Desperately struggling

[SMG08ABUSER]

I am a 24 year old guy. I have never been in a relationship before and I really want to CTB. I can't get over the fact that I will leave this world without anyone truly caring about me.

I've been made fun of by girls and other guys due to being ugly throughout the past 10 years, despite attempts to work on myself, such as going to the gym and successfully losing weight. I was still laughed at and made fun of by girls and other guys in my age group, resulting in heavily lowered self-esteem.

I'm very scared to download dating apps due to these experiences I've had IRL. I'd end up being one of those guys with 10s of thousands of swipes and 0 matches. I am fully aware that having a gf would not solve any of my problems. It would at least feel validating to know that someone accepts me for who I am and loves and cares about me.

I wake up almost every morning having a depressive episode and my face is flooded with tears. I'm not sure how much longer I can live this life anymore. Seeking professional help and taking medication has only increased my desire to CTB.

I wish my life didn't have to be this way. I am desperate for help.

 

[Redacted24]

Being bullied is awful. I was as a teen and continue to be as an adult. It's definitely not conducive for good self esteem, right?
A few things I've used over the years,...
First, i just stopped caring about what was said or done to me. It's not easy every single time but I simply imagined my tormentors as wolves on the steppes of Central Asia. I don't care how much they howl: it means nothing to me.
A side benefit, it really annoys the hell out of them. Again, howl as much as you want, it means nothing.
Then I focused on myself. I used the time to study and just learn random things. Not to impress anyone (nobodys impressed by an undernourished male with mismatched clothes and needing a haircut!) Nope. Not for them: for me. My own personal satisfaction. The only person I had to please was myself.
The wolves moved on.
In due course some people, male and female, noticed I was actually funny and nice.

You have to care about yourself and your own happiness more than you care about what others think about you.

Embrace the you that you are.
I'm a geeky nerd. Yeah, I'm okay with that.
Hang in there friend, you don't need to listen to wolves. Banish them to Krasnoyarsk where they belong.

 

[Celerity]

As a 30 year-old woman who has also never been in a relationship, it sucks ass to put yourself out there, but you have to do it. Don't do what I did and wait to get in the game. Something that may make you feel better is remembering that 1) people sometimes get better-looking with age, especially dudes and 2) idiots in high school may or may not have known wtf they were talking about.

I look back on my 20s and groan at how insecure I used to be for no good reason. I too was bullied in school to the point that I had no idea when men were hitting on me for years. With how I felt about myself, I just could not fathom how someone could find me attractive. It did not compute.

Dating apps may or may not be the answer, as they can be brutal, especially for dudes. Even men I found to be good catches struggle on them immensely. Are there any women you know who you'd like to ask out? Even a mild interest may evolve into more. At the very least, it won't be so crushing if someone who's not your dream girl turns you down.

I would also like to add that people are dating and marrying later than they used to in the past. Trust me when I say that there are more people than you think in your position. A lot of my classmates in grad school were model-level gorgeous and still carrying their v-card. It's different for women. We are not as driven to have sex as men are and are more risk averse on the whole. You may just find a desirable woman with a similar experience level.

 

[SMG08ABUSER]

Being bullied is awful. I was as a teen and continue to be as an adult. It's definitely not conducive for good self esteem, right?
A few things I've used over the years,...
First, i just stopped caring about what was said or done to me. It's not easy every single time but I simply imagined my tormentors as wolves on the steppes of Central Asia. I don't care how much they howl: it means nothing to me.
A side benefit, it really annoys the hell out of them. Again, howl as much as you want, it means nothing.
Then I focused on myself. I used the time to study and just learn random things. Not to impress anyone (nobodys impressed by an undernourished male with mismatched clothes and needing a haircut!) Nope. Not for them: for me. My own personal satisfaction. The only person I had to please was myself.
The wolves moved on.
In due course some people, male and female, noticed I was actually funny and nice.

You have to care about yourself and your own happiness more than you care about what others think about you.

Embrace the you that you are.
I'm a geeky nerd. Yeah, I'm okay with that.
Hang in there friend, you don't need to listen to wolves. Banish them to Krasnoyarsk where they belong.

Thank you for this. I want to try and apply this to my life and stop worrying about what others think.

As a 30 year-old woman who has also never been in a relationship, it sucks ass to put yourself out there, but you have to do it. Don't do what I did and wait to get in the game. Something that may make you feel better is remembering that 1) people sometimes get better-looking with age, especially dudes and 2) idiots in high school may or may not have known wtf they were talking about.

I look back on my 20s and groan at how insecure I used to be for no good reason. I too was bullied in school to the point that I had no idea when men were hitting on me for years. With how I felt about myself, I just could not fathom how someone could find me attractive. It did not compute.

Dating apps may or may not be the answer, as they can be brutal, especially for dudes. Even men I found to be good catches struggle on them immensely. Are there any women you know who you'd like to ask out? Even a mild interest may evolve into more. At the very least, it won't be so crushing if someone who's not your dream girl turns you down.

I would also like to add that people are dating and marrying later than they used to in the past. Trust me when I say that there are more people than you think in your position. A lot of my classmates in grad school were model-level gorgeous and still carrying their v-card. It's different for women. We are not as driven to have sex as men are and are more risk averse on the whole. You may just find a desirable woman with a similar experience level.

Thank you for taking the time to reply.

I unfortunately don't really know any women IRL, so to put myself out there I'll probably need to start using dating apps or find some hobbies to try out. Like you told me, I'm gonna have to put myself out there some way.

Come to think of it, there were actually some girls back in high school who acted flirtatiously around me too, despite me being picked on at times. I either did not reciprocate the same feelings or was just too dense to notice at the time. Probably the former to be honest.

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

I'd like to provide my viewpoint. As someone who has been in a relationship, it's not easy at times. If It ends, it can leave you in a worse position than you already were in. I only had my first attempt after being cheated on. Now, I'm on the path to recovery and healing and honestly happier than ever but I very clearly remember the feeling of despair I had before I was in a relationship. I felt like I was going to live without any affection or love.

I agree with what @Celerity said about putting yourself out there. I was lucky enough to meet mine in high school. My biggest piece of advice is don't go into it initially looking for a partner. Find a hobby you enjoy, and make some friends with that hobby. If you can meet a female friend in that hobby, that's great and you can slowly get to know that person. I'm a firm believer that relationships built on friendships are better but I could be wrong as everyone and every relationship is different

Come to think of it, there were actually some girls back in high school who acted flirtatiously around me too, despite me being picked on at times. I either did not reciprocate the same feelings or was just too dense to notice at the time. Probably the former to be honest.

I felt the part about being too dense to notice. According to some friends, they knew girls who liked me and they wouldn't say names, but it was more than I could've thought, they said at least 10 and they said many of them didn't hide it very well. But I, as a guy, was very dense and never got clues well.

Anyways, my advice it to pursue new hobbies and build a social life. It may not fix anything, but it may make you very happy, only you will be able to find out. I wish you the best of luck in your pursuit of love and happiness and hope you can find the path to recovery!