Venting Depression has destroyed my life completely and I have no direction. Does anything actually gets better?

[Onasis]

I just joined this site because I really have no where else to go. I feel bad because there's so many people who have it worse than me in life, but they're mentally tougher than I am.

my mind is often scrambled so sorry if I'm all over the place.

I'm basically a stereotype loser now. Mid 20's. Still live with parents. Super easy job (only good thing I have), but low paying and is becoming life draining due to the unfulfilling nature from it. I have zero IRL friends as they all moved on with their lives and only talk to them through text messages, but then again I'm so socially awkward it's for the best because every time I socialize I realize it's a mistake it's it makes me hate people more.

I'm also a kissless virgin of course which I'm used to at this point and have accepted the fact that I do not deserve to have a partner because I am worthless on every level. Why would a girl want me? I have nothing to offer. She would deserve better.

I used to be in good shape as I was a college athlete, until I transferred colleges and the new coach came in and basically told me I was genetically inferior and with having multiple injuries in my past, it destroyed any hope I had going into sports.

Ever since the depression, I have gained over 70lbs due to alcohol and non stop bad food choices as I'm addicted to bad foods because eating Papa John's is the only thing I have to look forward to in life because it taste good to me. It's pathetic.

Since I'm an idiot I got a worthless degree that since I graduated, changed their requirements for most jobs to not even require a degree any more. Literally making my degree useless and still pays only $15 an hour. So I'm in poverty, living with parents with a shit degree and I have no aptitude to learn anything.

It's not like I didn't try, I failed basic level math in college. Literally the lowest level. I barely passed science courses.

I hate everything so much. I don't connect with people. I'm poor. My own parents have said they wish they had a son capable of doing more. My friends have moved on and low-key don't respect me. Have zero interest in anything. I'm bad at everything from maths to video games. Try worthless and in 30k of college debt with a useless degree. I feel like offing myself all the time. I'm not sure what to do anymore.

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry that you are in this situation. It is sad how so many people are trapped in miserable lives and I know that it can be awful living a life that you hate. I hope that in whatever happens, you find relief from your suffering.

 

[chloramine]

Pain is not a competition and yours matters and is valid. I know depression makes you miserable (understatement) and then shames you for it. Just as a heads up to start with that you don't need to justify how you feel and it doesn't make you weak.

I think it can get better, but that it's not guaranteed to. It takes a lot of effort to try which. Is hard when depression is sapping all your energy. It sounds like you don't have a support system which just makes it more brutal. I'm sorry you're such in that situation where everything sucks so much.

As for what to do, maybe try focusing in on meeting your basic needs? Based on what you've said I'd imagine you're in survival mode where the bear minimum is all you can manage- that's okay. Focus on trying to get enough food, water, sleep, positive interactions (hopefully this site can help with that one). Eating pizza is better than eating nothing so if that's what you can manage then it's still significantly better than nothing.

If you want to talk more in depth about any of this or any of what you're going through I'm up for that.

Nobody here knows what the right decision for you is going to be, but the vast majority will respect your right to choose.

 

[jitendrabagaria786@]

I just joined this site because I really have no where else to go. I feel bad because there's so many people who have it worse than me in life, but they're mentally tougher than I am.

my mind is often scrambled so sorry if I'm all over the place.

I'm basically a stereotype loser now. Mid 20's. Still live with parents. Super easy job (only good thing I have), but low paying and is becoming life draining due to the unfulfilling nature from it. I have zero IRL friends as they all moved on with their lives and only talk to them through text messages, but then again I'm so socially awkward it's for the best because every time I socialize I realize it's a mistake it's it makes me hate people more.

I'm also a kissless virgin of course which I'm used to at this point and have accepted the fact that I do not deserve to have a partner because I am worthless on every level. Why would a girl want me? I have nothing to offer. She would deserve better.

I used to be in good shape as I was a college athlete, until I transferred colleges and the new coach came in and basically told me I was genetically inferior and with having multiple injuries in my past, it destroyed any hope I had going into sports.

Ever since the depression, I have gained over 70lbs due to alcohol and non stop bad food choices as I'm addicted to bad foods because eating Papa John's is the only thing I have to look forward to in life because it taste good to me. It's pathetic.

Since I'm an idiot I got a worthless degree that since I graduated, changed their requirements for most jobs to not even require a degree any more. Literally making my degree useless and still pays only $15 an hour. So I'm in poverty, living with parents with a shit degree and I have no aptitude to learn anything.

It's not like I didn't try, I failed basic level math in college. Literally the lowest level. I barely passed science courses.

I hate everything so much. I don't connect with people. I'm poor. My own parents have said they wish they had a son capable of doing more. My friends have moved on and low-key don't respect me. Have zero interest in anything. I'm bad at everything from maths to video games. Try worthless and in 30k of college debt with a useless degree. I feel like offing myself all the time. I'm not sure what to do anymore.

Basically me.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I've been depressed for 25 years, mid-fifties now, and nothing has gotten better for me. I'm not saying it can't get better for you. It just hasn't for me. You're still young, so there's hope. Unfortunately, or fortunately, depending on how one looks at it, I'm reaching the end of my saga in all of this.

 

[Trezzohno]

I can relate to doing the useless degree part. I also studied at uni a course that has become irrelevant and can barely find a job leaving me stuck with my parent

 

[veryhappyhuman]

I relate a lot to your situation -- also KV, NEET, living with parents, nothing to offer, and in late THIRTIES etc etc. It would seem that some of us are simply not geared for a normal life.

You're still young-ish, and if going back to school isn't a possibility given you're not academically inclined, is there a possibility of acquiring technical skills? Like plumbing, electrical work etc? IDK if you have interest in any of that but it'd help you work your own hours and I believe pay is better, assuming you're in the West. Some people also self-teach computer programming these days and work freelance/consulting, which also has the same benefits.

Of course, feel free to ignore my post if you've already thought about / tried these.

 

[outrider567]

Not for me--Although I'm sleeping normally now for the first time in 6 months, within seconds of waking up I become instantly depressed again, because she's still gone to another world