Help Dealing with embarrassment from meltdown

[trytrytryagain]

Hi guys, new here so sorry if I'm kinda awkward navigating this
My grammar is also terrible so if you need any clarification lmk

TW (since I know this is the positive side): brief mention of SA

I have bpd and autism and I feel like I just came back from a 14 hour hypomanic/meltdown/episode thing idk and saw that I got accepted into the forum, so let's see if this works.

Main thing that happened was I posted on another social media site that I have a lot of close friends in about being in crisis and being fed up with how neglectful certain people were being in dismissing abuse and SA that I have gone through in general. Some friends asked what was wrong, some asked to just not see that stuff (which is fair but makes me feel so ashamed). I've been coping in not-so-healthy ways because honestly I feel like I can't talk to anybody about these feelings without them being confused since I always appear cheery and stuff. I'm usually the shoulder people cry on.

Anyhow, deleted all the posts, and now I have this huge wave of embarrassment. I feel just wrong for even having people see me at such a low point. I feel wrong for reacting externally, even if only through messages and stuff.

I know some friends will understand but others are just fed up with me. I don't wanna be a nuisance so does anybody have any tips on finding ways to apologize + get over some of the embarrassment?
Ty

 

[Life_and_Death]

these wont help with everything and it depends on what/who, but just giving it time (other things will come up on peoples mind) or communication (probably best for your understanding friends) can sometimes help.

i completely get it though. i hate having breakdowns.

 

[trytrytryagain]

these wont help with everything and it depends on what/who, but just giving it time (other things will come up on peoples mind) or communication (probably best for your understanding friends) can sometimes help.

i completely get it though. i hate having breakdowns.

Thank you, it's tough...

I think the giving time thing is pretty good since I want to give people the space to breathe when I can't lol.

The apology part is always hard though, it's like "hey sorry that I made you super anxious and hurt you because of that" because I never know if they get emotional because people like me or if it's because people need something from me, and me being dysregulated messes with their plans.

 

[vuberpoot1]

I think one of the most important aspects of recovering from this kind of thing is treating yourself with kindness. It's easy to feel shameful and like you're a burden on others when you've had a not-so-good moment, but try not to let that eat you up. We're all human of course, and no one's perfect, especially when it comes to emotions. I've had my fair share of embarrassing, cryptic lash-outs on social media, and man are those memories cringeworthy, but they're usually not as bad as you think. Just remember to take care of yourself, you deserve the same care you give others.

In my opinion as a random stranger on the internet, I think you could also try going back over what made you feel hypomanic and work on communicating that to your desired friends. That would take a lot of bravery and honesty, but I think stopping yourself from bottling up those emotions and finding a healthy way to express & communicate what drove you to that place to begin with could work in your favor. Unfortunately, not everyone may understand and some may be judgemental, but those guys are probably lame anyways and not worth your time or energy.

More than that, it sounds like you've been through quite a lot, and I'd like to say I'm proud of you for sticking it out and making it this far. Even though you're not out of the woods yet, you're doing great. I wish you the best, friend.