makethepainstop
Visionary
- Sep 16, 2022
- 2,032
Depressed? Yes, but sometimes I do laugh. Perhaps I can give you a laugh too. Please note that I am aware that I am a messed up little boy! Let's take Xmas time pranks. Imagine taking a gift box lining it with plastic, then putting fresh dog droppings into the water proof box. Cover with tissue paper, then wrap the box in Xmas paper. Label the name tag to mom from your son. Next place in front seat of your car leaving the window down in a shopping mall. Imagine when the guy who stole gives it to his mom! She unwraps her gift and reaches in to grab a hand full of dog poop. I had also envisioned a scenario where a larger gift box could be used, this time filled with say 1000 flying cockroaches. Imagine when mamma whips the top off of her gift, and those suckers see light, they would be all over the place. Mamma would throw that box across the room, screaming. Although to my great vexation and annoyance, I cannot find a bio supply company , where I could purchase 1000 flying cockroaches from. Shame rodents would chew through the gift box too quick. A rat popping out of a present box, could liven up even the dullest of holiday celebrations! Especially with someone who is afraid of rats or mice. The screams would be so epic! Now I am sorry to say that I have been unable to devine a way to get a good sized living hornets nest into a small suitcase or a large brief case. Then cutting a corner off of a 100 dollar bill, sticking the cut corner into the crack when the lid closed, to create the feeling that it full of money. Next be sure to lock the suitcase or briefcase, so when they force the locks the hornets will get really angry. Again off to another shopping mall window open. Why you would, without any doubt know they had stolen it and forced it open by the screaming. If you could just find a way to get a hornets nest into a container. Most irritating. Now again I have been unable after studying the problem for decades, been able to perfect a method to anesthise a small tasteful bobcat, and them have him awaken fully once the big screen TV box he would be concealed in is opened. I mean you must admit this species of bobcat therapy would be helpful for those with chronic constipation. Why instant bowel and bladder emptying would occur. A modern medical miracle and it's green! Raaaaw goes the bobcat. If I lived where there were porch pirates, I'd give them a surprise. Imagine a luscious package left alone on the porch, but it would have a complement of 5 or 6 black snakes. The box should be labeled to herpetology studies 107 whatever state.... Why the porch pirates would be found with snake bites about the head, face, arms and hands. They possibly could experience spotting of their under shorts as well, unexpected snake encounters have been known to cause this in some people. We would know who did it, without doubt. For Halloween there is a novelty company that has fart candy. Eat a peace you'll fart for hours. Shame it is like 4 bucks for two pieces. They also have candy that tastes good, then tastes like fish. Ugh! Another item I have seen is a product called liquid ass, this makes old fashioned stink bombs take a back seat! Why a bottle of that could clear a shopping center in 15-20 minutes. Make shopping a pleasure again! Also works well clearing rioters and looters.
They used to make a portable air horn for use on boats. I cannot describe my joy and delight when I used one to awaken a most cranky and hard to wake aunt. I confess I was in trouble for that one as the poor soul soiled her panties. When I honked down with that thing she got out of that bed, like a rocket launch. At work we had a guy who was so predictable. I knew he would put his lunch in the company fridge first. So I bought a movie prop huge size cockroach, it was a couple of feet long. I hooked it front legs to the inside of the fridge door. When you opened the door it looked like the damn thing was comming at you. Then I waited and watched the clock. I must say he had a vocal range I thought was impossibly high for a male to achieve. But achieve it he did. Last I heard he was in therapy. One day took old roachie out and laid him on the main desk, upside down like he died. A man and woman came to turn around in our parking lot. She put her hand over her mouth and started yanking on his shirt sleeve, and pointing. Can you imagine her telling him I did see a giant roach. And him telling her they don't get that big. I smell an argument comming! Shame there is no way to relabel preparation H as crest toothpaste. Ugh, be glad it can't be done. Fake lottery tickets are fun too. Scratch them off, they all say you won! Then paper clip the winning lotto ticket to a computer printout of how many millions you gotta pay the IRS, and figures about your new mansion costs, new Mercedes costs. Then back to the shopping mall window down and file with ticket sticking out of it in front seat. The fights at lottery retailers are epic and assured. Gimme my money, but sir your lotto ticket isn't real. You trying to cheat me..... gimme my money. Normally I love animals, save for monkeys. Having been bit by one of soured my love of the critters. I have always felt one should get some very hot peppers,inject each small pepper with a badass chemical laxative. Then dip in delicious chocolate coat with crushed peanuts. Now these are the perfect num num for attacking monkeys. They would take a couple of bites and the ooking, eaking, and screeching would begin. To be followed by severe BMs! This is not a how to, this is a make you laugh to. I know, I've been told I need therapy. Love to you all.
They used to make a portable air horn for use on boats. I cannot describe my joy and delight when I used one to awaken a most cranky and hard to wake aunt. I confess I was in trouble for that one as the poor soul soiled her panties. When I honked down with that thing she got out of that bed, like a rocket launch. At work we had a guy who was so predictable. I knew he would put his lunch in the company fridge first. So I bought a movie prop huge size cockroach, it was a couple of feet long. I hooked it front legs to the inside of the fridge door. When you opened the door it looked like the damn thing was comming at you. Then I waited and watched the clock. I must say he had a vocal range I thought was impossibly high for a male to achieve. But achieve it he did. Last I heard he was in therapy. One day took old roachie out and laid him on the main desk, upside down like he died. A man and woman came to turn around in our parking lot. She put her hand over her mouth and started yanking on his shirt sleeve, and pointing. Can you imagine her telling him I did see a giant roach. And him telling her they don't get that big. I smell an argument comming! Shame there is no way to relabel preparation H as crest toothpaste. Ugh, be glad it can't be done. Fake lottery tickets are fun too. Scratch them off, they all say you won! Then paper clip the winning lotto ticket to a computer printout of how many millions you gotta pay the IRS, and figures about your new mansion costs, new Mercedes costs. Then back to the shopping mall window down and file with ticket sticking out of it in front seat. The fights at lottery retailers are epic and assured. Gimme my money, but sir your lotto ticket isn't real. You trying to cheat me..... gimme my money. Normally I love animals, save for monkeys. Having been bit by one of soured my love of the critters. I have always felt one should get some very hot peppers,inject each small pepper with a badass chemical laxative. Then dip in delicious chocolate coat with crushed peanuts. Now these are the perfect num num for attacking monkeys. They would take a couple of bites and the ooking, eaking, and screeching would begin. To be followed by severe BMs! This is not a how to, this is a make you laugh to. I know, I've been told I need therapy. Love to you all.
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