Have any of you guys been watching reality TV?
I've gotten into TV recently and am doing a Love Island marathon right now. I feel really upset while watching the show.
I know, it's stupid to care so much about reality TV, since so much of the stuff on it is fake anyway. But I feel a sense of deep shame underneath when I see other people around my age on a tropical island going on dates and being incredible people and living life to the fullest.
Imagine being a 6'7 attractive guy who's also an accountant with charisma. Imagine being a gorgeous foreign woman with a difficult degree and endless attention from all the men around. Imagine being all those things in your mid twenties, at that. Some of them are even 21! Amazing!
In the middle of me daydreaming of being like one of them, I just keep wondering what that would be like and imagining what their life problems might be like, if they could possibly be as lame as me, but I know they aren't. I've accomplished nothing at my age and I'm very unattractive and odd. It is genuinely exhausting for me to care for myself, and I don't mean that in a "I refuse to shower" way (I hate germs), it's because I have so many skin issues or bodily issues that have developed throughout my life My hair is infuriatingly terrible and has never improved with any treatment. I have discoloration and have developed rashes I can't get rid of before no matter what I do to help them. Don't get me started on my face and body.
I look at these people in my shows and get sad I have to return to an isolated world without friends, with no one to talk with about the show, and just have pathetic admiration for these random strangers that seem to have everything I never will.
I prob sound like an incel and I really don't want to sound like that, this isn't anger or meant to be aggressive to anyone, and I don't prioritize having a partner. I'm moping that I don't have what they have, and I really don't think anything will make me feel better about being who I am in comparison to them. Because the reality is, it isn't okay to me that I can't live like one of them. I want easy connection, I want to be effortlessly attractive, I want charisma and a cool family and a nice job and good mental health and the whole nine yards. Not a chronically online sack of shit weirdo with a sad life who is met with silence every day and eats cereal for dinner.
Imagine turning heads and being accomplished and having that just be your reality. Not a daydream, but just waking up to a lover and admirers and success and an incredible appearance. Imagine someone wanting to serve food to you just for being good looking and likable. Imagine just dabbing on some makeup or giving yourself a small trim to the beard and dressing up a bit and looking like you're cut from marble. Loneliness makes me forget that some people genuinely just live like that… and for the rest of their life they'll live like that, maybe. And better yet, I won't ever live even close to that. I'll likely just be a janitor somewhere and either CTB or rot in silence.
Makes my stomach turn a bit.
I don't think I like my life being this pointless and unfulfilling and not being able to be entirely different like the people on TV. I will never be anything, and it's difficult coming to terms with it, but it's my reality and I'm accepting it. People say you can be anything you want in life but I don't think that's true at all. I can only be so much, and the most that I am is nothing.
If you read through this ramble, feel free to comment a show you like or tell who you liked the most this season. :D
I've gotten into TV recently and am doing a Love Island marathon right now. I feel really upset while watching the show.
I know, it's stupid to care so much about reality TV, since so much of the stuff on it is fake anyway. But I feel a sense of deep shame underneath when I see other people around my age on a tropical island going on dates and being incredible people and living life to the fullest.
Imagine being a 6'7 attractive guy who's also an accountant with charisma. Imagine being a gorgeous foreign woman with a difficult degree and endless attention from all the men around. Imagine being all those things in your mid twenties, at that. Some of them are even 21! Amazing!
In the middle of me daydreaming of being like one of them, I just keep wondering what that would be like and imagining what their life problems might be like, if they could possibly be as lame as me, but I know they aren't. I've accomplished nothing at my age and I'm very unattractive and odd. It is genuinely exhausting for me to care for myself, and I don't mean that in a "I refuse to shower" way (I hate germs), it's because I have so many skin issues or bodily issues that have developed throughout my life My hair is infuriatingly terrible and has never improved with any treatment. I have discoloration and have developed rashes I can't get rid of before no matter what I do to help them. Don't get me started on my face and body.
I look at these people in my shows and get sad I have to return to an isolated world without friends, with no one to talk with about the show, and just have pathetic admiration for these random strangers that seem to have everything I never will.
I prob sound like an incel and I really don't want to sound like that, this isn't anger or meant to be aggressive to anyone, and I don't prioritize having a partner. I'm moping that I don't have what they have, and I really don't think anything will make me feel better about being who I am in comparison to them. Because the reality is, it isn't okay to me that I can't live like one of them. I want easy connection, I want to be effortlessly attractive, I want charisma and a cool family and a nice job and good mental health and the whole nine yards. Not a chronically online sack of shit weirdo with a sad life who is met with silence every day and eats cereal for dinner.
Imagine turning heads and being accomplished and having that just be your reality. Not a daydream, but just waking up to a lover and admirers and success and an incredible appearance. Imagine someone wanting to serve food to you just for being good looking and likable. Imagine just dabbing on some makeup or giving yourself a small trim to the beard and dressing up a bit and looking like you're cut from marble. Loneliness makes me forget that some people genuinely just live like that… and for the rest of their life they'll live like that, maybe. And better yet, I won't ever live even close to that. I'll likely just be a janitor somewhere and either CTB or rot in silence.
Makes my stomach turn a bit.
I don't think I like my life being this pointless and unfulfilling and not being able to be entirely different like the people on TV. I will never be anything, and it's difficult coming to terms with it, but it's my reality and I'm accepting it. People say you can be anything you want in life but I don't think that's true at all. I can only be so much, and the most that I am is nothing.
If you read through this ramble, feel free to comment a show you like or tell who you liked the most this season. :D
