Story Depression is the new black

[sadpenguin]

Its always there, under my flesh... just beneath the surface. I feel it trying to get out at night - my body never rests. My eyes may close but my mind is just waking up. Nightmare has my daytime and dreams nonexistent. Each day I wake up to a new sun I feel heavier, and heavier...in darkness.

 

[FarAcrossTheWater]

The real scary thing is that this pain is very, very, very common. And not to mention, we're constantly reminded that there's worse - way worse. God why the fuck does everyone act like living is a moral obligation and suicide is a morally impermissible crime.

 

[booray]

Depression is the new normal for me. I've had episodes of depression throughout my life, but they always passed with time. Now, my depression is a constant thing. I've had it for three and a half years now, and have been suicidal for nearly two years. It's only getting worse, not better. Anti-depressants don't work for me. Now, my family is pushing me into undergoing electro-convulsive therapy. I know that this is going to be a total waste of time because I've already made up my mind to ctb. This is only going to make me exit sooner than I had planned.

 

[sadpenguin]

Depression is the new normal for me. I've had episodes of depression throughout my life, but they always passed with time. Now, my depression is a constant thing. I've had it for three and a half years now, and have been suicidal for nearly two years. It's only getting worse, not better. Anti-depressants don't work for me. Now, my family is pushing me into undergoing electro-convulsive therapy. I know that this is going to be a total waste of time because I've already made up my mind to ctb. This is only going to make me exit sooner than I had planned.

I totally feel this myself. You're not alone in that thinking as I've been depressed since I can remember, childhood at an early age. I have always longed for death. This is a great community for those that need an understanding ear, safe and helpful information, or even to find faith in humanity again. *hugs* @booray. That's some tough shit you're going through, I can't imagine. I hope you find some peace.
Also, know my dms are also open to you.

Much ❤

 

[Mentalmick]

Depression is the new normal for me. I've had episodes of depression throughout my life, but they always passed with time. Now, my depression is a constant thing. I've had it for three and a half years now, and have been suicidal for nearly two years. It's only getting worse, not better. Anti-depressants don't work for me. Now, my family is pushing me into undergoing electro-convulsive therapy. I know that this is going to be a total waste of time because I've already made up my mind to ctb. This is only going to make me exit sooner than I had planned.

I've been trying to get ect for years with no luck. My cpn said to me "who told you that would help?" Which wasn't ideal.

 

[LunarPyotr]

It's like being an cyborg and getting infected with some sort of virus..
Yesterday you felt perfectly fine but the next day you slowly begin to loose all your will to live.
Others say that "it's just a phase", "you'll be fine" and "you just make things up to get attention" but the reality is that it's not something that you "just made up".
It's just hard to continue the live the life like this, specially if you have to pretend like everything's fine but it isn't.
Even the hassle for me of ordering my Antidepressants from that online market, where I had to get invited first and then let some random guy help me find the right thing for me, is really annoying.
Luckily for me, I was good enough of hiding everything and my method of hiding things was really great so far. Maybe because I'm shy and a bit of an introvert.
I just don't want to be treated like someone who cannot live by it's own, I also don't want anyone to putting a fake façade around me, only because the way I am. The last thing I need, are some fake friends who are nice around me but too scared to be hones in fear of upsetting me or something.

 

[Mentalmick]

you just make things up to get attention"

I could actually see myself killing someone for saying that to me.

 

[booray]

I've been trying to get ect for years with no luck. My cpn said to me "who told you that would help?" Which wasn't ideal.

I'd gladly give you my spot because I highly doubt it will help me. Once the treatment is over, I'll still be dealing with the same set of circumstances that led to my depression in the first place.