I can hold out long enough to see through those things.
I was up all night thinking about what my exit date and all the details and thought "dude you don't even know how strong the pills are. It might not be enough to kill you!"
Then I decided to try a bit of the fentanyl just like how I tried a bit of the SN that I got earlier this month. I know it's fentanyl because I tested it, but I do not its purity. I can't seem to find a test you can buy from a drug store for that. I took half a pill and it definately took the wind out of me. I felt myself falling asleep and took notice that I wasn't breathing. I had to consciously breathe. I've never had fentanyl so either it's very strong and/or my tolerance is low even thought I use hydrocodone recreationally on the weekends.
If that's how you go out, then I am at peace with it. It's just like how other people described their fentanyl overdose experiences. You just go into a deep sleep. No pain, no discomfort, etc.
To be honest, I really don't want to wrap up loose ends in my life anymore. I just want to go. The only loose ends are some work stuff and bringing in some extra income. I don't know if I can hold out long enough to see through those things.
