90k in debt, stopped paying everything about to lose job. Wife is seeing and sleeping with an older man who has tortured me for months about what they do together.....in our home while I was in the psych ward. doesnt know shes about to lose her house and at this point I dont care. I'm 28, I could just move in with family let my world her world crumble and try to start over but it's so hard..... does anyone really think I can come back from this will I ever be happy again it hurts so fucking much
I lost my marriage - different story to yours, but am missing it so much.
I'm pretty sure you can start over - you need to put yourself first as soon as possible and not torture yourself anymore with this situation - just be looked after by people who care about you. Your wife can look after herself - well she'll need to... - she's not been there for you, so it isn't your problem.
I just read Silver Linings Playbook - he loses his marriage too, finds out his wife is having an affair, assaults the culprit and ends up on the psych ward. It's a bit of a fairytale book - but maybe has some hope in it.
I'm pretty sure you can start over - you need to put yourself first as soon as possible and not torture yourself anymore with this situation - just be looked after by people who care about you. Your wife can look after herself - well she'll need to... - she's not been there for you, so it isn't your problem.
I just read Silver Linings Playbook - he loses his marriage too, finds out his wife is having an affair, assaults the culprit and ends up on the psych ward. It's a bit of a fairytale book - but maybe has some hope in it.
Nem
Drs suck mega ass!
- Sep 3, 2018
- 1,489
Sorry to hear! I'm in huge debt as well and also about to lose a job. Relationship already ended and now it's suicide time, for me at least
Peace/hugs
Peace/hugs
Brick In The Wall
2M Or Not 2B.
- Oct 30, 2019
- 25,158
Alot of divorced people here, mine isn't finalized yet but it's coming. 28 is still moderately young and there's atleast hope to rebuild 1 more time I think. Sorry you're in such a rough spot and I honestly hope it works out for you.
I cannot imagine how much pain you are going through, and this inhumane taunting and betrayal by your ex-partner and her paramour sounds like absolute hell.
It is up to you whether or not you can come back from this. I don't think anyone here can answer that question for you. If you do, you will definitely come out a changed person. You may never experience the _same_ kind of happiness again, but it may still be in your reach. You may become stronger in a way that you never thought possible.
Whatever your decision, i hope you take comfort in knowing the SS community will support whatever you choose to do. Should you decide to CTB, there are plenty resources here for you to sift through, to make that as appealing and painless as it can be for you.
MrOptions
Let it go. This to shall pass.
- Jan 6, 2020
- 178
Survived a divorce and kid being taken 1000 miles away. Life goes on. Life is what you make it. It's a shit and ice cream rolled up experience we call life.
you could rebuild at your age. 28 is still young. if you were 20 years older, i would say maybe not.
but those circumstances (whatever age) would push a lot of people over the edge. its up to you. i wish you luck whatever you decide to do.
but those circumstances (whatever age) would push a lot of people over the edge. its up to you. i wish you luck whatever you decide to do.
I am so sorry for the hell you are going through, and it is up to you whether you feel like life on this planet is worth it or not. I will say though, that 28 is still a very young age though.
Yeah going thru it too. Hang in there man there is life on the other side.
I'm trying I'm really trying I was optimistic yesterday but today I just want to go
LMLN
Paragon
- Aug 10, 2019
- 929
I'm so sorry. I too am feeling very desperate today. Like I need to go. I hope you can find some peace whatever you decide.
TAW122
Emissary of the right to die.
- Aug 30, 2018
- 6,819
I'm really sorry to hear about situation, it really sucks. As far as recovering, it may be difficult, depending on your entire situation. I don't know all the specifics, but I will try to address each issue individually. In regards to the 90k debt, do you know if you are able to declare bankruptcy? If so, then you might be able to have one less major problem to deal with, albeit at the cost of bad credit for 7 years. As far as your wife, I don't know your entire relationship with her, but assuming that it is a closed marriage and only you for her and vice versa, maybe you would cut her out of your life, or divorce her? I know it will hurt, but if there is one less thing to deal with, it may make life just a bit more 'bearable.' Finally, in regards to moving back home with family, yes that is an option, depending on your relations with them.
Alec
Wizard
- Apr 22, 2019
- 681
You are still young, of course you have every chance of rebuilding everything! That's what I believe in. First, fuck your wife, I'm sorry if you love her but it seems she's been nothing but a problem and a burden and a reason things are even worse than they could be. She wants to cheat on you when you are in such a horrible situation and on top of it with someone who treats you this way?! She can take care herself and her life, you shouldn't worry about her at all, it's her choices and decisions, it's her life, she's a grown person.
And as about you, I'm sorry if leaving your wife is hard, but it seems it will be a good decision and a choice that will lead to a better future.
you say you are tired and it hurts, I get it, I feel the same way too. I feel like there might be options for me and I'm also young but it's just hurts so much I can barely breath. So my view at your situation is pretty much the same as it is at mine, it's possible and it could work out, but we have to fight through pain and suffering, and I suppose answer a question "is it worth it" honestly I still don't know the answer for myself, I hope you'll find yours.
And you have a family you can move in with, might not be easy to move in with them(depending on the what kind of family you have and their personalities and the relationship between you and them, I hope you have a loving family) but having your family help you out while you get back to it can be a beautiful thing, that's what families are for.
Love you
OrangeLounge
Member
- Jan 5, 2020
- 30
Trust me, optimism is not constant. I wish it was, but it will take a bit for you to get at that point.
Normally people cannot be helped because of things that are generally unfixable, such as disabilities and chronic pain.
However, you're still young. You can still grow from this and rise up.
It'll take time to feel better, but you really can. It's okay to try, right?
