Dear all,
I apologize in advance : I will probably "flood" SS with many questions in the following days because I have an opening the next week but I'm not ready and my situation, in a way, is very peculiar.
I can't give specifics about my situation yet, but it's hellish and desperate. I'm on my own with very unfavorable odds. The clock is ticking for me : not because of a terminal illness, even though I consider what I got as chronic and in a way terminal health issues. But because, if I don't find a way out, I will be thrown, I will end where my troubles began, where the harm happened and I will become a vegetable with no more way to escape this internal hell... My issues are "invisible", so unknown and questioned by incompetent doctors constantly gaslighting me, that they will repeat the harm they did to me, to cure the very thing they did while doing so the first time. And sadly, I have no other solution, there will be no other fate for me once I won't be able to "live" anymore : I will be thrown there.
What am I asking for ?
1) Is there any chance to get SN in France right now ? If it's possible, please, please : reach out to me. If you have spare SN or you don't want to use it anymore or you want to share it, please reach out to me. SN will buy me time : since it doesn't need me to practice with charcoal, rope... as I live at my parents' now, I will be able to use it later.
BTW, I'm a grown adult, I live roughly in the Center-East of France and I have a car, money...
2) Has anybody information about the return, in the very near future, of N or SN sources in France or in Europe ? Or is it wishful thinking ?
3) I was considering jumping and full suspension. I haven't been able to buy anything yet for suspension and I have issues getting out but : I don't think I can beat my SI (I'm the most anxious person alive and spent my whole life self-preserving me from danger). And I read so many contradictory information about those methods, about their efficiency... so many threads from people wanting to CTB that way but who are still on SS 2 years later... that it dilute my fragile willpower. I'm anxious and not relaxed and will never be : sleeping pills, benzos... no longer work on me. I am desperate but my SI is gigantic.
4) I was considering charcoal/CO poisoning method : because it's more peaceful if done right, and I feel that I could control my SI better there. I haven't read so many contradictory advices there but the efficiency is still questioned (eventhough we have anecdotical evidences from here or from accidental deaths). I can buy a 10 000ppm meter but it will come too late since it will come from overseas. I have yet to buy chimney starters and all the remaining elements, and practice. As many here, I can't afford to fail : will it be wise to try the CO method without a meter ? There are only 1 000ppm available fastly in my country. If you have one to sell in France, reach out to me.
Please, don't hesitate to answer if you can help me...
Thanks.
I apologize in advance : I will probably "flood" SS with many questions in the following days because I have an opening the next week but I'm not ready and my situation, in a way, is very peculiar.
I can't give specifics about my situation yet, but it's hellish and desperate. I'm on my own with very unfavorable odds. The clock is ticking for me : not because of a terminal illness, even though I consider what I got as chronic and in a way terminal health issues. But because, if I don't find a way out, I will be thrown, I will end where my troubles began, where the harm happened and I will become a vegetable with no more way to escape this internal hell... My issues are "invisible", so unknown and questioned by incompetent doctors constantly gaslighting me, that they will repeat the harm they did to me, to cure the very thing they did while doing so the first time. And sadly, I have no other solution, there will be no other fate for me once I won't be able to "live" anymore : I will be thrown there.
What am I asking for ?
1) Is there any chance to get SN in France right now ? If it's possible, please, please : reach out to me. If you have spare SN or you don't want to use it anymore or you want to share it, please reach out to me. SN will buy me time : since it doesn't need me to practice with charcoal, rope... as I live at my parents' now, I will be able to use it later.
BTW, I'm a grown adult, I live roughly in the Center-East of France and I have a car, money...
2) Has anybody information about the return, in the very near future, of N or SN sources in France or in Europe ? Or is it wishful thinking ?
3) I was considering jumping and full suspension. I haven't been able to buy anything yet for suspension and I have issues getting out but : I don't think I can beat my SI (I'm the most anxious person alive and spent my whole life self-preserving me from danger). And I read so many contradictory information about those methods, about their efficiency... so many threads from people wanting to CTB that way but who are still on SS 2 years later... that it dilute my fragile willpower. I'm anxious and not relaxed and will never be : sleeping pills, benzos... no longer work on me. I am desperate but my SI is gigantic.
4) I was considering charcoal/CO poisoning method : because it's more peaceful if done right, and I feel that I could control my SI better there. I haven't read so many contradictory advices there but the efficiency is still questioned (eventhough we have anecdotical evidences from here or from accidental deaths). I can buy a 10 000ppm meter but it will come too late since it will come from overseas. I have yet to buy chimney starters and all the remaining elements, and practice. As many here, I can't afford to fail : will it be wise to try the CO method without a meter ? There are only 1 000ppm available fastly in my country. If you have one to sell in France, reach out to me.
Please, don't hesitate to answer if you can help me...
Thanks.
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