Desperate to Die

[Want2DieSooooBad]

Hey ya'll, I signed up 2 months ago, but this is my 1st post. I am absolutely desperate to die!!!!! My life is unimaginably horrific!!!!! I have a verbally abusive immediate family!!!!!! I have a horrible disability so I cannot move out and live on my own!!!!!!! My family also will not allow me to go with my boyfriend or get into a group home!!!!!!!!!! Everyone in my extended family hates me as well!!!!!!! I have lost almost all my friends because they are so sick of hearing about all my problems all the time!!!! I have seen multiple different therapists and they have all caused me more trauma and have told me I am "beyond help," which I 100% believe and that my problems are "way over their heads" and "above their paygrades"!!!!!!!!!! I have been hospitalized in behavioral health units 3 times only to face more trauma!!!!!!!!! I have been on multiple different mental health meds which just mess me upmore and then I have to taper off of them!!!!!!!! I have been involved with a very bad older man for years and I keep attempting to run away with him because that would be my only escape from my family since they won't allow me to go with my bf or get into a group home!!!!!! If I go with that man, i will just face more trauma and abuse!!!!!!! I am crying hysterically right now and can barely breathe!!!!! I just got severely verbally abused and scapegoated by my brother!!!!!!!!!!! Talked to like I am not even a human being!!!!! I am beyond desperate for a way out!!!!!!!! I have been suicidal since I was 11 and I am 24 now!!!!! I wish I would have just taken my life back then and I would have been spared 13 years of unimaginable unbearable agony, anguish, disparity, and suffering!!!!!!!!!!! I can't take anymore!!!!!! I truly can't!!!!!!!!!!! Suicide is truly the only way out!!!!!!!!! And in the comments, I don't want to be told that I am strong, resilient, or have perseverance because I am not!!!!! I am a very weak, helpless, and vulnerable person!!!!! When I am told that I am strong, resilient, or have perseverance, I get so upset that I make myself physically ill!!!! I also don't want no one to talk me out of suicide!!!!!!!!! I truly believe with everything in me that suicide is the only way out and that this life is worse than death!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[FuneralCry]

I also just wish to be gone, in my case I'd certainly always prefer to not exist than to suffer in this cruel, painful and torturous existence, I hope that you find what you search for, best wishes.