Venting Deleting history and nerves

[BleedingHeart]

This is not to be snide at all I am just curious- how in the world do people manage to be in the middle of CTBing and communicating here as they are going through it AND still find the calm and wherewithal to delete all traces of this site before they pass out, etc?!
I barely know how to delete my own browser history, let alone do a factory reset while in the throes of CTBing. (Can't they still just find the info in the iCloud if they were investigating after my death anyway if they really wanted to?!) I don't even know how the cloud works lol. I'm not a tech savvy person on a good day.
I fear someone finding out I was on this site and messing things up for others or getting into trouble for saying things here if I survive. Ugh! How do folks manage to keep their wits about them through all of this and how do you stop caring about the risks involved in so many different aspects of this?! I admire the courage. I feel like I panic about every scenario as each piece falls into place. I don't want to over complicate or worry so much but it seems impossible. Sorry, I'm definitely not trying to fear monger, I just don't know how people do it when many of us already deal with mental health and anxiety issues. Any suggestions on anything I mentioned? Is there a way to delete history without factory resetting? That way my family can have the pics from my phone if they wanted to? Sorry for the ramble.

 

[charlie_z]

I don't think you're rambling at all. I share many of the same fears and concerns you mention. I'm not a tech savvy person, either, and I doubt seriously I will be able to carry out a system's purge and resetting while finally transitioning. I wish there was something I could tell you that would help. You sound like a good, decent person, and I wish, as I still do for myself (at times at least), that you could come to experience less pain. My thoughts are with you.

 

[blueming]

If you want to save the pics on your phone, you can transfer them to somewhere your family can access? Maybe an email or something. I plan to transfer my pictures and important documents I want to keep to a USB flash drive, so my family can have those and I can still clean up my devices.

It's normal to have these fears and worries! I hope everything goes well for you ^^

 

[BleedingHeart]

I don't think you're rambling at all. I share many of the same fears and concerns you mention. I'm not a tech savvy person, either, and I doubt seriously I will be able to carry out a system's purge and resetting while finally transitioning. I wish there was something I could tell you that would help. You sound like a good, decent person, and I wish, as I still do for myself (at times at least), that you could come to experience less pain. My thoughts are with you.

I probably don't deserve the kindness honestly, but I appreciate your caring thoughts. I wish the same for you.
if we don't purge the info though won't it inevitably be found and people here could get into trouble? I assume there are folks though that haven't reset their info but I just wonder how much trouble people could get into and if it would harm the site. Idk what I'll be able to do when the time comes...

If you want to save the pics on your phone, you can transfer them to somewhere your family can access? Maybe an email or something. I plan to transfer my pictures and important documents I want to keep to a USB flash drive, so my family can have those and I can still clean up my devices.

It's normal to have these fears and worries! I hope everything goes well for you ^^

Thank you, same to you. I'm not close to CTB yet though, still in process of getting my supplies. I just have these worries about details and the trouble that could come if I forget something and survive. Like if you survive and if cops ask you where you got the info to CTB would you just deny deny deny even if arrested? Ugh. So nerve wracking. I just want things to go smoothly but I am not great under pressure. Hopefully I won't have to worry about those things.

 

[drake4871]

I put a bit of info on this previously "https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/providing-info-on-erasing-computer-data.23594/"

To be quite honest, I doubt they care that much once you're dead. They could go running around looking for clues but that takes time and effort for a chase that may not even get results. If you're not using a VPN your internet provider has info on every website you've visited anyways

 

[BleedingHeart]

I put a bit of info on this previously "https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/providing-info-on-erasing-computer-data.23594/"

To be quite honest, I doubt they care that much once you're dead. They could go running around looking for clues but that takes time and effort for a chase that may not even get results. If you're not using a VPN your internet provider has info on every website you've visited anyways

I'm also concerned about if I were to survive and they try to hound me.
Well, shit. I'm not using anything (vpn) and I guess I knew that somehow internet providers know websites I visit. Maybe this is a stupid question but is there any way my husband can easily lookup/find out info from our internet provider before I CTB if he has suspicions? If so it wouldn't be good.

 

[WhiteDespair]

I'm also concerned about if I were to survive and they try to hound me.
Well, shit. I'm not using anything (vpn) and I guess I knew that somehow internet providers know websites I visit. Maybe this is a stupid question but is there any way my husband can easily lookup/find out info from our internet provider before I CTB if he has suspicions? If so it wouldn't be good.

Maybe. I'd say it's possible with the right story or legal processes. I don't know what they are and what the ISP can divulge and when.

If you have any specific questions, let me know. I am pretty good at this sort of thing.

I can also try to find the post I made about locking accounts. It's located in the Recovery or OffTopic boards under a title of "proton".

I just took an Ambien so I'll be out soon.

 

[BleedingHeart]

Maybe. I'd say it's possible with the right story or legal processes. I don't know what they are and what the ISP can divulge and when.

If you have any specific questions, let me know. I am pretty good at this sort of thing.

I can also try to find the post I made about locking accounts. It's located in the Recovery or OffTopic boards under a title of "proton".

