Story Dead on Tuesday

[Blackjack]

I received an email today from my son's U.S. History teacher about meeting with him next Tuesday about my son's grade in his class. How surreal it is to know that I'll be dead on Tuesday and my son's failing grade will suddenly become the least important thing in him or his Dad's life in 4 short days.

 

[woxihuanni]

Will you say goodbye to us here?

 

[Alec]

Honestly I don't think I'm anybody to say anything about a situation like this and this feeling, but I know that feeling too. I wish so bad I could find the right words to show you that I understand and know this feeling but every time I try to string them together they just come out not even close to the feeling I'm trying to talk about. It's we know what's truly important and what's just some things scattered along the road of life.

 

[Blackjack]

Will you say goodbye to us here?

I've been thinking a lot about this actually. I don't want to get banned because my writings here represent my feelings the last 2 months of what will be the end of my life, so I don't think I'll post an official goodbye.

 

[woxihuanni]

I've been thinking a lot about this actually. I don't want to get banned, and my writings here represent my feelings the last 2 months of what will be the end of my life, so I don't think I'll post an official goodbye.

I believe banning does not lose the history of posts, if I understand the reason correctly. Goodbye threads are hard to see, but maybe harder not to even see that. I still cannot wrap my puny head around the reality of it in either case...

 

[Blackjack]

I believe banning does not lose the history of posts, if I understand the reason correctly. Goodbye threads are hard to see, but maybe harder not to even see that. I still cannot wrap my puny head around the reality of it in either case...

Will you post a goodbye when it's your time?

Honestly I don't think I'm anybody to say anything about a situation like this and this feeling, but I know that feeling too. I wish so bad I could find the right words to show you that I understand and know this feeling but every time I try to string them together they just come out not even close to the feeling I'm trying to talk about. It's we know what's truly important and what's just some things scattered along the road of life.

I appreciate your sentiment.

 

[Meretlein]

I'm sorry it has come to this for you.

 

[Worndown]

I do not know your family's dynanics, but bouncing back after your gone might be a bit of a reach.

 

[woxihuanni]

Will you post a goodbye when it's your time?

Sure, I will.

 

[Meppitech]

I also don't care of impending problems for the same reason. I don't think I'll see Tuesday. Starting 48hr regiment of meto tonight. Maybe it's ends up 60hr regiment but it's all the same. SI is crazy. My brain trying to feed me lies about things that are impossible. It's just reaching.

 

[Blackjack]

I also don't care of impending problems for the same reason. I don't think I'll see Tuesday. Starting 48hr regiment of meto tonight. Maybe it's ends up 60hr regiment but it's all the same. SI is crazy. My brain trying to feed me lies about things that are impossible. It's just reaching.

Well the difference for me is I do care about the problems I'll be causing my son. But you're right about SI fucking with our heads, feeding us lies about things we have no control over. It's madness.

 

[Meppitech]

I meant stupid things that don't matter. I know you care about your kid. I have a son and daughter. I've already caused pain. I look at my choice as damage control for the rest of their lives. It will be over and I can never hurt anyone again.

 

[Blackjack]

I meant stupid things that don't matter. I know you care about your kid. I have a son and daughter. I've already caused pain. I look at my choice as damage control for the rest of their lives. It will be over and I can never hurt anyone again.

I don't know your backstory but you're right about worrying about stupid shit that doesn't matter. It's pointless. My son is going to end up failing more than his history class once shit hits the fan next week.

 

[Stan]

It's a double edged sword the future. In some ways it's good to know that eventually things go on. The sadness for you Blackjack is that you are not going to be part of them, regardless of your planned choice or waiting for that bitch, Mother Nature to take her course. The evidence of your feelings for your family are scattered throughout your posts, so its not surprising that something like this smacks you in the face. The choice in many respects of that future is out of your hands. I don't know shit about crap. But what I do know is the strength that you have shown as a human being in your writings. If anything it is amazing how those traits get passed on to the next generation, whether it be by genetics or by nurture I can't say. Time does march on whether we want the world to completely stop and scream our names in their greatest shout ever in admonishment of whatever power they believe in at your passing and sacrifice themselves on the alter of your memory. But that's not why we had kids for. Secretly or overtly, we always want them to be better versions of ourselves. So in a way, take solace that he will still be going to school and with his father's help, get those grades back up again in due course. Even if you are not religious, you still have to have faith in some things. Place your faith in people.

