I managed to get Diazepam 5mg for use with SN. I have never used it before. How many tablets should I take before SN to stay relaxed?
I'm prescribed Ativan, a cousin to Valium or diazepam. It works slower, lasts longer, and makes one very uninhibited. I think I've heard that any of these also act as an anti-emitic. Not sure of the method for SN and the reaction is causes. I know that it takes a bit of valium to buzz me, and less Ativan to feel the effect. I know when I CTB someday, I'll be using my Ativan as I don't take it all the time so it remains effective. I will combine it with alcohol likely and oxycodone for an added effect of painlessness. Often times in the past, when I begin to drink, I've had a euphoria and desire to just release from my body and float away. It gives me a profound sense of the eternal release from this ridiculous existence, the rosacea skin blisters, the sinus problems, the shitty expensive doctors who were in school to make money and not help people, the horrible global elitist scum who want to hurt the innocent, the people who've pretended to be friends only to shit on me.
Once, I tried putting a plastic bag over my head upon drinking and dosing with pills to see if I could just push myslef over. The feeling of heat and lack of oxygen made me feel uneasy, so I know it wasn't enough. I'd kind of hoped that the drugs would do the trick, but they weren't enough either. I know I'll have to be in a liberated state of mind that will enable me to carry out whatever I try, I'm mad that its this difficult and makes me want to leave by my own hand some day even more so, and even madder that those in power want to prevent me. Its none of anyone's business but mine.