Help desperate

[123monday123]

I dont really know whom to talk to so I decided to share my feelings and thoughts here.
I am feeling awful right now. I dont know what to do... I am in a horrible situation and I dont know how to get out because no one is even thinking of helping me. I dont want to die but I dont know what else to do beside killing myself. I am thinking of suicide every single day since over a year. I simply want the pain to stop...
I am tired of living under this circumstances and I dont have the strength to carry on.
Everyday feels like a nightmare and I cant wake up... Its so awful. I never ever thought life could feel this bad.
There is nothing I really like to do besides thinking of how to kill myself. Sadly it is my only relief...
But I am afraid of not being there anymore. I think you only live once and should do the best you can to have a nice life. But I simply cant. I cant do anything to make my life less miserable. I simple cant... :cry:
and not only because I dont know what to do but also because I feel like I dont have the strength to do it.
I am really desperate and I dont know how long I can carry on this way.
Everything just feels like the worst nightmare I ever had... It will not end as long as I am alive...

 

[15dec]

Sorry to hear you're going through a hard time, I know exactly how you feel. Myself and the other members here are always willing to talk or give you advice or try to help you whether you decide to ctb or not. Sending hugs

 

[Letmego. Please]

Hey, you sound like you are going through a pretty bad depressive episode. What country are you in with regards to options for help?

 

[Othermind]

Sorry to hear you're going through this, but if it's any help I think everyone of us on this site knows what you're talking about and can sympathize with you on some level.
Just to get the obvious out of the way, since you didn't mention it, have you tried any kind of therapy before in your life? Is it realistically available where you live? It's not the silver bullet solution to everything society sells it to you as, but it works for some people and you might be one of them.

 

[Kill Bill]

123monday123
That's a crushing place to be, I really feel for you mate. I'm glad you posted this, I feel less alone.

 

[NotWorthLiving]

You seem like you're in a fairly hopeless place. If is was in a position to help you I would at the drop of a hat. But I don't know your background so I can't. Sorry.

If you want someone to talk to though, I'm just a message away.

Hugs

 

[123monday123]

Sorry to hear you're going through this, but if it's any help I think everyone of us on this site knows what you're talking about and can sympathize with you on some level.
Just to get the obvious out of the way, since you didn't mention it, have you tried any kind of therapy before in your life? Is it realistically available where you live? It's not the silver bullet solution to everything society sells it to you as, but it works for some people and you might be one of them.

My problems cant be fixed by therapy. There is really now way out besides killing myself. I would do whatever it takes to get out of this situation but there is nothing I really can do. I cant change what happened but I wish I could. Everybody hates me and thinks that I am disgusting. And I cant blame them for that because I hate myself, too. I cant even move away because everybody knows what happened or will know after some time. I cant even kill myself… Its a nightmare.

 

[JustAboutDone]

I am feeling awful right now. I dont know what to do... I am in a horrible situation and I dont know how to get out because no one is even thinking of helping me. I dont want to die but I dont know what else to do beside killing myself. I am thinking of suicide every single day since over a year. I simply want the pain to stop...
I am tired of living under this circumstances and I dont have the strength to carry on.
Everyday feels like a nightmare and I cant wake up... Its so awful. I never ever thought life could feel this bad.
There is nothing I really like to do besides thinking of how to kill myself. Sadly it is my only relief...
But I am afraid of not being there anymore.

I'm so sorry for how you're feeling :-( sending you a huge hug
I get the impression - and I could be totally wrong that you don't really want to kill yourself, you're just in a really desperate situation? If people are going to dislike you for something you've done and judge you for it then they are the ones who are awful not you. There may be a way round this you haven't been able to think of because you're too upset? X

 

[therhydler]

I am so sorry you are going through this. I feel exactly the same so I'm not the best person to give advice on how to feel better... thinking about death is my only relief also. But it you want someone to chat to and to vent you can always PM me

 

[TiredHorse]

I'm so sorry, 123monday123! I feel so similar to you --and am similarly at a loss for what to do. I hope you can hold onto the awareness that you don't want to die, and that maybe while you're clinging to that some new answer will appear. As @JustAboutDone says, there may be a way around this that just hasn't yet become apparent.