I don't have words for you over the next few days that will get you through. But know you are not or ever will be alone in this, even if it is a meagre offering of cyber-friendship. But for me it has been absolutely real and for the rest of my days, will never forget you.

If you get banned all that will happen is that a strike will appear through your name. Your posts, thoughts and advice will remain here for as long as the site is active. I hope you do say goodbye. The impact you made here is huge and I hope you give people the chance to say their farewells. But that choice is yours to take.

 

[blackflag1]

I don't know your backstory but you're right about worrying about stupid shit that doesn't matter. It's pointless. My son is going to end up failing more than his history class once shit hits the fan next week.

Yes, you are indeed right about this. This may hit him quite hard and could possibly make him look for the same option as well. I am sure you have thought about it already. I would not worry too much about a goodbye post, but rather spending some quality time in the way of your choosing before crossing over. You will certainly be missed here.

 

[Stan]

Yes, you are indeed right about this. This may hit him quite hard and could possibly make him look for the same option as well. I am sure you have thought about it already. I would not worry too much about a goodbye post, but rather spending some quality time in the way of your choosing before crossing over. You will certainly be missed here.

Honestly - I have no idea why you are on this site! You call me your greatest critic, and you have given me an example why. What a disgusting thing to say to someone going through this. I have heard it before and wonder if you are the same user who has come back in another form. You have also stated in a post here that you are more 'pro-life' than 'pro choice'

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/thre...ime-they-keep-you-in-there.23558/#post-433612

I think you need to think why you are here.

 

[Blackjack]

OK who's cutting so many goddamned onions in here @Stan?!?!

 

[SpanishLullaby]

@Blackjack May I ask if there is any significance about next Tuesday??

If not then maybe it would a perfect time to have that meeting then go home and talk to your son and tell him:

"Son, there's a time that I won't be here. And you will have to take responsibility for yourself. Know that you can never disappoint me and I will love you regardless but are you disappointed in yourself?...Be the best that you can be so you can always look yourself in the eye and be proud..." yada yada yada...

Than CTB after.

I'd imagine that could be a great defining moment he remembers and leaves him aspiring to be his best self knowing that you loved him no matter matter.


Hopefully that didnt sound to movie-is. If you dont care to speak about your date choice feel free to ignore my post.

 

[Blackjack]

Yes, you are indeed right about this. This may hit him quite hard and could possibly make him look for the same option as well. I am sure you have thought about it already. I would not worry too much about a goodbye post, but rather spending some quality time in the way of your choosing before crossing over. You will certainly be missed here.

Yes I think about my son killing himself because of me every day, thanks. And the only QT I could possibly have with my son the next 4 days is if he chooses to crawl up in to my deathbed to snuggle with me since I'm paralyzed. You're a real treat @blackflag1.

 

[blackflag1]

It's a double edged sword the future. In some ways it's good to know that eventually things go on. The sadness for you Blackjack is that you are not going to be part of them, regardless of your planned choice or waiting for that bitch, Mother Nature to take her course. The evidence of your feelings for your family are scattered throughout your posts, so its not surprising that something like this smacks you in the face. The choice in many respects of that future is out of your hands. I don't know shit about crap. But what I do know is the strength that you have shown as a human being in your writings. If anything it is amazing how those traits get passed on to the next generation, whether it be by genetics or by nurture I can't say. Time does march on whether we want the world to completely stop and scream our names in their greatest shout ever in admonishment of whatever power they believe in at your passing and sacrifice themselves on the alter of your memory. But that's not why we had kids for. Secretly or overtly, we always want them to be better versions of ourselves. So in a way, take solace that he will still be going to school and with his father's help, get those grades back up again in due course. Even if you are not religious, you still have to have faith in some things. Place your faith in people.

I don't have words for you over the next few days that will get you through. But know you are not or ever will be alone in this, even if it is a meagre offering of cyber-friendship. But for me it has been absolutely real and for the rest of my days, will never forget you.

If you get banned all that will happen is that a strike will appear through your name. Your posts, thoughts and advice will remain here for as long as the site is active. I hope you do say goodbye. The impact you made here is huge and I hope you give people the chance to say their farewells. But that choice is yours to take.

