Help dealing with harrassment

[sashimi_]

heres a question that i think has been part of my problem for a lot of my life. i know that there will always be miserable members of society that see people like me (i have a distinctive physical trait but i dont really want to say what in an attempt to hold onto SOME kind of privacy here haha) plus just generally getting called gay either when i am hanging out with my friend ( a guy) or for wearing bright colours that guys dont usually wear. i have accessories relating to a franchise i like thats generally catered to kids but its not like adults arent known for being into it too (again....privacy..), and that gets pointed out too. and that's not even usually offensive, just jeering i guess. i also think it might not help that i guess i look autistic?? well i have a stim toy attached to me by a keychain so i can always reach it, and i never look at peoples faces/or i stare at the ground, and sometimes make weird vocalizations

in the moment i find (the harrassment) really scary because if it ever escalated there is not a chance in hell i would be able to fight back, i am so gangly and incredibly weak. it never has though so i manage to ignore it and walk away. when i look back on things people have said i can laugh at it because, well, i am gay and autistic and whatever other things theyve said so its not exactly untrue

anway i guess my question is, is there a good certified way (either personally or professionally recommended idc) to deal with street harrassment? either being called names or even just having attention drawn to you for no reason. i don't really want to escalate anything, but anything you can think to yourself to cope with it? body language? or is telling someone in the vicinity ever worth it?? and then after when i feel like crap. thanks for reading anyway, all comments are appreciated as always <3

 

[timf]

You can change how you dress and act in public so as to draw less attention. When confronted, fear, anger or panic can exacerbate attention as opposed to annoyance, boredon, and indifference which might reduce it.

 

[EmpathyMinded]

heres a question that i think has been part of my problem for a lot of my life. i know that there will always be miserable members of society that see people like me (i have a distinctive physical trait but i dont really want to say what in an attempt to hold onto SOME kind of privacy here haha) plus just generally getting called gay either when i am hanging out with my friend ( a guy) or for wearing bright colours that guys dont usually wear. i have accessories relating to a franchise i like thats generally catered to kids but its not like adults arent known for being into it too (again....privacy..), and that gets pointed out too. and that's not even usually offensive, just jeering i guess. i also think it might not help that i guess i look autistic?? well i have a stim toy attached to me by a keychain so i can always reach it, and i never look at peoples faces/or i stare at the ground, and sometimes make weird vocalizations

in the moment i find (the harrassment) really scary because if it ever escalated there is not a chance in hell i would be able to fight back, i am so gangly and incredibly weak. it never has though so i manage to ignore it and walk away. when i look back on things people have said i can laugh at it because, well, i am gay and autistic and whatever other things theyve said so its not exactly untrue

anway i guess my question is, is there a good certified way (either personally or professionally recommended idc) to deal with street harrassment? either being called names or even just having attention drawn to you for no reason. i don't really want to escalate anything, but anything you can think to yourself to cope with it? body language? or is telling someone in the vicinity ever worth it?? and then after when i feel like crap. thanks for reading anyway, all comments are appreciated as always <3

If it's within your means, a simple but great option is to get headphones to go with your phone and when out and about, play music you really enjoy for yourself and don't pay any attention. I'm not worrying about the situation you are myself but there are still times when I need to do public errands and don't want to deal with anyone else. Doing what I suggested works wonders, people generally don't want to bother calling out to someone that looks like they can't hear them because it makes them feel awkward to be publicly ignored, so they don't even try. Could be worth a shot in your case.

Sorry you have to deal with that btw. Never feel ashamed to like what you do even if it isn't conventional for a guy to like it. Do what makes you happy, screw them. In my experience so far on here with you, you seem like a nice person that just wants to be treated respectfully l, you aren't asking a lot and you sure as hell aren't a burden on anyone. Don't let things like this get to you more than they have to.

 

[sashimi_]

You can change how you dress and act in public so as to draw less attention. When confronted, fear, anger or panic can exacerbate attention as opposed to annoyance, boredon, and indifference which might reduce it.

it would only reduce it a bit. i already physically stand out no matter how "normal" i dress :/ so i sorta don't see the point in that
thanks though, i guess i gotta work on reeling in my reactions

If it's within your means, a simple but great option is to get headphones to go with your phone

thats actually a great idea thanks

Sorry you have to deal with that btw. Never feel ashamed to like what you do even if it isn't conventional for a guy to like it. Do what makes you happy, screw them. In my experience so far on here with you, you seem like a nice person that just wants to be treated respectfully l, you aren't asking a lot and you sure as hell aren't a burden on anyone. Don't let things like this get to you more than they have to.

thank you. stuff like this didnt used to get me down so much but these days it feels like the slightest thing is a weight

 

[zeenatax]

Another option is if possible to move to gay friendly place like big cities. It is really not a realistic options for lot of people due to cost of living , job and family. And some don't like big cities.

 

[msocks]

Headphones can be useful too but you still want to be able to hear for your safety.

If I don't want to be bothered when walking by myself I'll look straight ahead and straighten my posture to look like I got a place to be. But at a normal pace. I also pull out my resting bitch face.

The harassment used to bother me more. I'm okay with ignoring it because the people that do it are insecure assholes. Fuck em.

I'm super fat and when I really was in a bad mood and some asshats would insult me I'd look at myself and say something like OH SHIT I NEVER KNEW I WAS FAT. WOW THANKS! Smile and leave.

 

[sashimi_]

Another option is if possible to move to gay friendly place like big cities. It is really not a realistic options for lot of people due to cost of living , job and family. And some don't like big cities.

thats tru.. city nearest to me would be fine (i actually used to live there in the past but financial sitautions dragged me away... ) and u rite. ppl in the city care way less its rlly gr8 :( wish i could!. thank u for ur feedback tho

Headphones can be useful too but you still want to be able to hear for your safety.

If I don't want to be bothered when walking by myself I'll look straight ahead and straighten my posture to look like I got a place to be. But at a normal pace. I also pull out my resting bitch face.

The harassment used to bother me more. I'm okay with ignoring it because the people that do it are insecure assholes. Fuck em.

THX ! it makes me feel reassured that this is an approach to go for. also, i'm sorry that you face/d harrassment too :( its really unfair on us. thank you for sharing with me!

I'm super fat and when I really was in a bad mood and some asshats would insult me I'd look at myself and say something like OH SHIT I NEVER KNEW I WAS FAT. WOW THANKS! Smile and leave.

loll this is how i feel wen i get called gay/etc. like woah really?? i wish i had the confidence to pull it off convincingly but maybe it will come to me ><;;

 

[msocks]

I was bullied throughout most of my childhood. It really screwed me up. I tend to people please and care too much about what other people think of me. I suppose I was subconsciously thinking that if they like me they won't be mean.

Seems like such a simple thing to realize that not everyone is going to be a friend and that's okay. But it took me a looooong time and therapy to get to that point. Probably in my late 20's.

It's also easier to dismiss random assholes than coworkers and people you're around often. It still bothers me sometimes when I'm emotionally sensitive and depressed. I remind myself several times that they're not worth the time and space I'm letting them take up in my mind.

It takes time and practice but I hope you get there too.