deerme
Member
- Feb 8, 2021
- 22
I've struggled with mental health sense I was young. I've been diagnosed with, ADHD, depression, anxiety, bipolar, cluster b traits/bpd, I'm trans and who knows what else at this point. I've been diagnosed, undiagnosed, and my medicines change too often. It's hard to tell what's my emotions and what might be a side effect. I don't know what causes what because everything I've ever been diagnosed with all overlaps in symptoms.
I'm at a point in my life where I no longer feel like I can properly function as an adult. I have a been in and out of the mental hospital for suicidal ideations as well as an attempt 3 different times over the past year. I can barely go a day without breaking down in tears, I can't keep up with my classes and I'm afraid I'm marching towards another hospital stay. I'm so lost and don't know where to go or what to do. Everywhere I turn I get the exact same empty words of half baked encouragement.
My parents are absent in my life, I live in my own apartment. I can't quit college because I pay 90% of rent on scholarships and loans, but I don't feel like I can even graduate at the rate I'm at. I'd rather die than work a minimum wage job the rest of my life. At the same time if I can't even handle college how would I have a career? I'm half considering dropping and applying for disability but that basically gives up on any chances of the life I've dreamed of and fought for. I just feel like I'm drowning and no one will even acknowledge it and only offer kind words. I don't want anyone to morne my funeral because they never cared enough to even listen to me. I have been screaming for help this whole time. I've tried everything to be better. I want to be better, do they think anyone wants to feel like this? I've begged for help, it's not a secret among those who know me I'm suicidal. Yet no changes has been made. No one checks in on me, and no one cares. I can only do so much on my own and I can't push myself anymore. I'm just so tired I want to scream!!!!
I'm at a point in my life where I no longer feel like I can properly function as an adult. I have a been in and out of the mental hospital for suicidal ideations as well as an attempt 3 different times over the past year. I can barely go a day without breaking down in tears, I can't keep up with my classes and I'm afraid I'm marching towards another hospital stay. I'm so lost and don't know where to go or what to do. Everywhere I turn I get the exact same empty words of half baked encouragement.
My parents are absent in my life, I live in my own apartment. I can't quit college because I pay 90% of rent on scholarships and loans, but I don't feel like I can even graduate at the rate I'm at. I'd rather die than work a minimum wage job the rest of my life. At the same time if I can't even handle college how would I have a career? I'm half considering dropping and applying for disability but that basically gives up on any chances of the life I've dreamed of and fought for. I just feel like I'm drowning and no one will even acknowledge it and only offer kind words. I don't want anyone to morne my funeral because they never cared enough to even listen to me. I have been screaming for help this whole time. I've tried everything to be better. I want to be better, do they think anyone wants to feel like this? I've begged for help, it's not a secret among those who know me I'm suicidal. Yet no changes has been made. No one checks in on me, and no one cares. I can only do so much on my own and I can't push myself anymore. I'm just so tired I want to scream!!!!