Depressed and preparing more for ctb

[Rue89]

These past couple days I've been feeling depressed. The anxiety is still there, but it's dulled. I kind of hope this continues. I think it would make ctb easier. Today I bought a nicer flashlight for the morning I ctb, since I'll be doing it early when it's still dark out. Tomorrow I'm going to try to do a full practice run. I think I'm ready. I hope I am; I really need to.

 

[BitterlyAlive]

I know how you feel. I hope my suffering gets even worse to push me to take action again. Wishing you peace, my friend.

 

[Remember_Me]

These past couple days I've been feeling depressed. The anxiety is still there, but it's dulled. I kind of hope this continues. I think it would make ctb easier. Today I bought a nicer flashlight for the morning I ctb, since I'll be doing it early when it's still dark out. Tomorrow I'm going to try to do a full practice run. I think I'm ready. I hope I am; I really need to.

What are your plans?

I know how you feel. I hope my suffering gets even worse to push me to take action again. Wishing you peace, my friend.

I don't need my suffering to get worse, I just need alcohol to give me that push. A few days of drinking will allow me to release and once again realise the rawness of how I feel, and then it'll be time.

 

[nitroautnz]

These past couple days I've been feeling depressed. The anxiety is still there, but it's dulled. I kind of hope this continues. I think it would make ctb easier. Today I bought a nicer flashlight for the morning I ctb, since I'll be doing it early when it's still dark out. Tomorrow I'm going to try to do a full practice run. I think I'm ready. I hope I am; I really need to.

I'm in the same boat, so I hope for you that you will find the strength to go through it

 

[checkouttime]

These past couple days I've been feeling depressed. The anxiety is still there, but it's dulled. I kind of hope this continues. I think it would make ctb easier. Today I bought a nicer flashlight for the morning I ctb, since I'll be doing it early when it's still dark out. Tomorrow I'm going to try to do a full practice run. I think I'm ready. I hope I am; I really need to.

X2 iv'e been having a bad few days myself. It's not nice, i feel for you

 

[FarAcrossTheWater]

These past couple days I've been feeling depressed. The anxiety is still there, but it's dulled. I kind of hope this continues. I think it would make ctb easier. Today I bought a nicer flashlight for the morning I ctb, since I'll be doing it early when it's still dark out. Tomorrow I'm going to try to do a full practice run. I think I'm ready. I hope I am; I really need to.

This world is brutal. I'm sorry you couldn't find peace in it. I hope you find peace in your own way.

 

[Rue89]

What are your plans?

SN around 5am outside behind a park. I just have to find the right day that'll work and maybe practice before by going to my spot at the time I would on the day, kind of going through the motions to get more acclimated and comfortable with it.

 

[Rue89]

I didn't go out early to practice as I'd planned. I decided to sleep in. Instead I practiced my set-up on my bedroom floor (I'll be on grass at my ctb place). I'll be using a sleeping bag, open like a blanket, my cups of SN next to me on my food scale for a flat surface, and a flashlight propped up by my SN so that I can see it properly.

 

[Ghost2211]

I'm sorry to hear you've been more sad lately. I'm also they type to practice or go through the motions to mentally prepare, it's comforting.

 

[Gratefulcorpse]

I'm currently saving up my Benzos for a drug overdose. This is the only thing that gives my days purpose, preparing to CTB. My parents control how many pills I get per day so I have to save them slowly everyday. It's a slow process but it's worth it, if I don't die I'll still get somewhat high off my pills.

 

[Rue89]

I don't think I'm going to be able to do a full practice run early morning at the time I would ctb. I've been having trouble getting out of bed in the morning. When I wake up I either have high anxiety that makes getting up and doing anything seem impossible, or I just feel like I don't have the willpower to do anything and all I want to do is sleep. I know that might sound stupid, like I should just force myself to get up, but I don't think I'm exactly explaining it right, and it's easier said than done. I think I'll set my alarm early everyday and the day that I can "function properly" when I wake up will be the day I ctb.

 

[BitterlyAlive]

I don't think I'm going to be able to do a full practice run early morning at the time I would ctb. I've been having trouble getting out of bed in the morning. When I wake up I either have high anxiety that makes getting up and doing anything seem impossible, or I just feel like I don't have the willpower to do anything and all I want to do is sleep. I know that might sound stupid, like I should just force myself to get up, but I don't think I'm exactly explaining it right, and it's easier said than done. I think I'll set my alarm early everyday and the day that I can "function properly" when I wake up will be the day I ctb.

It doesn't sound stupid at all. When it's that difficult to get out of bed, you really can't just make yourself get up. It's a slow and painful process. I'm sorry things are so difficult, mate. Sending hugs.

 

[checkouttime]

I don't think I'm going to be able to do a full practice run early morning at the time I would ctb. I've been having trouble getting out of bed in the morning. When I wake up I either have high anxiety that makes getting up and doing anything seem impossible, or I just feel like I don't have the willpower to do anything and all I want to do is sleep. I know that might sound stupid, like I should just force myself to get up, but I don't think I'm exactly explaining it right, and it's easier said than done. I think I'll set my alarm early everyday and the day that I can "function properly" when I wake up will be the day I ctb.

I can totally relate to what you are saying. I suffered EXACTLY the same not long ago, i couldn't get my arse out of bed. people just think oh you should just get up and do something, it aint that easy. I was going out to buy drugs though, i could be arsed doing that. nothing else though!

 

[muffin222]

I'm sorry you're having such a difficult time and that life has brought you to this point of wanting out :( As long as you're sure of your decision, I wish you nothing but peace, and I hope things turn out how you want them to