Brilliantly said, you know far more than you give yourself credit for. You are a voice of comfort and support regardless of the situation. I could never claim to come anywhere near your degree of skill as a wordsmith. I guess after seeing so much misery and suffering of others over the years, I have lost the ability. I have to appear strong in my field of work though nothing is further from the truth.

 

[SpanishLullaby]

Yes I think about my son killing himself because of me every day, thanks. And the only QT I could possibly with my son the next 4 days is if he chooses to crawl up in to my deathbed to snuggle with me since I'm paralyzed. You're a real treat @blackflag1.

I'm sorry didnt realized you were paralyzed from the ALS...OMG feel like such a fool. My apologies.

 

[Blackjack]

@Blackjack May I ask if there is any significance about next Tuesday??

If not then maybe it would a perfect time to have that meeting then go home and talk to your son and tell him:

"Son, there's a time that I won't be here. And you will have to take responsibility for yourself. Know that you can never disappoint me and I will love you regardless but are you disappointed in yourself?...Be the best that you can be so you can always look yourself in the eye and be proud..." yada yada yada...

Than CTB after.

I'd imagine that could be a great defining moment he remembers and leaves him aspiring to be his best self knowing that you loved him no matter matter.


Hopefully that didnt sound to movie-is. If you dont care to speak about your date choice feel free to ignore my post.

You obviously don't know my story so I'll excuse your suggestion about attending a school meeting. But you can rest assured that I have had every possible talk about being his best self that someone in my position can have with her child.

I could never claim to come anywhere near your degree of skill as a wordsmith.

You're right about 1 thing!

 

[blackflag1]

Yes I think about my son killing himself because of me every day, thanks. And the only QT I could possibly with my son the next 4 days is if he chooses to crawl up in to my deathbed to snuggle with me since I'm paralyzed. You're a real treat @blackflag1.

Sorry you took it that way. That was not my intent. I had already guessed you thought it over. I think of you as quite a smart person and enjoy your posts here. Stan said it much better than I did. My sentiments are quite in line with his post to you. He relayed them better than I can.

 

[Stan]

Brilliantly said, you know far more than you give yourself credit for. You are a voice of comfort and support regardless of the situation. I could never claim to come anywhere near your degree of skill as a wordsmith. I guess after seeing so much misery and suffering of others over the years, I have lost the ability. I have to appear strong in my field of work though nothing is further from the truth.

I disagree, you knew exactly what you were saying and you were hoping for it to send Blackjack into a frenzy. So again, I ask, for someone who has posted they are pro-life, what is your purpose here?

 

[Girobatol]

Are you gonna use N Blackjack? You will be missed over here.

 

[blackflag1]

I am Pro-life as long is it is a life worth living. I cannot decide the merit of that for somebody else. Only they can decide. Now that paralysis is mentioned, it is quite understandable. I would seek a way out as well if I were afflicted in such a way. My intent was not to work her into a frenzy. I do not desire that at all.

 

[Stan]

I am Pro-life as long is it is a life worth living.

The case for the prosecution rests m'lord

 

[Azzy69]

I hope they understand why you had to do it. Are you leaving a note?

 

[blackflag1]

The case for the prosecution rests m'lord

I also stated it was not for me make that decision for another person. That is their decision alone to make. I have my reasons to be here, but it is not to change anybody's mind. It does not hurt to think of all possibilities and outcomes. I am good at analysis and figuring out prognosis and different outcomes. I am not so good with the emotional aspect of it and I admit that. My intentions are not in any way with malice or wanting to harm anybody. I am certainly not great with bedside manner and that is a weakness I know I have and have to deal with.

 

[Blackjack]

Are you gonna use N Blackjack? You will be missed over here.

Yes, and thank you.

I also stated it was not for me make that decision for another person. That is their decision alone to make. I have my reasons to be here, but it is not to change anybody's mind. It does not hurt to think of all possibilities and outcomes. I am good at analysis and figuring out prognosis and different outcomes. I am not so good with the emotional aspect of it and I admit that. My intentions are not in any way with malice or wanting to harm anybody. I am certainly not great with bedside manner and that is a weakness I know I have and have to deal with.

Hey I have an idea @blackflag1, why don't you stay the fuck off any of my posts the next 4 days you fucking prick.

I hope they understand why you had to do it. Are you leaving a note?

I am leaving notes, but not about my suicide.