I have less than a week to CTB. But should really get on with it in case any issues.
I don't know how I feel about it as feeling more detached of life as they damage my brain more. I feel weird and not right, bit out of it, on edge but empty. I don't feel real but maybe because little of me left . If honest , I'm terrified of method but don't have choice. Want to leave family letter but can't find words. They deserve answers though as does anyone who gets caught up in this. Maybe will copy my posts from here but make it seem like diary as my family would never understand this site. Ending up ctb right before should've been on family holiday, ruin that, but can't leave it later or won't save people. Everyday feels torture so not sure why not ready. But I have to pull myself together and do it. This is bigger than me. And soon I won't have enough control left to do it either. I feel like getting drunk before ctb , I know bad idea but feels like only way I'll push myself.
Sorry rambling on again please ignore
I don't know how I feel about it as feeling more detached of life as they damage my brain more. I feel weird and not right, bit out of it, on edge but empty. I don't feel real but maybe because little of me left . If honest , I'm terrified of method but don't have choice. Want to leave family letter but can't find words. They deserve answers though as does anyone who gets caught up in this. Maybe will copy my posts from here but make it seem like diary as my family would never understand this site. Ending up ctb right before should've been on family holiday, ruin that, but can't leave it later or won't save people. Everyday feels torture so not sure why not ready. But I have to pull myself together and do it. This is bigger than me. And soon I won't have enough control left to do it either. I feel like getting drunk before ctb , I know bad idea but feels like only way I'll push myself.
Sorry rambling on again please ignore
