![wanttogetonthebus](/data/avatars/l/32/32765.jpg?1638955129)
wanttogetonthebus
chronically unlucky
- Nov 27, 2021
- 388
I was an independent and happy young female adult before. I had a few online friends I enjoyed spending time with. COVID completely took the "me" away from me. I was healthy and happy before it, but I now suffer from chronic 24/7 tinnitus and an inability to sleep properly. Everything I once enjoyed is now trash as the tinnitus blasts into my ears and I can't even escape it through sleep. It's driving me mad. Sometimes, I wonder if I was in a "relationship" with someone I already know who's wellbeing I care about, if that would be enough motivation to keep me living in this new Hell of a life for longer. If I had someone to take care of, to want to spend time with, to dedicate myself to and feel loved by, maybe this would make some difference. Or maybe it's a shot in the dark and wouldn't make any difference at all. Is it even worth a shot to even try asking my 'friends' about us dating? Would someone really date a suicidal person? Will this make me seem absolutely bat S crazy? I'm just trying to find a way to hang in there at least a little longer. I'm losing the motivation to even keep trying just to 'see if things will get better'. There is no cure for tinnitus. It's been a month and a half since COVID and my symptoms have only gotten worse at the least, not better. Once I truly decide to CTB, it won't matter anymore what anyone thinks of me. Any suggestions or thoughts?