Discussion depression and socialising (does it has an impact on you in any way?)

[_Minsk]

if you are truly stuck into that depression hole, do you feel like you can still socialise
without feeling like becoming 'a burden' or dragging down others, like just by your presence?

im asking bcuz its getting really hard for me, staying in touch with friends lately,
i think im better of setting an actual ctb date so i no longer have to deal with this,
in case this is all depression related.. what has been your experience?
i hope it makes any sense what i ve written, cant sleep..

 

[biboty]

I try to socialize, but I am so impotent that I cannot carry on a conversation. My "friends" talk to me out of pity, my social life is a lie.

 

[Yomyom]

In the past when I study and worked with people that really got me depressed, I felt so alone while everyone except me was so cool and with a lot of friendships.

Now around 8 months with out a job, sitting in my home all day, I learned to accept loneliness, it's kind of fun actually.
When my family went out for work or study, I stayed home hearing loud music, making myself a huge meal, and play the game I want and watch tons of comedy

Of course now with the virus the all family in the house and I don't have a second to myself


My point- I think loneliness sometimes is a very good thing

 

[Oyoy]

It's hard for me to bring any good vibes. I act pathetic and sensitive. I basically am a wet sock.

 

[_Minsk]

do many people struggle with depression nowadays or was it back in the days the same?

 

[Deleted member 14573]

I'm a social butterfly in real life, but since my mental health took a big dive this year I have been isolating myself more and more. Initially, my friends were basically dragging me out of the house to go to various events (which I appreciate them caring for me). The pandemic was a good excuse to be by myself.

We have lots of plans for when this lockdown is over, and I'm not sure how I will seem to them or if I will even go. I feel terrible for being this way.

I'm an extrovert too and the isolation feels terrible but at the same time I just don't have the energy to be happy and fun when this pain is eating me up.

 

[Oyoy]

do many people struggle with depression nowadays or was it back in the days the same?

It was a domino effect. I used to be happy.

 

[faust]

I see no reasons in socializing. Why should I pretend that everything is alright although it is not? Socializing will show no difference in my well-being and I will have to hide all my problems. People are not in a big favor of severely depressed people. Merely because they may open their eyes and show that they are merely living a lie. We see things which normal people don't. Let's leave them alone, if they find a blissful ignorance the only way out, let it be their own choice.

 

[Worthless_nobody]

I definitely struggle to be social in the depths of depression. Everyone says I'm "to negative, downer, cynical" and I don't even realize I do it. I feel so bad because I have one friend left who still tries to contact me despite my long periods of silence. I seem to just shut down completely and I think that's very common for many depressed people. I have lost many friends because they couldn't handle my extreme anti-socialness when I was grieving and depressed.

do many people struggle with depression nowadays or was it back in the days the same?

I struggled as a teen with severe depression then I was reasonably happy from 18-22 due to better circumstances. The rest of my 20s have gotten worse and worse and now I'm fully broken.

 

[Blutsager]

Yes, it does.
it does have an impact.
Is it a good one tho? well that depends on who you socialize with. This people, they are gonna be inputs in your system... and it will depend if they are positive or not. But should they be positive... then you will have positive results.

 

[WhatIsMyLife]

I put on an act. No one except an old girlfriend of mine knows I have depression. I do it so I can avoid being a burden on any people I may socialize me. I know if they know I have depression they'll just be walking on eggshells around me.

 

[Weightoftheworld]

I am the life of the party when in the presence of others, I've always been one to make people laugh. I keep myself isolated though, I don't have any close friends and spend most of my time alone outside of work, I prefer it that way.

 

[Gizamaluke]

I have effectively cut off almost everyone in my life except for my immediate family, even then I won't talk to them except my mother.
Not socializing does make me feel a lot worse (but I am also pretty bad at socializing in the first place so it doesn't change much), but at this point I have gave up on everything so I don't see a real point for talking to them.