I just took an Ambien so I'll be out soon.

Very kind of you, thanks. For now it seems I don't need to worry about that because i was clearing some history from my computer before I visit family tomorrow (concerned he would search my computer). Turns out because I changed my gmail passwords the other day to keep him out, I didn't write them down and freaking forgot them myself and locked myself out of both my gmail accounts so I'm now dealing with that first and foremost. I will likely need husbands help to se IF those can be recovered (not to mention I realized eBay will email me shipping of my meto to that account! If he sees that if we can log in, I'm screwed.) omg sigh... so for now I can't even worry about my search history... omg someone save me lol I'm getting so stressed

Maybe. I'd say it's possible with the right story or legal processes. I don't know what they are and what the ISP can divulge and when.

If you have any specific questions, let me know. I am pretty good at this sort of thing.

I can also try to find the post I made about locking accounts. It's located in the Recovery or OffTopic boards under a title of "proton".

I just took an Ambien so I'll be out soon.

Sleep well

 

[drake4871]

Very kind of you, thanks. For now it seems I don't need to worry about that because i was clearing some history from my computer before I visit family tomorrow (concerned he would search my computer). Turns out because I changed my gmail passwords the other day to keep him out, I didn't write them down and freaking forgot them myself and locked myself out of both my gmail accounts so I'm now dealing with that first and foremost. I will likely need husbands help to se IF those can be recovered (not to mention I realized eBay will email me shipping of my meto to that account! If he sees that if we can log in, I'm screwed.) omg sigh... so for now I can't even worry about my search history... omg someone save me lol I'm getting so stressed

Sleep well

Have you tried going through the forgot password procedure through gmail? It might ask for a security password or phone number to confirm

 

[BleedingHeart]

Have you tried going through the forgot password procedure through gmail? It might ask for a security password or phone number to confirm

Yes and because I had recently changed both account passwords (each gmail being the other gmails recovery account- both are my accounts)- and have forgotten what I changed my passwords to a few days ago, now they are BOTH locked and I'm freaking the hell out.

 

[drake4871]

I honestly doubt this is their first time hearing something along those lines, I'd call them or email them for assistance and give them info on what happened if I were you. That being said isn't there a "I don't have access to the recovery email" button?

 

[Amz_Falls]

Before I jumped I bought a hard drive and transferred everything off my phone and laptop onto it and wiped them clean. I then buried the hard drive.

 

[drake4871]

Before I jumped I bought a hard drive and transferred everything off my phone and laptop onto it and wiped them clean. I then buried the hard drive.

By wiping I hope you mean overwriting, if you used a program to wipe you may be fine. It should've taken multiple hours to wipe

 

[sleepy dog]

Like if you survive and if cops ask you where you got the info to CTB would you just deny deny deny even if arrested?

Why do you believe you would get arrested for trying to CTB?

 

[BleedingHeart]

I honestly doubt this is their first time hearing something along those lines, I'd call them or email them for assistance and give them info on what happened if I were you. That being said isn't there a "I don't have access to the recovery email" button?

From everything I've googled it says there's no way to contact gmail and without recovery email many people have lost access to all accounts locked out. There's no number to call gmail and the only apparent way I can even talk to them is to provide a different email (would have to

Why do you believe you would get arrested for trying to CTB?

for getting meto without prescription online maybe if I survive. (They'd know because of emails and also the package.) Meto is legal but buying without script is not.

 

[Brick In The Wall]

I'm not too awfully concerned with deleting everything. I will cover the tracks leading here to protect this community. But other then that I feel like it will be a moot point.

 

[BleedingHeart]

I'm not too awfully concerned with deleting everything. I will cover the tracks leading here to protect this community. But other then that I feel like it will be a moot point.

What exactly will you do to cover tracks leading here? Some say factory reset on phone. I wonder if others will simply erase browser history.

 

[sleepy dog]

for getting meto without prescription online maybe if I survive. (They'd know because of emails and also the package.) Meto is legal but buying without script is not.

How would the police know you got meto? They wouldn't unless you told them. As for your activity on this website, just delete the history in the browsers you used.

 

[CaptainT]

Before my CO attempt last week I logged off from this site, logged out of gmail/social media on all devices, cleared browsing history on all devices etc.

I deleted messages on things like Facebook / WhatsApp where I'd mentioned to friends I was in a rough place and taking a trip away for a few days etc.

I think even with a suicide note, the police (here in the UK at least) take your phone/laptop to look for clues. Don't make it easy for them. Have nothing obvious on your desktop or in notes that would allow them to twist your intent.

In the note I left in the car I stated clearly:
"I, [full name], have chosen to end my life using carbon monoxide. Nobody else was involved in the planning or carrying out of this action. I undertook it with clarity of mind and full intent"

You don't want them hassling family or friends or looking for suspicious motives. Make it as clear as possible that you alone decided to do this. Don't get this forum involved or other sites where you've looked up info.

 

[Heart of Ice]

FIrefox has an option to not track browsing history at all, even when not using Incognito mode. Personally I don't think I'll bother cleaning up my computer, the dead really don't have anything worth hiding.

