Discussion [Dating] Would you date a disabled person?

[Zegers]

I suffer from a disability and my love life is non-existent, many healthy people struggle with this, when you are disabled it is even more complicated because the disability has added problems.

 

[summers]

I totally would. The most important thing is that you get along with the other person, that you share interests and have chemistry. I think it's also very healthy that both people have some separate hobbies and interests. If you are not disabled, and date a disabled person, that doesn't mean you should give up all the things you enjoy, even if the other person can't participate.

 

[jodes2]

I suffer from a disability and my love life is non-existent, many healthy people struggle with this, when you are disabled it is even more complicated because the disability has added problems.

I'm dating someone else who's also mentally disabled. I guess I would date someone who's physically disabled unless they're in a wheelchair, that would just be too much for me to deal with, as selfish as that sounds. It's tough enough dating someone who's mentally disabled, the ongoing support needed takes a lot of work and strength which sometimes I just don't have, it puts a real strain on the relationship.

I'm sorry to hear about your dating life. Can't you date other people who are also disabled? I know one dating site for people with mental health problems, nolongerlonely.com, maybe there are places for the physically disabled to meet others

 

[GenesAndEnvironment]

Depends on how disabled they are. If they're just slightly incapacitated, then they'd be able to avoid dating me.

 

[lessonlearned]

yes. i guess it depends on what the disability is though

 

[Sammie]

I suffer from a disability and my love life is non-existent, many healthy people struggle with this, when you are disabled it is even more complicated because the disability has added problems.

I have a "hidden" disability and find it would be challenging to tell another person about it if I ever do date again or decide to get close to anyone in the future. It affects my body and could possibly get in the way of intimacy, especially with the stigma it unfortunately has attached to it. I would be open to date someone else with a disability, there are so many types of disabilities though some being severe and incapacitating and others mild or even "hidden". Or like mine, hidden until it has its issues or an explosion lol it's also probably pretty safe to say we are all psychologically challenged to some point, I mean no "mentally healthy" person would be here right?
May I ask what your disability is? Please don't feel pressured to answer that if you don't wanna talk about it, and sorry if my curiosity is intrusive.

 

[niiina]

I'm disabled and I'd date another disabled person, as simple as that

 

[Blondi]

Yes , but she has to be tall .

 

[hamvil]

No, if the person is mentally disabled I would not be able to take care of her. I currently have a person that is taking care of me and I realise it really take a lot of energies. If the disability was physical it is the same, I would not have the energies to assist her, I would be probably a weight for her in addition to the physical disabilities. Only an insane person would date me in this moment and that is not a good recipe.

 

[Skathon]

Unlikely, unless it does not affect her much, as I am, myself, disabled (unable to work) and always lethargic.
Then again, only someone mentally disturbed would be willing to date me.

 

[lofticries]

If the stars align and we hit if off sure. But I am honestly not in the mood for a relationship atm.

 

[Lily (Osako)]

Absolutely.
I had a friend who was quadriplegic. He adamantly refused to date anyone bc he said eventually they would want sex and he was afraid of being cheated on. He made sure everyone knew how he felt.
I wanted to ask him out so bad. I was so attracted to him mentally, spiritually, emotionally, and even physically. He was so handsome and brilliant, kind, funny, strong, just an absolutely beautiful human.
But I never did bc I wanted to respect his feelings.
He never did date or marry.
I often wonder how many other women felt like I did.

If the stars align and we hit if off sure. But I am honestly not in the mood for a relationship atm.

This

 

[Zegers]

Can't you date other people who are also disabled?

Why should a person with a disability look for people with a disability? blondes should look for blondes? rich should look for rich and poor should look for poor? I know you didn't mean it in a bad way but that's classism.

There is a shunning attached to disability (especially physical) In part don't care anymore because hopefully in less than two years i will leave this decayed world. Anyway, not proactively looking for anything in apps or irl, i think so much ostracism over time has been killing me.

May I ask what your disability is?

 

[Sammie]

Why should a person with a disability look for people with a disability? blondes should look for blondes? rich should look for rich and poor should look for poor? I know you didn't mean it in a bad way but that's classism.

Yes, exactly. I just don't think people understand the stigma they themselves put on physical disabilities because they are healthy and don't "get it."

If that is you in the video, I admire your strength....and though I deeply believe what is on the inside is most important and that looks are only a "nice extra" you are absolutely gorgeous. If that's not you and you're are using it only as an explanation of what type of disability you have, I admire your strength and believe anyone who gets to know you for who you are will not be fixated on the fact you use supportive devices. You are beautiful for who you are, I want you to believe that truth. Sad thing is, it is difficult for us to show others our true selves, to open up to others, to accept love from others and feel comfortable in our own skin, not to mention with others... commitment is tough when we are unable to even commit to ourselves. How can we want love and validation from others when we cannot give that to ourselves? Biggest reason I'm afraid to date, and avoid it altogether, is that in my state of mind I would most likely attract the wrong type. It's my history and it will continue to repeat until, if, I become healthier spiritually.