 

[Ardesevent]

It's practically taken my social life. Before I was just introverted, but now I'm too scared and paranoid to talk to anyone by myself, and if someone reaches out to me they usually end up ghosting me after awhile.

 

[a.n.kirillov]

I fit the description of atypical (chronic) depression or disthymia, so for the last five years of my life, it became harder and I isolated often, I often disappointed friends, but I could still go somewhere and enjoy it, and even get into a very good mood.

But nowadays, no... A pessimistic outlook on life and a certain defeatism, living like an old person while everybody else is chasing their (pipe) dreams and living the high-life,– you will alienate people. My discussions with people always steer towards death and heavy topics, which is a more recent phenomenon, but I can't help it. And people don't want to talk about this stuff, they get uncomfortable, they dodge it everytime; my friend recently told me that he is getting irritated by my preoccupation with death. I told him that it's a reality for all of us, and that it seems to me to be the most important fact about human existence. He straight up said that he has forced himself at one point to not ask himself these (philosophical, existential) questions anymore, and he does not see the point, and the more I probed, the angrier he got.

But they have to live, you know, and to live means not thinking about such things. And to survive in the world you have to constantly rationalize and justify it. You can not be an effective agent in the world and at the same time say it is unjustifiably cruel and think about death all day. That is okay, life is for the living. Everybody will come around someday and be forced to get to grips with these existential facts; usually it's a rebellioua teenage phase, and then people just resign themselves, mold into their social roles and adapt, because that's what you have to do to survive.

 

[Letmego. Please]

At the moment I've got to the point where I cannot even pretend, I've let most of the people I know wander off as I think that is better for them.
But to try to socialise, I wouldn't stand a chance, everything in my brain & body has slowed to a crawl, just answering a simple question is stupidly difficult & takes so much time & effort that the person thinks I'm not going to answer & moves on to something else, at which point I give up & stop talking at all.

Ahh the joys of depression..

 

[RayoSinSol]

I try to socialize, but I am so impotent that I cannot carry on a conversation. My "friends" talk to me out of pity, my social life is a lie.

Same

 

[esben350]

It's better not to socialzie when you're depressed anyway, you'll bring people down with you .That's why depressed people stay isolated

 

[a.n.kirillov]

Exactly. It's a paradox. People tell you that in order to improve your depression you just need to get out and talk to people, but the reality is that normal, happy people prefer not to be around depressed people.

No matter how you try to hide depression, all your attempts are just masking a real biochemical process, and when people sense you're masking, it's a turn-off to them.

It just hurts even more when someone labels you because of it, the way certain spiritual people refer to people as "energy vampires," because at that point you are condemned as a whole person, and there's really nothing you are expected do from that point on but try to play their positivity game well enough to not be too noticeable in their own little reality simulation, or leave.

So I isolate. I'd rather deal with the self-harassment I get for feeling like an isolated loser, when I'm depressed, than the normalized harassment I get for struggling with depression and being in the presence of people who see my entire presence as a threat to their wellbeing.

I'm sure there's a way out, but I've already dug my own hole too deep.

I don't agree that people get turned off when they sense you're masking it. I think masking it is the thing that is expected of you and if everybody else. Ever heard somebody say "I can't complain"? That's the truth, you cannot complain—if you complain you will be ostracized.

But aside from that, yes, I agree. A good short story exploring this theme is "The death of Ivan Illytch" by Tolstoi or Kafkas The Transformation (or metamorphosis).

 

[RayoSinSol]

Yeah, I guess I meant "sense it" in the context of them seeing the mask fall, if only temporarily, and from that point potentially treating you different, because they now sense that you are depressed underneath the mask.

 

[porfin1234]

I haven't wanted to see any of my friends because of the situation I've put myself in. I feel like I don't belong because I'll be jobless and have been so self destructive and my friends are pretty well put together good people compared to me. I have always felt out of place but even more so now. Like i don't belong in a room full of good people that are living healthy good lives and are decent human beings. I just want to hide from everyone even though I've always loved people. I'm just bad with them.