Help Deceiving everyone to be left alone for cbting

[homesoon.]

I've accepted I will always find myself circling back to daydreaming about cbting. Every. Single. Time. It never fails. I almost feel destined for it; like that's how I know I'll die in the end. I will respond to the call of the void. I've already had to cut back on self-harm of risk for being caught, so I've increased drinking and smoking to replace it. I have everything I need prepared, and I have for months. Just need to say fuck it and do it. I've been thinking about it a lot again. I've chosen SN, and I'm pretty settled in that choice.

However, I know for a fact I will need a hotel room. Any recommendations to get everyone to fuck off long enough to complete? I know I can't do it at home, there's too many risks of someone doing a wellness check or calling one in. I thought about giving everyone an excuse for why I'm busy, maybe even different reasons for different people. Has anyone thought about this?

 

[Kusogaki]

Honestly depends on how long it's gonna take you, do you have an estimate?

 

[homesoon.]

Honestly depends on how long it's gonna take you, do you have an estimate?

If everything goes according to plan, as we all hope when we choose to cbt, SN typically takes upwards of a few hours. So, I wouldn't expect needing more than one night to know if I was successful or not. Besides, I have PLENTY to get the job done; I made sure of that. Surely to God, I shouldn't have to fight off too many people for half a day. They don't need to know anything about the prep beforehand, even if they're around me.

 

[Kusogaki]

If you have a job you could say that you took the night shift or that you worked overtime. If not say you're busy with a hobby. It really all depends on what you think other people will believe. But I think I should buy you half a day.

 

[sos]

wouldn't there be a risk to give different reasons to different people? seems like it could backfire, unless there's no way for them to contact each other.

 

[homesoon.]

wouldn't there be a risk to give different reasons to different people? seems like it could backfire, unless there's no way for them to contact each other.

When I say give different reasons to different people, it's more of a, "I'm busy with so-&-so" and vice versa. I'm typically the type of person to not really respond immediately when I'm spending time with someone because I think it's rude. I figured by the time concern arose, either I was dead or woke up to a failed attempt. Besides, usually people who attempt cbt via SN don't deal with many permanent repercussions.

 

[smaragdyne]

I can tell you, in my experience, the simpler the explanation the less questions they will ask.

If I recall correctly, she told me she was going out shopping/running errands. By the time I got home from work she had been dead for hours, albeit from a much more expedient method. I never suspected a thing. So yeah, just give a generic excuse befitting your personality and nobody will question it until it's much too late.

 

[sos]

i agree with what was said above.
"the simpler the explanation the less questions they will ask."

should also not act suspicious in the days before your cbt date. e.g. weird behavior or anything else concerning.

 

[Kusogaki]

I can tell you, in my experience, the simpler the explanation the less questions they will ask.

If I recall correctly, she told me she was going out shopping/running errands. By the time I got home from work she had been dead for hours, albeit from a much more expedient method. I never suspected a thing. So yeah, just give a generic excuse befitting your personality and nobody will question it until it's much too late.

perfect,Though I do wonder What happened
OP when are you planning on cbting?

 

[homesoon.]

perfect,Though I do wonder What happened
OP when are you planning on cbting?

I have never had a specific date in mind, just the fact that I have everything prepared (more or less). It's more when I can fight SI enough to just "take a deep breath, bend my knees, and jump." I've fought cbting for about 10-15 years and always find myself in this place. I'm tired of hoping for better and ending up with the short stick.

Edit: I've considered just living it up, having those dumb, "20-something yo experiences," acting my age moments & saying thanks, I've had enough. I'm tired of living for everyone else. What's the use when you're always miserable in the end for the sake of everyone else's potential happiness?

I can tell you, in my experience, the simpler the explanation the less questions they will ask.

If I recall correctly, she told me she was going out shopping/running errands. By the time I got home from work she had been dead for hours, albeit from a much more expedient method. I never suspected a thing. So yeah, just give a generic excuse befitting your personality and nobody will question it until it's much too late.

I truly appreciate your response. I emotionally relate, as I lost my spouse to suicide just over a year ago. It truly is a different type of grief. But, being in my position of wanting to cbt so bad, I can't be mad at him for dying. I didn't suspect anything either; worried, but didn't suspect the worst until the morning I found him.

 

[smaragdyne]

perfect,Though I do wonder What happened

I don't mind telling but I don't wanna hijack the thread; I'll PM you when I get permissions to do so or maybe just make a thread introducing myself.

I truly appreciate your response. I emotionally relate, as I lost my spouse to suicide just over a year ago. It truly is a different type of grief. But, being in my position of wanting to cbt so bad, I can't be mad at him for dying. I didn't suspect anything either; worried, but didn't suspect the worst until the morning I found him.

I'm sorry to hear that. Mine was a girlfriend I was very intent on proposing to; it was about 6 years ago. I blame myself, but that's another story. Definitely not something I'll forget, even though it feels long ago it still feels like yesterday.

To share a bit about myself, I personally found "comfort" in something called gnosticism, which basically teaches that the material universe is inherently evil and full of suffering by design, and encourages dispelling the "illusion" of the material world.

Apparently, the early christians declared gnosticism heresy because too many people were CTBing because of this line of thinking! Anyway...

I hope you find some peace in whatever form you can find it.