 

[ManicPanic2018]

I dated someone who was totally blind before, can't see anything other than pitch black type blind. Not only that, she lost her sight just before she turned 20, so had to know what life was like before and have her vision taken from her. She was trans too. It was fascinating to see and learn about how she had to adapt to function, the tech she used to be able to use things I took for granted, etc.

Fuck me though, being trans alone is enough of a reason to want to end it imo. Huge respect to her for not only that, but to do it while blind too and still be able to keep a good outlook on life.

 

[Sammie]

I dated someone who was totally blind before, can't see anything other than pitch black type blind. Not only that, she lost her sight just before she turned 20, so had to know what life was like before and have her vision taken from her. She was trans too. It was fascinating to see and learn about how she had to adapt to function, the tech she used to be able to use things I took for granted, etc.

Fuck me though, being trans alone is enough of a reason to want to end it imo. Huge respect to her for not only that, but to do it while blind too and still be able to keep a good outlook on life.

Sounds like an interesting experience, and nice that she had you to accept her as she was and also learn from her. I am saddened that you feel the way you do about being trans, I think you are fabulous the way you are...but then I don't have a right to judge others and want to love all humans for who we are. Sadly, there are a lot of people in this world who do judge others and who also put out hate. But despite this, I thought people are becoming more accepting of others especially with many influencers out there on social media normalizing things.

 

[Zegers]

using it only as an explanation of what type of disability you have, I admire your strength and believe anyone who gets to know you for who you are will not be fixated on the fact you use supportive devices. You are beautiful for who you are, I want you to believe that truth. Sad thing is, it is difficult for us to show others our true selves, to open up to others, to accept love from others and feel comfortable in our own skin, not to mention with others... commitment is tough when we are unable to even commit to ourselves. How can we want love and validation from others when we cannot give that to ourselves? Biggest reason I'm afraid to date, and avoid it altogether, is that in my state of mind I would most likely attract the wrong type. It's my history and it will continue to repeat until, if, I become healthier spiritually.

No, it's not me. It's a girl who has the same disability. In my case i can't get used to the disability, just can't look in the mirror and get used to a faulty body, i don't feel good like that and i won't feel good, i don't feel good in this skin so i want to take it off. I guess i will be spiritually healthy when I get rid of this life.

 

[Suicidebydeath]

Sure, why not?

 

[Celerity]

It would depend on the disability. I assume of course that you mean physical rather than mental. That said, if I am being perfectly honest, it's not likely. I feel bad saying that, but it's the plain truth. If we really clicked and they had other appealing qualities, I would consider it, but the bar would be really high.

I'm not much of a catch either though, so it's not really a loss on your part.

 

[Zegers]

It would depend on the disability. I assume of course that you mean physical rather than mental. That said, if I am being perfectly honest, it's not likely. I feel bad saying that, but it's the plain truth. If we really clicked and they had other appealing qualities, I would consider it, but the bar would be really high.

I'm not much of a catch either though, so it's not really a loss on your part.

Its fine be honest

 

[Sammie]

No, it's not me. It's a girl who has the same disability. In my case i can't get used to the disability, just can't look in the mirror and get used to a faulty body, i don't feel good like thatnd i won't feel good, i don't feel good in this skin so i want to take it off. I guess i will be spiritually healthy when I get rid of this life

I imagine acceptance would be very hard as well as adapting to it. Sorry you have to deal with this challenge, it is not fair what some of us have to accept and adapt to with a sudden disability that is disfiguring/changes our bodies so much. Mine is not mobility but it is a drastic change to my body and having to adapt to using appliances daily (plus changing the appliance and cleaning the wound that is permanent). So I can imagine your hardship, but mobility challenges seem to be harder to adapt to.

 

[theboy]

yes, why not

 

[chloramine]

I would have no problems dating someone who was disabled. I'm not really in a place where dating anyone would be a great idea at the moment, but that's a me thing.

It feels like a lot of people are thinking of "dating a disabled person" as "being a disabled person's sole caretaker" which is not how that works. You might provide extra help or support in some areas, but dating someone should never be "becoming the sole caretaker of this person" regardless of disability. That's an unhealthy dynamic if everyone in the relationship is perfectly healthy both mentally and physically.

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

It depends on the level of disability, but if it impacted her basic functioning, probably not.

 

[Unhirable]

Absolutely not but i may not have a choice.

Why would I want to date someone fucked up, to be frank. I hate wasting time, and with a disabled person you probably have to
1. listen about their disability
2. worry about their disability
3. spend time and money on their disability

 

[Zegers]

He adamantly refused to date anyone bc he said eventually they would want sex

He was able to have sex?

mobility challenges seem to be harder to adapt to.

It blows my mind when someone in wheelchair can even be happy, sure it depends on the personality of each individual but feel fine when your body doesn't work properly? i cant. sigh*