Venting Depression Turning You Into An Asshole

[RedPanda]

As the title says, I've noticed myself getting angry and i'll stay angry for the duration of an entire day. I've noticed that I've distanced myself from people but even people who want to talk to me just annoy me and i really don't feel like talking to them at all. I don't answer any phone calls. I just...don't care about anyone or their feelings anymore. I feel like i'm morphing into a major douche bag. Nothing will change this. I think the reason why i'm also so angry is because i have to delay my suicide due to travel restrictions. I'm forced to stay alive for now and this angers me so i end up taking out my anger on everything around me. I hope it doesn't get worse, it might turn violent. Not sure. Trying to cope with anger right now but i'm enraged.

 

[Harleyyy]

I get angry at the smallest of things.
I am so irritable all the time. It's not even valid sometimes
I shout way too much when someone angers me
I hate being this way. But i am so frustrated of everything now.
Will end it soon enough
hugs to you my friend.

 

[Arrow]

that used to be me kinda but now i don;t really feel much of anything

 

[Green Destiny]

Yeah i'm pretty much in a pissed off mood all the time, think the pandemic and forcing to be around my family more often didn't help. I get mad and frustrated by almost anything and everything now, anger is pretty much my default emotion.

 

[Cosmiq]

I'm not an angry asshole to anyone that matters. But I have been an awful friend. I don't know why both my best friends haven't given up on me, I wish they did though because they deserve better.

I mostly just dissociate though, and it's like I'm not fully present most days. I'm awake 18 hours of the day but am only left with a few flashes that consist of me scrolling a few sites, and taking my dog for a walk.

 

[BridgeJumper]

I feel totally the same!
I used to be so empathetic, now I have literally no regard to the feelings of others.
I know its horrible but I couldnt even bring myself to sympathize with my grandpa when he was dying from cancer, I could only think about how giantly unfair it is that he will soon be dead and Im forced to live with this shit.
Since Ive acquired my debilitating physical illness Ive basically been treated like a giant drama queen and everytime someone doesnt believe how much Im suffering I get so nasty and sarcastic to the point of having homicidal thoughts.
Im almost never home because I cant bare to talk to my family about anything, cant bare to hear their stupid uneducated opinions,
Logged out completely from social media
Spend time doing nothing but drugs.

Fml.

 

[TAW122]

I had bouts of this too, and it has done more harm than good. Even the rational and logical side of me knows this. But of course, as all human beings, myself included (am not proud of it either), fall prey to our own primal instincts. It's not unheard of to become indignant towards a fucked up world and a world where nothing is guaranteed (except taxes and death - which all living things arrive at in some future point in time), no one is entitled to anything, and then worst of all, forced to stay alive against one's will just so the people around oneself doesn't feel grief and pain.

So in short, I can understand and feel your anger and relate to you similarly. I send you hugs nevertheless.

 

[willitpass]

i get short with people all the time, especially when they ask if i'm okay or interrupt me when i'm doing ctb research. i'm not longer a pleasant person to be with

 

[GoBack]

Yes absolutely. I hate it. I was naturally very loving and sociable, this is killing me that I can't be around people anymore without wanting to smash stuff and tear all my hair out

 

[Bardia]

One of the big reasons I left my job of 17 years was because of this. I was never actually an asshole, and I would never do anything to hurt or undermine my colleagues. But because I was grouchy sometimes and argumentative, I got labeled an asshole. Nothing I did, no matter how hard I tried, could free me from that label once I had it. And I did try. I worked hard, and I focused on alway being a nice, generous, supportive colleague. Suffice it to say, this did not work. Everything I did was seen through the lens of "this guy is an asshole."

After years of being snubbed, of seeing smaller merit raises than my colleagues, of being denied lucrative opportunities, I realized it was driving me to suicide, and that I literally could not survive continuing as the department asshole, even though I wasn't actually an asshole.

So I quit. It's taking time, but I do feel better.

 

[ugly_loser2008]

I know what you mean. before my wife left me i was spiralling into a depressed suicidal state and i became the ultimate asshole toward her. she told me she felt like she was walking on egg shells all the time expecting to find my dead body hanging in the garage when she came home. the emotional abuse i put her through was terrible. best thing she ever did was get away from my sorry ass.