You're right..... I've done stupid things with our finances but that doesn't make me a bad person does it? Do I deserve to watch her be with another man every weekend?
It's absolutely possible for you to recover from this.
Bankruptcy doesn't carry nearly the stigma that it once did, and it's the quickest way to get out from under that load of debt. It will make things a little difficult for a while, but you'll be able to start getting credit again within a year or two, and it will fall off your credit report entirely in seven years. I went through a bankruptcy in 2001, and by 2012 I had a platinum Amex and drove a Mercedes. It really is something you can recover from pretty easily.
Divorce sucks, too, but these days it's no different from a breakup. Everyone's doing it. I went through one in 2018 and majorly upgraded to a much, much, much more compatible partner. As an added bonus, depending on which state you're in, you can offload some of the debt to your ex- during the divorce, and maybe even take her for alimony if she makes enough to make it worth it. If you make more than her and she wants alimony, tell her you'll take all the debt in lieu of alimony... she doesn't need to know that you're planning bankruptcy to get out of it anyway.
We're all here for a reason, and we all feel bleak, but I can attest from personal experience that what you're going through is more of a small bump in the road than a reason to CTB. I promise that.
Bankruptcy doesn't carry nearly the stigma that it once did, and it's the quickest way to get out from under that load of debt. It will make things a little difficult for a while, but you'll be able to start getting credit again within a year or two, and it will fall off your credit report entirely in seven years. I went through a bankruptcy in 2001, and by 2012 I had a platinum Amex and drove a Mercedes. It really is something you can recover from pretty easily.
Divorce sucks, too, but these days it's no different from a breakup. Everyone's doing it. I went through one in 2018 and majorly upgraded to a much, much, much more compatible partner. As an added bonus, depending on which state you're in, you can offload some of the debt to your ex- during the divorce, and maybe even take her for alimony if she makes enough to make it worth it. If you make more than her and she wants alimony, tell her you'll take all the debt in lieu of alimony... she doesn't need to know that you're planning bankruptcy to get out of it anyway.
We're all here for a reason, and we all feel bleak, but I can attest from personal experience that what you're going through is more of a small bump in the road than a reason to CTB. I promise that.
Definitely gives me some hope I really appreciate your story. I actually tried to leave last night and she begged me to stay but will not stop seeing this other man.
I have always wondered why American men don't just get the hell out of the country and away from the US justice system when this happens.
Why not just drop everything there and move to another country with a clean slate, no more ex-wife, no more ex-wife boyfriend.
Why not just drop everything there and move to another country with a clean slate, no more ex-wife, no more ex-wife boyfriend.
Going to try just having the will to rebuild is going to be the most difficult
If only it were this easy I have no idea where I'd g9
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OrangeLounge
Member
- Jan 5, 2020
- 30
Hell no. You aren't bad for making a mistake.
I know it's easier said than done, but cut her out. You may think fondly of her, but that might be due to memories. Memories are in the past and don't always reflect what we see from that person now.
Yes . You can . The reason that I think you can is you are asking . It means that there is hope inside you that things can be better . And I am very sorry for what heard about your life .. 90K debt . Losing job . Watching that your wife is sleeping with another man and getting emotionally torchered . Nobody deserve it . Stupid rules in our societies and our awful governments made a hell around us . This is the message of capitalism . Just be alive to pay us . You don't deserve to be alive if you can not pay . It is the shame that humanity ended up to this
Yeah I mean if i leave she wont have any way of getting to work. She will lose her house unless her family or new guy bails her out. I will be known as the asshole that ruined her financially. As much as she hurts me I'm gonna hate being that person
This is my own personal opinion, but you deserve better, and she deserves worse. Put her out and let her sink or swim. You need to prioritize your own well-being and emotions first.
Just hard to force myself to believe that but I believe you are right. She just told me this morning that she wanted to try with me but meanwhile i was sent a Facebook back and forth from the two of them that i can't see..... I'm fed up shes just playing my emotions
UpandDownPrincess
Elementalist
- Dec 31, 2019
- 833
Life does not give us what we deserve. Awful things happen to fine people. Those same fine people make mistakes - sometimes big ones!
None of that can kill hope, although it can drive it into the darkest recesses of our hearts and souls, making us question its very existence.
I see the questions in your mind, revealed in your posts. Please do not make an impulsive decision. Keep talking. We're here.
I do believe I made some major mistakes sometimes i feel like i can make it through others I dont want to try. I don't know if I'm a bad person I dont know what I deserve.
UpandDownPrincess
Elementalist
- Dec 31, 2019
- 833
The universe gives us tasks whether we deserve them or not, good or bad.
You are learning lessons now. It is unlikely you will spend recklessly going forward. Lesson from the universe.
Do not allow someone to treat you badly just because you love them. This lesson is a bitch, but you're learning.
You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. (Okay, that's A.A. Milne, but he spoke for the universe.) You can learn this one, but it's hard, hard, hard. Doesn't mean it's not important.
There is so much in your posts that is questioning. That is not the time to ctb.
I am on the road today but I will check in on this thread tonight. Hang in there.
I really appreciate everyones words and am really taking them to heart
chris8000
Experienced
- Dec 10, 2019
- 231
I'm sorry for what your going through @Ruinedmylif, I went through something similar in early-mid 20s, and it hurt a lot like you describe and it did take time to improve. But sometimes it is through these difficult experiences we learn and your only 28, this is pretty young, I think it will get better for you eventually. Women can really mess you around like this, and the key is to recognise what they're doing to you and respond accordingly. Emotional attachments can be really strong, but sometimes they prevent you from doing the right thing if you let them control you. I think you can do better. I'm wishing your situation improves and we're here for you.
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