Hey everyone, not been on here for a few weeks but don't feel any less suicidal none the less! I am lying awake crying in child's room cus I just keep thinking why can't this virus get me and kill me, I know that's selfish but I've been holding it all in for so long and I want to die anyway. I deserve to die, not people who would give anything to go out the house and live their lives to the fullest normally. I try to pretend I'm ok for my daughter and husband but truth is Ive not been ok for years now and it won't get better for me, I have no memory or skills anymore cus I had ECT and it fucked my life up! Sorry guys I just needed to talk. Please take care everyone
PhilosOfDoom
Experienced
- Nov 22, 2019
- 207
Can you talk to your husband? I know if my wife was on the brink of suicide in mental... sorrows I'd want to help her out, and try and help them through it calmly. No need to apologize, some people need to vent, or talk with other people, it's basic humanity to listen to one another. I'd be disappointed and hate myself for not detecting my wife's suffering. Not to sound prolife, just want you to get the support you deserve and people would happily give, especially given the aftermath. The effect of ECT must've effected your life greatly, and made it much harder to progress through. I am sorry for that. Good luck.
Thank you for such a kind response, at the moment I don't feel like I can talk to him with everything that is going off in the world I'm just trying to put on brave face for him and my daughter. I just wish I was normal again x
PhilosOfDoom
Experienced
- Nov 22, 2019
- 207
Only talk when you're comfortable. Very admirable to put your self aside for others, you're a good parent for your child. Know that if it ever gets to that point, people are there for you, by what you wrote. It's frustrating to feel... different and estranged from everyone else. However, you have people near you that will ignore and embrace that difference and be with you no matter what. If I could put advice out there, enjoy and have fun with your family, live in the moment, don't feel that you must make yourself miserable. I've made the mistake where I would intentionally avoid things that make myself happy, acted fine, and was unhealthily selfless. Good luck.