 

[Amz_Falls]

By wiping I hope you mean overwriting, if you used a program to wipe you may be fine. It should've taken multiple hours to wipe

Yes sorry I reset it to factory settings.

 

[BleedingHeart]

Before my CO attempt last week I logged off from this site, logged out of gmail/social media on all devices, cleared browsing history on all devices etc.

I deleted messages on things like Facebook / WhatsApp where I'd mentioned to friends I was in a rough place and taking a trip away for a few days etc.

I think even with a suicide note, the police (here in the UK at least) take your phone/laptop to look for clues. Don't make it easy for them. Have nothing obvious on your desktop or in notes that would allow them to twist your intent.

In the note I left in the car I stated clearly:
"I, [full name], have chosen to end my life using carbon monoxide. Nobody else was involved in the planning or carrying out of this action. I undertook it with clarity of mind and full intent"

You don't want them hassling family or friends or looking for suspicious motives. Make it as clear as possible that you alone decided to do this. Don't get this forum involved or other sites where you've looked up info.

How would they twist my intent if I have a suicide note? I do worry that my note all at once sounds clear why I am choosing to CTB while at the same time worry they could take what I wrote and think someone else wrote it. I'm probably being paranoid, but I have a notebook of my plan in order of things to do so I worry that looks like someone else's plan to hurt me. Or if I delay CTB and someone finds my notebook or a scrap of paper with the supplies I needed, they could maybe think I was planning to hurt someone else. These are the things that go through my mind throughout this process. I have thrown away a lot of notes and it probably won't be an issue but if someone found a scrap they could possibly twist my intent if they found it before I CTB.

How would the police know you got meto? They wouldn't unless you told them. As for your activity on this website, just delete the history in the browsers you used.

Because of the box. I won't be able to recall what each med is for when I CTB. So I have them in the packages or in baggies with my directions on them and what order I need to take them in. So that stuff will be on a counter in my hotel or wherever I do it.

 

[sleepy dog]

Because of the box. I won't be able to recall what each med is for when I CTB. So I have them in the packages or in baggies with my directions on them and what order I need to take them in. So that stuff will be on a counter in my hotel or wherever I do it.

...and if the police are there because you attempted to suicide, which is what you said you were worried about, then those drugs would be in your body not on the counter or in a box, correct? I am done with this conversation. You aren't making much sense, and you are criticizing others because of your own confusion. Goodbye.

 

[BleedingHeart]

...and if the police are there because you attempted to suicide, which is what you said you were worried about, then those drugs would be in your body not on the counter or in a box, correct? I am done with this conversation. You aren't making much sense, and you are criticizing others because of your own confusion. Goodbye.

I didn't mean to come off as critical at all, I apologize if it sounded that way because it wasnt my intent.
the drugs would be in my body but when I bring them with me to hotel I'll be bringing them in their bottles and boxes so I know the dosages and which med is which, so the meds will be in my body but I have no way to dispose of boxes and bottles once I'm in the middle of CTBing except to put in hotel trash can which I'm sure they'll check and then know what meds I took and if I survived could get arrested for buying meds online without script. That's what I was meaning. You don't have to continue conversation but I just wanted to explain a bit and let you know criticizing you or anyone was never my intention; tone can come across differently online, I'm sorry I came off that way.

 

[sleepy dog]

I didn't mean to come off as critical at all, I apologize if it sounded that way because it wasnt my intent.
the drugs would be in my body but when I bring them with me to hotel I'll be bringing them in their bottles and boxes so I know the dosages and which med is which, so the meds will be in my body but I have no way to dispose of boxes and bottles once I'm in the middle of CTBing except to put in hotel trash can which I'm sure they'll check and then know what meds I took and if I survived could get arrested for buying meds online without script. That's what I was meaning. You don't have to continue conversation but I just wanted to explain a bit and let you know criticizing you or anyone was never my intention; tone can come across differently online, I'm sorry I came off that way.

Okay I will respond one last time, and then let others answer you instead. Maybe I misunderstood about you criticizing. About the boxes or bags or packages, put them in a dumpster at the motel or go to a fast food place nearby and put them in the trash there, etc. Or just remember what they look like. Or take pictures of each on your phone and label the pic. Look at the pic to know which ones to take. When you have taken all the drugs, delete the pictures on the phone. I really don't think the police will care though, not even in the USA and yes I know they are very much to the letter of the law here.

 

[BleedingHeart]

Okay I will respond one last time, and then let others answer you instead. Maybe I misunderstood about you criticizing. About the boxes or bags or packages, put them in a dumpster at the motel or go to a fast food place nearby and put them in the trash there, etc. Or just remember what they look like. Or take pictures of each on your phone and label the pic. Look at the pic to know which ones to take. When you have taken all the drugs, delete the pictures on the phone. I really don't think the police will care though, not even in the USA and yes I know they are very much to the letter of the law here.

I appreciate your time and thoughts. Thank you. I hope you have a good day. Sorry for being a worry wart. Lots to consider.