Desperate to Die

[Want2DieSooooBad]

Hey ya'll, I signed up 2 months ago, but this is my 1st post. I am absolutely desperate to die!!!!! My life is unimaginably horrific!!!!! I have a verbally abusive immediate family!!!!!! I have a horrible disability so I cannot move out and live on my own!!!!!!! My family also will not allow me to go with my boyfriend or get into a group home!!!!!!!!!! Everyone in my extended family hates me as well!!!!!!! I have lost almost all my friends because they are so sick of hearing about all my problems all the time!!!! I have seen multiple different therapists and they have all caused me more trauma and have told me I am "beyond help," which I 100% believe and that my problems are "way over their heads" and "above their paygrades"!!!!!!!!!! I have been hospitalized in behavioral health units 3 times only to face more trauma!!!!!!!!! I have been on multiple different mental health meds which just mess me upmore and then I have to taper off of them!!!!!!!! I have been involved with a very bad older man for years and I keep attempting to run away with him because that would be my only escape from my family since they won't allow me to go with my bf or get into a group home!!!!!! If I go with that man, i will just face more trauma and abuse!!!!!!! I am crying hysterically right now and can barely breathe!!!!! I just got severely verbally abused and scapegoated by my brother!!!!!!!!!!! Talked to like I am not even a human being!!!!! I am beyond desperate for a way out!!!!!!!! I have been suicidal since I was 11 and I am 24 now!!!!! I wish I would have just taken my life back then and I would have been spared 13 years of unimaginable unbearable agony, anguish, disparity, and suffering!!!!!!!!!!! I can't take anymore!!!!!! I truly can't!!!!!!!!!!! Suicide is truly the only way out!!!!!!!!! And in the comments, I don't want to be told that I am strong, resilient, or have perseverance because I am not!!!!! I am a very weak, helpless, and vulnerable person!!!!! When I am told that I am strong, resilient, or have perseverance, I get so upset that I make myself physically ill!!!! I also don't want no one to talk me out of suicide!!!!!!!!! I truly believe with everything in me that suicide is the only way out and that this life is worse than death!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[FuneralCry]

I also just wish to be gone, in my case I'd certainly always prefer to not exist than to suffer in this cruel, painful and torturous existence, I hope that you find what you search for, best wishes.

 

[QuartziteGlitter]

Your agony breaks my heart... It is clear that you think little of yourself, in no small part due to the abuse you've withstood.

We are here to help you, in any way we can. Here it is safe to seek that final deliverance, that eternal peace. And it is also safe to seek resources for recovery and a space for forging friendship and self-improvement.

Please, whatever it is you choose to do, may it bring you comfort and solace.

 

[looking4partner]

If there is any way your boyfriend could secretly help sign you up for a group home (with good reviews) & it's financially possible, I hope he would help you do it even if they get upset. Idk if adult protective services could help or hurt the situation. I also understand your suicidal feelings and wish I had killed myself years ago before I became this disabled when I was capable of accessing more reliable & peaceful method. It sounds like your life has been really extremely difficult with lots of hardships. I'm sorry you're having to go through all that. I wish this world was different and bad things didn't have to happen to good people who don't deserve it.

 

[Want2DieSooooBad]

If there is any way your boyfriend could secretly help sign you up for a group home (with good reviews) & it's financially possible, I hope he would help you do it even if they get upset. Idk if adult protective services could help or hurt the situation. I also understand your suicidal feelings and wish I had killed myself years ago before I became this disabled when I was capable of accessing more reliable & peaceful method. It sounds like your life has been really extremely difficult with lots of hardships. I'm sorry you're having to go through all that. I wish this world was different and bad things didn't have to happen to good people who don't deserve it.

I really don't think that would work either! My parents also have guardianship over me and in order for me to be able to get into a group home or go with my bf, they would have to voluntarily sign away their parental rights. I tried to get help from the YWCA and the police and they were no help and made the situation worse! I was hoping that the police would force my parents to sign away their parental rights to me so I could either go with my bf or get into a group home, but they didn't! The police even told me that if I do go with my bf against my parents' wishes, that he would he charged with "kidnapping" and he would be prosecuted even though I would be going with him voluntarily and he would be taking care of me and protecting me!