Venting Depressed to the point that trying to comfort others during hard times is aggravating or tiring

[sourcreamonion]

I feel so horrible when a friend comes to me with their problems and my first reaction is annoyance or exhaustion, I mean, I'm happy they trust me to talk about their problems and personal stuff, but it's the comforting part that's hard for me to resonate with.

I don't know what to say or I can't put the energy in because I've had these conversations numerous of times that it feels boring and redundant. Again, this makes me feel so horrible and grossed out with myself, I always make sure to listen to them about their problems, but mentally it's challenging for me.

 

[RedDEE]

Dang, how many friends do you have coming to you for comfort? You must be one comforting dude if you have a bunch of people all the time coming to you with their problems. Sounds to me like you're offering free psychologist sessions to your friends. Maybe you should start charging them $40 an hour?

 

[sourcreamonion]

Dang, how many friends do you have coming to you for comfort? You must be one comforting dude if you have a bunch of people all the time coming to you with their problems. Sounds to me like you're offering free psychologist sessions to your friends. Maybe you should start charging them $40 an hour?

I don't have a lot of friends, I wish I did, but a lot of my close friends consistently talk to me about their problems, which is great, it's only slightly troubling when they get mad when I don't reply a certain way so I have to drop everything and pull up a list of "encouraging phrases".

 

[glittergore]

I've had to have a serious talk with friends before over this issue. There's only so much one person can handle, particularly when they're dealing with their own mental health issues, and there are also boundaries that need to be respected. In the future, it may behoove you to be like, "Hey, I really want to support you, but I'm not emotionally equipped to handle this right now." If they're good friends, they'll understand. You're not a bad person or friend for feeling like this, you've just also got a lot on your plate. Emotional fatigue is real.

 

[RedDEE]

I don't have a lot of friends, I wish I did, but a lot of my close friends consistently talk to me about their problems, which is great, it's only slightly troubling when they get mad when I don't reply a certain way so I have to drop everything and pull up a list of "encouraging phrases".

Yeah - that kind of conversation is always bullshit. 9/10 times, friends are just wanting you to tell them what they want to hear. They don't want real advice, they just want self-confirmation, and want you to feed their ego. They just want you to jerk off their ego.

 

[sourcreamonion]

I've had to have a serious talk with friends before over this issue. There's only so much one person can handle, particularly when they're dealing with their own mental health issues, and there are also boundaries that need to be respected. In the future, it may behoove you to be like, "Hey, I really want to support you, but I'm not emotionally equipped to handle this right now." If they're good friends, they'll understand. You're not a bad person or friend for feeling like this, you've just also got a lot on your plate. Emotional fatigue is real.

Thank you! I think this is the best way to word it. I do try my best if I'm going through something, but sometimes it's hard because people see that emotional fatigue as a wall, and then choose to not share a lot with you. I'm always happy to talk to people, but I have to be mentally prepared :(