Joey
Enlightened
- Jun 14, 2020
- 1,432
Right now I'm just having a really hard time on wanting to die. I have BPD and my emotions fluctuate back in forth. One minute, I'll decide that life is worth living and that it's amazing and then the next, I just want to die.
I'm definitely passive-aggressive too which fricken sucks and I've lost so many friends this way. They all willed to help me but I've pushed them away and they gave up.
I mean yeah life can get better for me but some part of me doesn't even want to try and knowing that we all die in the end, it's better to head on to the other side rather knowing if there is an afterlife or not.
One part doesn't want to die and knowing I can experience much more than this but then the other knowing that I have complete control of my fate and feeling like I'm already satisfied with everything that I've done. It's better to go out young than being old. Idk..
It's scary and I don't even know what to do right now. :/
I'm definitely passive-aggressive too which fricken sucks and I've lost so many friends this way. They all willed to help me but I've pushed them away and they gave up.
I mean yeah life can get better for me but some part of me doesn't even want to try and knowing that we all die in the end, it's better to head on to the other side rather knowing if there is an afterlife or not.
One part doesn't want to die and knowing I can experience much more than this but then the other knowing that I have complete control of my fate and feeling like I'm already satisfied with everything that I've done. It's better to go out young than being old. Idk..
It's scary and I don't even know what to do right now. :/
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