skybox
Have you ever been jealous of birds?
- Mar 6, 2024
- 74
Long time no talk SaSu. I've been bedrotting for months and I only log on from my laptop. Since February I've been going through some of the worse motions in years. Thinking and deciding where my life should go from here. I am a year off from 30 with nothing going for me but mental illness and (fortunately) a large circle of friends and supportive mother which is just a string keeping me tethered. My cats mean more, they are the hardest to lose. However, since it's gotten warmer, the sun shining, all I have been thinking about is jumping. Jumping off the highest point I can find and feel the wind against my body one last time. It draws me in. It's beautiful. The sky, maybe sunrise since I'm a morning person. Get a pack of camel blues, say my thanks to Mother Earth, and take the plunge. The guilt shakes me to my core because I know the domino effect me dying would cause on my mother and being the cause of someone else's death feels worse than my own.
For now I daydream about jumping...
Source: Bokutachi ga Yarimashita
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